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Why Women Are Going For Badboys and Players Instead of Stable Providers
Summary
1) In rich and safe environments, women can afford to promiscuously mate with better men than they can get to commit to them monogamously. This will produce children with better genes. However, the father will likely not play much of a role in their lives. Men can be promiscuous with lesser value women but the lower males will be left out. Men need to develop inner and outer game to better attract women today. Women need to decide what they really want and be realistic about whom they can get to commit.
2) In poor and dangerous environments, women need a provider and protector to survive. Men also need to ensure their children are taken care of so that they dont all die. This is where the average and lesser males become valued by the average and lesser women. Many men are still acting in this "traditional" mindset that isnt as relevant in todays world.
Full Post
(This is a long post but it provides a lot of insight into what is happening in todays mating world. I look forward to your comments and further insights)
Key Biological Constraints
From the following facts we can derive many interesting conclusions about human nature in primitive times and then apply them to our present-day situation:
1) Women's eggs are relatively rare and "expensive," one ovulation per month and nine months of pregnancy, basically one baby per year unless twins, triplets, etc. are born.
2) Women are physically weaker than men and especially vulnerable in the late stages of pregnancy.
3) Babies are extremely vulnerable.
4) Men's sperm is "cheap" because it is relatively plentiful and quickly replenished. Men can hypothetically father hundreds or thousands of children.
Now, let's examine how these basic facts of life interact with two environments: one safe and rich and another poor and dangerous. We'll look at each for men and women. These will be simple scenarios to illustrate the incentives for men and women under different conditions. These may not necessarily match exact historical conditions but are meant to be illustrative. Also, many implicit assumptions about value and genetic fitness will be made and should be understood to be "most of the time" and not hard and fast rules. Culture also plays a role on top of the underlying environmental factors that determine which behaviors are promoted. Finally, not every possible combination of factors can be examined since this is already quite long.
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Women In Rich And Safe Environments
Imagine a tropical jungle with fruit growing everywhere and fish easily captured in the swift flowing streams and placid pools. Shelter is easy to find, cold non-existent. A woman doesn't need a provider in this lush paradise. Let's further imagine that no fierce tigers, bellicose tribes or rowdy ruffians roam this Edenic state and we can see that a male protector isn't of much value either.
Here a woman will do her offspring the largest favor by having the man with the best genes impregnate her. And this is the same logic that the others will have.
Basically the peacock scenario where the best peacock mates will all the peahens. Of course, the most attractive women will be most sought out by the most attractive man so some of the lesser women may need to seek out the 2nd or 3rd best man. The less attractive women have to be totally sexually available in order to fit themselves into the busy schedule of the top men.
Men in Safe and Rich Environments
We've already seen that most women will seek out the men with the best genes. Now, from these men's point of view, they want to optimize some mixture of quality and quantity. Obviously, a female 10 having a male 10′s baby will likely produce a more fit baby than doing so with an 8 or a 6. But if he can do so with all three, by devoting say 60% of his time to the 10, 30% to the 8 and 10% to the 6, then he spread his genes further than just focusing on the ten.
The second best man, let's say he's an 8, likely won't get more than a furtive fuck with the 10 but he is the next best choice so the female 8 will be spending quite a bit of time with him and he will also spend a lot of time with the 6 and the 4.
Meanwhile, lesser men hungrily look on, wondering why no one shows up at their door or responds to their overtures. They can jerk off to alleviate their sexual hunger but he who only inseminates his hand soon relegates his genes to extinction.
That brings up the lesser-man strategy and shows the instability of this whole scenario. By himself, a lesser man couldn't take on the top dog, nor can he attract any women. But, by forming a beta band of horny brothers, they can together intimidate the top man and all the women into throwing them a few bones. Of course, this then destroys the safe environment that was assumed.
The short-sighted top man, the greedy glutton who is revelling in his peaceful pussy paradise, may tell the rest to fuck off, unwilling to share. He may soon have a revolt on his hand.
However, the war-gaming top men will foresee this possibility and either kill off the lesser men, one by one before they have time to unite and rebel, or they will relinquish some of their booty and allow, encourage and even force some of the lesser women to mate with the lesser men bursting at the seams.
Women In Poor And Dangerous Environments
Let's assume that many generations have passed and our once peaceful tribe has split into many warring factions and perhaps even travelled to another spot. Vicious saber tooth tigers have come down from the north to avoid the famine spreading over the land. Packs of hungry wolves howl in the distance, instilling fear. Food is scarce, danger is nigh.
Whereas a woman in our peaceful paradise could have given birth with no fear of her or her baby being devoured, now she desperately needs protection in her most dire hour. The male 10 may or may not have the disposition to take care of babies but even if he did he can't be in all places at once. And food that was once plentiful now requires immense effort to find, and even when found, lurking marauders or hungry beasts might attack and carry it off into the night.
Women now need a provider and a protector. They need the tribe. And they need a man, someone who is so invested in her and their offspring that he will risk the sharp teeth of the tiger and work from sun-up to sun-down to find scarce food. The climate may have changed or they may have moved north and snow may now fall in the winter, requiring shelter and clothing and even more calories.
The luxury of seeking the best genes is no longer afforded most women. Survival is a brutal daily ritual and finding a helpful and loyal male that can get along with the rest of the tribe is a necessary requirement for most women. Her mate's genes are still important, they help with the children's immune system, intelligence and talents, all needed for their survival. However, she needs to reduce the genetic price she demands so that she can get a mate that will stay with her.
This is the environment where the beta male thrives and becomes valuable to women. Of course, a wily woman might be able to pull off a sneaky cuckold with a better male and get her partner to unwittingly raise the child but that is a high-risk maneuver that a vigilant beta is going to be on guard against.
Another less deceptive form of this would be for a female 8 to get pregnant with the male 10 and then go seek out a male 6 or 7 to be her committed partner. Thus she get's one baby of better genes plus whatever babies she has with the lesser male, and she has a provider to help take care of all of the babies. What the male 6 loses in having to take care of the male 10′s baby he makes up for by being able to have a couple of kids of his own with a better woman that he could have gotten otherwise.
One other aspect worth mentioning is that people die young in this environment and so they need to mate early, while there's still any life left to live.
Men in a Poor and Dangerous Environment
We've mentioned how the lesser (but still relatively capable) male shines in this environment as a provider and a protector. But remembering the adage, "give a man a fish, feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime," another aspect of male providing is in training his children, especially his sons, how to survive and even prosper. People need to learn a lot of skills in such a world and the dedicated father can really help his children.
A word about the upper males now.
In the rich/safe environment they didn't need to provide any care to their offspring for them to survive. However, in the dangerous/poor setting they need to find some way to ensure survival. It does no good to his genes to have 50 babies if they all die. Thus, the upper male may likely need to stand as a provider and protector as well. Fuck and forget is no longer a very viable strategy--although there might be some male of less value than a given abandoned woman with child that would see it as a good deal for him to partner up with her, as described above.
Now, let's examine where cooperation comes into play. The wise top males (let's say 10%) will see that if they can keep the lesser males in the tribe and relatively happy that they will then have a larger and more cohesive tribe with which to hunt, fight and survive. A tribe of 2 top warriors plus 18 coordinated beta warriors will be able to conquer a tribe of just 2 top warriors. As long as tribes didn't get too big for the area to support, cooperation within the tribe would be better for survival than competition within. The top males would get the top females plus maybe an extra on the side from time to time. The middle and lesser males would have a partner to mate with too. Of course, we know not all tribes were like this but there was enough fire power within the lesser ranks to keep the top males from always usurping complete reproductive control.
How Agriculture Changed Things
Also, once the revolutionary technology of agriculture was developed, more food per acre could be harvested and cities could grow. More power was concentrated into few hands. Enough wealth could be amassed for a king to keep an army. Thus he could keep a large harem by force but would balance this out by allowing most of the common men to have one wife. The lowest men may get none but as long as most men were kept happy no revolts would occur. Also, a way to keep the ratio of men to women a bit lower was to engage in war and kill off a number of men. So, polygamy could be tolerated in small numbers by the most powerful elite who could afford to take care of so many women, but societies that encouraged and enforced monogamy on the masses were the ones that got most of the beta males to heavily invest in their families, as both providers and protectors, and by doing so, in society as a whole.
Speculation
I speculate that most people's propensity to following either a promiscuous or a long-term- and-faithful strategy is somewhat sensitive to the environmental cues one perceives. Continuing this speculation, if women are feeling hungry and in danger their attraction buttons would be more fine tuned to feeling turned on by a man who can offer those things, even if he's not the flashiest type. And then in the safe/rich situation it will be things that would have correlated to genetic fitness in the hunter gatherer epochs when humans evolved.
The Present Day Mating Market
Due to technology and cheap energy, the world is the richest it's ever been, especially in developed countries. Focusing on the wealthy nations where there is a high degree of freedom for women, we can see that most women simply do not need a man at the individual level in order to survive (men are still needed at the collective level). A woman can earn her own money and have a very comfortable life for her and her children. And even if she can't, there is ample welfare, charity and family support. Also, society is quite safe in most parts and she doesn't face constant threats of death or rape (though such things do happen from time to time). Of course, she and her kids will be better off with a good man around but they don't need a man to survive.
This may be one of the most bitter red pill realizations for many men who historically would have relied on that role to have great value to women.
Women don't face the survival threats they once did and so they are free to attempt getting pregnant with men that are out of their league. This is very much like our peaceful jungle scenario. Of course, most women come hard-wired with a strong desire to have a provider man in their life and aren't consciously thinking about optimizing the genes of their children but still, the environment does push and allow many to seek out more short-term mating strategies with guys that push their attraction buttons, presumably with traits that were correlated with good genes 100,000 years ago. And there is a whole spectrum of how promiscuous or sexually-monogamous both men and women are wired to be. But in today's environment, whatever promiscuous desires may be present are encouraged and rewarded for women and upper-value men, and to a lesser degree for average men while the lowest men are really left out in the cold.
Although women can get sex from higher value men today, the math just doesn't work for each to get one of them to commit, let alone the question of whether such a man would even want to commit to a lesser woman. This is one of the hardest red pill concepts for many women to face. Yes, they can get attention and sex from such men and it feels like they're oh so close to getting the man of their dreams--but then he doesn't call the next day, the next week, or ever, and the sinking feeling turns to deep hurt. The wise ones learn, the foolish ones churn.
If a woman wants to have a husband that will be with her then she needs to attempt it with a man that is both of good character and of similar mating value.
On top of the evolutionary incentives and drives, culture serves as an additional force that can either amplify or restrain. For example, feminism actually amplifies the prevalence of hypergamy and promiscuity in society. We will get into these issues much more in later posts.
Men need to improve their game in this new environment if they want sex and/or a relationship. They need to add a little more charisma and dominance to create more short-term chemistry. Then, if they want a long-term relationship, they also need to learn to create strong emotional connections with their women while not becoming hen-pecked pussies.
