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The Relationship Is Dead. Stop Kissing It.
I should take my own advice. Seldom do we do that though. Years ago, a guy I knew bemoaned about an ex who was still his ex. The situation was complicated, although in retrospect it reminds me of a former relationship I was in. I forgot about that at the time when my words to him lacked a bit of grace. As he bemoaned missing her and wanting her and trying to make it work again even though it was MORE than obvious to EVERYONE else that it would NEVER work, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I later learned that he was sharing his story with me because he wanted me to listen, offer comfort and tell him it would be okay. What I said after he was almost in tears with longing was, “It is more than obvious that this relationships is dead. It’s so crystal clear especially because she has made it so. What I don’t understand is why you keep UNBURYING this DEAD relationship and making out with the CORPSE. Every time you cry over her and try to win her back, you are metaphorically making out with this dead corpse. Why?” He looked at me baffled. I think his response was “Well damn. I know not to call you next time.” I keep it real people. Grace with GRIT!
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As we closed out 2025, I was doing some introspective journaling work. I spent the end of 2025 writing about the dreams that came true, what I’ve learned, what I was transformed by and what I’m grateful for, just to name a few. I even wrote a few sentences on what I left behind in 2025 or in essence what I let go of. I wrote a few things such as:
- I’m letting go of Wall Street.
- I’m letting go of the need to evangelize about pole dancing, sexual freedom and spiritual enlightenment to everyone. If they ask, I’ll share but I’m past passing out tracks. That's a blog post for another day. It needs a little bit of an explanation.
- I’m letting go of WORRY. I am always with source and I always have what I need. I do not need to worry.
I patted myself on the back for my list. An hour later, I came back to my list knowing there was one more thing I needed to write on there.
- I’m letting go of Osiris. It’s a dead horse….a corpse…and I keep unburying it and trying to make out with it.
As I wrote those words, I was instantly reminded of the conversation I had with my guy friend years ago. Here I was three years later giving myself the same advice. When will I ever learn? I can not complain about my life. I have an active dating life. I’ve met some amazing men. I am loving my single life and the choices I make. BUT, for every new date and for all the yummy meals my current lover makes, now and then I mentally go back to one of my ex’s. He’s the one I rarely talk about…in a public manner, but just ask my best friend. I feel as if every other conversation has me giving her an update on, “Osiris.”
“So I haven’t heard from him.” “Do you want to hear what he said to me?” “He lives with her.” “He says I’m the woman of his dreams.” “I just miss him.” “I'm so over him” “Fuck him.” “Will it ever be our time?” “He made his choice.” “Ugh, I’m so sick of saying his name.” “I just want to be with him.”
Holy Crap! Really Sheena!!! We were together for six months…six FREAKING years ago. Then there was 3 years of silence and then almost 3 years of rekindled conversations that have amounted to nothing but him occupying my mind and me longing for his kiss and his call. You’ve got to be kidding me. I won’t trivialize it. I loved this man. Actually, truth be told, I’ll always love this man. BUT ITS OVER! Get a grip Sheena.
This past summer, that revelation hit me. It’s tried to hit me a couple of times but it was last summer when it hit me and for the most part, I’ve let it go. Although when I’m feeling sad and weepy and nostalgic, I often dance to emotional, slow, sad songs in dance class. Usually its a dance mourning, yearning, wanting him. That’s my last hurdle. I need to stop dancing our story in my pole classes.
So, here I am writing my wrap up for 2012 and I’m writing my list of what I need to let go of and it hits me like a ton of bricks. What is up with the metaphorical necrophilia that so many of us choose to fall victim too?
I can’t begin to tell you the countless stories from my friends and acquaintances who all are trying to resuscitate a dead relationship from circa FOREVER AGO. Like the medic declared it dead back in 2000 and they are still doing CPR. “They”. Well obviously from this post, I have done the same. It’s a metaphor remember. Even still, OF COURSE the geek in me had to look up more details about necrophilia so that I could have a juicy metaphor for you.
Necrophilia is the sexual attraction to corpses. In metaphorical relationship terms its the desire for dead shit! According to some of the “leading experts”, some of the reasons this develops in the ten tier classification are as follows…including my reasons for “metaphorical necrophilia”…
- fear of rejection –> I.E., You don’t want to take the risk to move on. what if you never love anyone like you loved him? What if no one else gets your jokes like he did? Only he can make pancakes like you really like them.
- a desire to reunite with a lost partner –> I.E., You’re in denial, a delusional state, a fantasy world or simply still in grief about your old relationship. You don’t want to heal.
- overcome feelings of isolation –> I.E., When you have a bad date or bad sex or its years later and you’re still single, only in those moments do you really think about them.
- a desire for comfort –> I.E., You like what you think was the security you found in that relationship. Your memory is holding to a false sense of safety that you are projecting onto the past.
- a desire to remedy low self esteem by expressing power over the dead thing. –> I.E., You have low self esteem and you’re taking the easy way out rather than risking vulnerability with another.
I really don’t even need to go any further. The main lesson is MOVE ON, LET GO, LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE and by the way metaphorical or not, necrophilia is illegal in most places and its one law that I think we should comply with. Listen, I do believe that some relationships end up getting a 2nd, 3rd or indefinite amount of chances. That happens. But there are some relationships that are JUST DEAD. In your gut, you know the difference between hope, working things out, and DEAD SHIT! We’d look twice at a person trying to have sex with a physical dead corpse, but please for the love of whatever you believe in, STOP trying to make a lasting life with the dead corpse of your past relationship.
This post is a note to self and to whomever it applies.
