Adoption Services International's Feed

Ukrainian Adoptive Parents: How similar are adoption waits to pregnancy?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 09:55:21 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

I find most adoptive parents go through major emotional swings and ups and downs, but because they have not hormones to blame, they often think they are the only one who experiences these emotions.

I hope the emotional ups and downs become more openly discussed and accepted/expected from those supporting the adoptive parents.

Enjoy this article:

Paper Pregnant: How Adoption and Pregnancy Are Similar

babble.com
Diana Stone

Pregnancy has wait times most every woman goes through. The two week wait, the shower countdown, and of course the highly anticipated due date. Among others like the ultrasounds or the first heartbeat.

Adoption has it's own wait times. The completion of the homestudy, the referral of a child or children, and then the travel date. After that, it's a finalized adoption later on when the post homestudy is completed.

This process is incredibly different from and yet so much the same with being pregnant with Bella and then my twins. I've been told we are "paper pregnant" which fits well (and I think is a cute term). Although, part of me thinks we won't even be that until we have a referral.

Pregnancy is an instant "Yes! ___ months to go!" Adoption is more of reliving that moment several times over as the process gets closer to an actual time frame you can talk about. Usually the two week wait comes at the very end when you wait for your travel call and get 10-14 days to pack up and head overseas.

This is a very emotional journey of it's own. We notice a complete difference in reactions when telling people we are adopting - it's not that they aren't excited, but there isn't a actual child (yet) to be excited over. They are more curious and often taken aback (We hear a lot, "So you'll never have kids again?" and we assure them that isn't the only reason for adoption), and always eager to know more about it.

The referral of a child to us will be a huge moment - probably the biggest one of this until we go to get them. We will have things to tell people about them, a picture to show, skills and personalities to brag on; as all parents do. We will be able to find out what special needs our child has and research how to best care for them, how it will impact them and us in the future, and connect with others who may know about it. We will be able to get to know our child and see them grow up before we even can hold them and call them ours.

It's such a different thing to go through in becoming a parent, yet each step reminds me so much of parts my past two pregnancies. So many emotional highs and lows ("We can't wait!" and "Are we doing the right thing?" and "Can we do this?!") hit us each and every day. We know in our hearts we were meant for this, that our family isn't complete yet and our boys didn't leave us here with the inability to move forward - their memories are always on our minds.

No matter how long this "paper pregnancy" takes, just like when you carry a child in you, it's always worth it in the end.

Adoption Services International helps loving US families unite with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique combination of professional, individualized, quality consulting, personal adoption experience, affordable local cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

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Ukrainian Adoptive Families! Ukrainian Cultural Festival July 12-14 NY Catskills

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 09:39:55 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

7th Annual Ukrainian Cultural Festival July 12-14 returns to the Catskills

For seven years now, the Soyuzivka Heritage Center in Kerhonkson, N.Y., has been reminding us all - via its annual Ukrainian Cultural Festival - that Ukrainians have a rich culture to share with the rest of the world. Over 5,000 people are expected to attend in what has become the largest Ukrainian festival in the U.S.A.

The festival is headlined by Vika (Vika Vasilevich), a singer and songwriter from Ukraine who is making her mark on the American music scene. She will be accompanied by her own six-piece band of phenomenal musicians.

The festival's guest star, Vika, in April of this year became the first Ukrainian artist to have a song played full length in a major Hollywood film Her song "Want you" is featured in "Arthur Newman," starring Academy Award-winning Actor Colin Firth, Emily Blunt and Anne Heche.

From Friday evening, July 12, to Sunday, July 14, the grounds, decks, patios and tennis courts at Soyuzivka will echo with the sounds of Ukrainian music and the daring high kicks and swirling dances that express the passion of the Ukrainian people. Savory ethnic foods, varenyky or pyrohy (whatever your preference in terminology), kovbasa and holubtsi will delight your palate.

The vendors' plaza - visitors will find the most unique items of Ukrainian art and crafts, embroidery, pysanky and many souvenir items will be available - will open each morning at 10 a.m. Each evening there will be music and dance performances on the Main Stage, followed by the traditional "zabava" (dance).

Many other performers and artists will grace the Ukrainian Cultural Festival stages throughout the weekend, foremost among them the celebrated violinist Vasyl Popadiuk, considered the duke of the gypsy-style violin. Popadiuk and his band Papa Duke will provide a Carpathian hoedown with a unique and energizing blend of Ukrainian, Latin, classical, rock and jazz - best described as world fusion music.

Dancers will delight the audience with their grace, expert kicks, swirls and twirls, and fancy footwork.

Many more performers will be added to the performance roster, so stay tuned for more information.

Soyuzivka Heritage Center 216 Foordmore Rd, Kerhonkson NY 12446,

Call 845-626-5641 for more information or visit www.soyuzivka.com

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Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine: Wisdom and Advice From a 12 Year Old Adoptee

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:22:45 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Anyone considering older child adoption please read! Tips for adoptive parents from a 15 year old adopted from Kazakhstan when she was 12. Such wisdom!!

by lajoyfamily.blogspot.com

I had the most interesting conversation this afternoon with Angela, who at almost 15 years old is wise beyond her years and always has been. Home three years now, she has spent a lot of time in contemplation about her life, her adoption, her birth mom, and so much more. I have the deepest respect for this daughter of mine, for the courage and honesty she has always shown, and for the healing work she has not shied away from.

I shared with Angela that I had been in conversation in recent weeks with a mom who had just adopted a 15 year old girl from Bulgaria. She and her husband are in a very demanding, challenging situation, and wisely are reaching out in different directions for support and encouragement. I received an email from her a couple of days ago, and in these early days home things are not the fairy tale many want to make it out to be. She is a wise, thoughtful mom and will do well, but is weathering some rough storms right now.

Angela and I started recalling our first weeks and months together, where our key moments were and what they meant. We talked about communication with no shared language, discipline, and so much more. An hour and a half later, we were still talking. She kept telling me what she thought I should tell this new mom and other parents adopting older kids, so I thought I'd share some of my wonderful daughter's hard earned wisdom about adopting older children, and those early days of doing the New Family Dance. I am, of course, paraphrasing in my quotes, to the best of my recollection, in Angela's voice.:

1) "It's not a fairy tale, mom. It's hard and uncomfortable, and everyone thinks it is going to be comfortable fast, but it won't be. You need to tell parents that it takes a lot longer than they think for everyone to feel like they are not strangers. They put too much pressure on themselves, maybe because they think everyone is watching them and they feel like they have to pretend they are all loving right away. That is silly, they can't be and no one should think they should be."

2) "We were told so many bad things about coming to America, so many wrong things. We were told that when we got off the airplane they would take us to a hospital and cut our hearts out. They told us that all Americans were rude, and that all Americans were rich. I can see now that the women who worked there might have been jealous because their life was so hard, or maybe they were uneducated or listened too much to the government that said America was bad, but back then I was younger and I didn't know what the real truth was. Parents who come to adopt don't know how many people are telling us crazy things about our new life. It makes it harder because they are not honest about what it might be like."

3) "Let your kids get mad at you, you don't have to be their best friend, you have to be their mom and dad. I won't forget on the airplane coming home when I was so rude to you, and you let me have it right there. I knew you were not someone to be that way with. I was MAD, but mom, if you hadn't done it then, I would have gotten worse and worse because I would have known you were scared to discipline me. Too many parents are too worried with their new kids that their kids will be mad at them and not love them, but what they are really doing is making it all harder by not being tough and loving parents right from the beginning. I was a bully at the orphanage, I made fun of the adults who were weaker, and I wasn't honest. Mostly, I was that way because I could get away with it and no one cared if I was honest or kind."

4) "I don't know how our family would be like if you had gone back to work and we had gone to school right away. I didn't want to be close to you and Dad yet, and I would have probably found some bad kids to get close to and we never would have gotten close. I am really, really glad you stayed home and forced us to spend time together. It made it all go faster, I got used to you faster, and soon it didn't feel so weird."

5) "Tell parents this...tell them don't force their older kids to hug them and get too close to them. You and Dad did it just right, you played a lot with us. You gave us a lot of time and didn't expect us to be all huggy at first. You didn't push yourselves to us when we didn't really know you, you let us come give you hugs. But you know what I liked? You tried a little. Remember when at first I was really mean and cold to you, and pushed you away? You didn't force me to love you, and you didn't pretend it was all good. But you didn't act like you hated me either. And you would sneak in and put your arm around my shoulder sometimes or touch me on my hand or arm. At first, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but it felt really weird. I didn't think I liked it, because no one ever touched me before. But then, one day, I realized I liked it, and then you started hugging me, and I liked that too, but only after I felt like you weren't going to push me to pretend to love you."

6) "Mom, you didn't know how bad I didn't want to disappoint you, and how I was afraid you might send me back. I wanted to be perfect, but then the stress made it worse because I didn't know how to be perfect because everything was new, and inside I was mad sometimes for no reason. But even when I was mad, it was like I still wanted you to be proud of me. I was so mixed up! And I had spent a long time not caring too much if someone was proud of me, and I got away with a lot of things, so I had to break bad habits like lying. But for some reason, once I got home, it was like I couldn't even lie anymore."

7) "Oh, you need to tell them that they shouldn't give their kids too much stuff because we don't know what to do with it and we don't even know what we really like or want. I think sometimes new parents want to give their kids everything to show they love them, but we didn't have anything before and most Americans have way more than we are used to. I was actually kind of glad our rooms were not with too much stuff. It was a little more than our orphanage, but not too much and it made it feel better. When I was home for awhile and was in another girl's room who we met at homeschool, it was way too much and I remember thinking I was glad I didn't come home to that!"

8) "Learning English made my brain hurt. I would do OK in the morning, but everything was so new like food and stuff. My brain just was mixed up all the time and I remember wishing I could turn it off sometimes! There wasn't much we could do, because I had to learn, but I still remember feeling so confused and just tired of trying to understand everything that was new all around me. Just learning how to live in a house was a lot to learn! There was so much new things like a washer and dryer, and where foodwent and stuff."

9) "I think parents want everyone to meet their new kid, and for their kid to see new places right away, but you and Dad took us places a little at a time. Walmart was SO big! It was crazy! And I am glad our church was small because there was so many new people to meet, and I was embarrassed when they talked to me and I couldn't understand, but it also felt good to know they talked to me, too. It's hard to explain. But I think you guys made us stay home a lot at first, and that helped a lot. We got to go out some, but not too much that would make my brain hurt some more. We were used to being in one building all the time, and only going out in a car maybe two or three times a year away from the orphanage, maybe to a doctor or something. Now I see how everyone lives a normal life and that wasn't normal at all, but to us it was and THIS was not normal. I think we needed to be slow getting used to going places more."

10) "Sometimes I was very lonely, even though Olesya was here and the boys were all here. I missed my friends because they were like my family, and I felt guilty that I had so many nice things and good family, and they didn't and most of them never would. Sometimes, when I thought about it, I felt really awful. It helped me a lot when you asked if I missed them, and I knew you understood when you said it was OK. Then when you said let's go buy them some little things and send them, and you can write letters to them, I really felt sad and happy at the same time, because I didn't want to hurt your feelings that I was feeling sad, but I couldn't help it...but I was so glad that you didn't get mad at me and understood. And that time you gave me a hug and I cried, and it felt good, and knew you were a good mom and I didn't have to feel guilty for being sad sometimes. That helped SO much."

11) "When I saw you cry...remember that night when I was so mean to you? When you cried, it was like I melted a little, and I was ashamed of myself for being mean. I think I was only thinking of myself and I didn't think much about how I was hurting your feelings because you always acted so strong. I was very surprised when you cried, and then Dad made me go in and apologize to you, and you told me how much you loved me and had waited so long for me, but even then you said it was OK for me to be mad that it took so long, and that you were mad about that too because we didn't have that time together. I didn't even know I was mad about that until you said you were! Then I realized that waiting so long wasn't your fault at all, and I was being mean for no reason when you were really such a good mom. I knew I was going to blow it, and I had a chance for a really good family if I could just stop being so mad inside. Then you hugged me, and remember I sat on your lap and we both cried? That was when I knew you were really my mom, because you could get sad and mad with me, and I could be the same with you...and we could still be OK with each other. But I was really ashamed for a long time about how I had treated you in Kazakhstan and when we first got home. But you are such a good mom, and you made me feel like you totally forgive me. I think I started getting God a little more then, too."

12) "Your kids don't know how to be kids, and they don't know how to be adults, and they don't really know how to be anything! You knew that we needed to be little kids, and sometimes I still do even though I know I am more grown up now. Kenny is still a little boy like Joshua, even though he is 14 and plays super heroes. I am so glad I don't have to grow up too fast, and that you let me be grown up when I want to be grown up, and be little when I want to be little. I don't want to be too little anymore, but I don't have to have a boyfriend or start dating or pretend I want those things yet. Someday I will, but right now I just want to have fun, study school, and be a kid. Kenny would never be normal at school, and at home he can be who he is and not get beat up or do stupid things to fit in. He is changing, but he isn't ready for all that stuff. I don't think any kid who comes home from an orphanage is ready for that stuff, even if they act like they are. We came from a really good orphanage, and I am still not like a normal 15 year old American teenager, and I don't really want to be either. But I couldn't be, and neither can Olesya, and Kenny can't for sure. We can sometimes when we are around them, but not all day, it would be too hard, and they are all into things we are not into yet. I remember playing with Playdough, and shaving cream and stuff that I see Shea do oryounger kids play with, but we were older and still wanted to do it. I remember playing in the sand at Ridgway with the little kids and having so much fun! I never got to do that before, and I think American parents who adopt older kids think we did all the same things that kids here do, but we didn't because there was no money, and no one to do it with."

13) "You didn't ever give up, even when I was stubborn. Remember when you took me to the library when we first got home, and I stood there and said I don't like books and didn't even want to look at them? Mostly I really didn't like books because I couldn't read well in Kazakhstan, and there were no cool books to read so it was boring. But you didn't give up, and you kept taking us and let me check out nothing, and one day I was interested in Amelia Earhart, and you helped me get a picture book, and all of a sudden I liked books! Now I LOVE to read, and you didn't give up on me so I could learn to like them, but you didn't force me either. Parents give up too soon, and when we get here everything is so new we don't want to try things because sometimes it is just too many new things to try, but later when we feel better and life is easier, it is easier to try things."

14) "Some kids are bad though, Mom, and they won't ever change. I remember one kid who was adopted and I felt bad for the parents, because they seemed nice, but this kid was not a nice kid and I think she was never going to be nice. Maybe she changed, because I did, but I wasn't bad in the same way as she was bad...she was kind of evil I think. But most kids are not like that at all, and they would be very different if they had a family."

15) "I don't know what you and Dad did, but you made everything not so serious and we laughed a lot, but you were still serious and we knew it. I am not saying it right, but when you made fun of us and teased us, we knew you weren't being mean, you were trying to say it was all OK if we made mistakes, and we could laugh and have fun with it so we didn't worry. You tried to speak Russian, remember, and you even made fun of yourself! But you were serious about us getting a good education and working hard in school, even if it was putting cards on Matthew's body parts and laughing as we did it! You worked very hard, and you still do, and so do we because you showed us it was important. I didn't care about school before, but something you did made me want to care."

16) "You told us how to hug, remember? After things were good, and we didn't feel so upset and we were all loving, we didn't really know how to hug or be close. We wanted to, but it's silly to say we didn't know how, but we didn't. You joked with us about hugging and being far apart from each other, and then you made us hug big bear hugs and made bear sounds, and it was so funny! But we never hugged anyone we loved before, not really that I can remember, and hugging someone you sort of like isdifferent from hugging someone you love." 17) "When we used to live in Kazakhstan in the orphanage, we saw a lot of things we shouldn't have seen. We saw lots of bad movies with a lot of violent things in them or scary things, we saw kids who killed themselves because they were so sad, we saw things with our first moms and dads that we shouldn't be seeing. I think parents think we come like little, little kids, like Joshua and Matthew. We can't help it, we aren't little and things happened around us that we couldn't not see. It changes us, and you can't change that even if you love us. Parents need to know we aren't like new babies, but we can still be good kids if they stick with us and love us enough."

18) "Remember after we had been home about a month, and Olesya and I kept looking at all your old photo albums? I think that was really important, and we just couldn't stop looking at them. Now that I am older, I know it was because I was trying to learn who you and Dad were, and to learn what your life with Matthew, Joshua and Kenny was like too. It was like a story I didn't know but was a part of, and I needed to know more. Olesya looked at your wedding pictures over and over again, and I liked the ones of you and Dad when you were even younger. I think parents should always take out their picture books and show them to their kids, and let their kids see them a lot because they need to know where their mom and dad come from and what their life was like. It makes you feel more like part of the family. And I never told you, but it meant a lot to me to see our pictures on the fridge and the board in the hallway, and I could tell they were old and had been there a long time. It made me feel like you were being honest when you said you had really loved us for a long time, and it made me feel like we were part of the family even when we weren't home."

These are the things from her conversation today that stand out. Every child is different, of course, and kids who come home older than 10 or 11 might react differently, just as those who come home younger but still older than toddlers might as well. I am betting, though, there is a lot of commonality here in Angela's experiences that runs through many older child adoptions. I don't know if this will help enlighten anyone or not, but I hope it might help someone out there who is wondering what in the world is going through their new child's mind, and how they might approach it.

Angela, someday you will read this and you nor I will remember all the details of this conversation, for it is just one of thousands we have already had. But when you read this, sweetheart, I want you to know just how much I admire you, how much I trust your instincts, and how very glad I am that we found one another. You asked me in the car today when we were alone, how I knew you and Olesya were my daughters, and we spoke of God guiding us, of us not steering the boat so to speak, and how it was hard to explain, but I just knew and trusted God on this one. You were so interested, and you said with such sure confidence, "Yup! That's just how it works, and it is so cool to see it. God makes it all fit perfectly, just like our family fits perfectly...even if everyone thinks we don't match, WE know we match!"

I love you, my wise, wise one. Always have, always will.

If you have considered adopting an older child, please contact Adoption Services International to see how we can help: 908-444-0999. info@asi-adoption.com

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Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking in New Jersey

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 31 May 2013 21:38:05 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking in New Jersey

If you have ever considered adoption, this is a wonderful opportunity to learn more about the Ukrainian adoption program and meet local NJ families that have adopted and are in the process of adopting from Ukraine.

With over thousands Caucasian children available for international adoption, Ukraine is a sizable source of adopted children in the US, yet many parents considering adoption have never heard about this European adoption program. There are many unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very different from most international and domestic adoptions. Ukrainian adoptions generally take less than a year, adoptive parents choose their child or children based on medical history, there is no age limit for older parents and it is affordable in comparison to other programs. Children are generally available from age 5 and older.

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual information session. Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian Adoption Specialist will provide information about Adoption Services International's Ukrainian adoption consulting services, as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that international adoption provides for both children and their adoptive parents.
Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided. Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

Details:
Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm
Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave. Washington, NJ 07882
To find out more visit us at: https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption
Space is limited. Please resister in advance: info@asi-adoption.com or 908-444-0999

For more information, contact:

Ukraine's Foreign Minister Meets Ukrainian Adopted Children And Their Families In NYC

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 10 May 2013 13:05:16 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Last week, in his first visit to the United States as Ukraine's Minister of Foreign Affairs, Minister Kozhara took the time to meet with parents who have adopted from Ukraine and their children.

He expressed a warmth and gratitude towards the parents for offering these children "a better life".

He stated that it would be ideal for all children to be adopted within the country, but that that is not realistic.

The Minister started his career at the newly independent Ukrainian Embassy in Washington, DC and holds a warm place in his heart for America.

His wish is that Ukrainian adopted children grow up proud of both the United States and their original motherland, Ukraine.

He mentioned how important it was for parents to file their obligatory reports on their adopted children.

There was a lot of press at the event and both the press and other Ukrainian officials expressed that the fact that the minister made this meeting a priority (after all he met with Secretary of State Kerry and was slightly late to this meeting because he was with the General Secretary of the UN) shows how positive he is toward international adoption in Ukraine.

Ukraine's Foreign Minister Leonid Kozhara met with adopted Ukrainian children and their American families in the Consulate General of Ukraine in New York

Today, 01:55

On May 7^th, 2013, Minister for Foreign Affairs of Ukraine Leonid Kozhara met with adopted Ukrainian children and their American families in New York.

The meeting was held at the Consulate General of Ukraine in New York.

During the meeting the Minister informed of Ukraine's policy in the sphere of inter-country adoption, stressed on the importance of ensuring the children's rights, as well as timeliness of submitting post-placement reports on wellbeing of adopted Ukrainian children.

The meeting was held in a warm, friendly atmosphere. The families shared their happy stories of adoption of Ukrainian children.

At the end of the meeting, the children launched balloons of Ukrainian flag's colors into the sky and got Ukrainian souvenirs on behalf of the Minister for Foreign Affairs of Ukraine.

In the photo: Ukraine's Foreign Minister Leonid Kozhara meets with adopted Ukrainian children and their American families

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Why We Need To Attach: Suggestions To Help Your Ukrainian Adopted Child Attach

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 10 May 2013 12:24:36 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

I like this article because it not only explains the background and causes, but how to be successful in bonding with your adopted child, from as soon as you meet them and forever.

Article Title

Why We Need to Attach

Sara-Jane Hardman and Jean Mauro LCSW

We hear so much today about the words "attachment", "attachment disorder" or, even more frightening, "Reactive Attachment Disorder," "RAD." Yet we rarely see a clear explanation of what this is or what consequences it has on an individual's life. Attachment grows from a secure relationship with a primary caregiver, usually the mother, and is necessary for normal social and emotional development.

First described by the noted British psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the mid- twentieth century, attachment has come to be understood as the connection that enables an individual to feel secure, trust others, develop friendships and find intimacy. Without trust, he will be afraid to take life's necessary risks, but he will not avoid unnecessary risks, and he will not feel safe. Attachment is extremely important. As parents we need to understand the primacy of attachment so that we can maximize our child's attachment to us and then to himself and finally the world.

Where does attachment begin? In the womb. Studies have shown that embryos are already bonding when they feel movement, hear voices and other sounds, and have their senses stimulated through smell and taste. Optimally the womb is a good safe first home for a baby about to be born. When a child is born to a mother who is stressed, his first environment is an inhospitable one and he cannot develop optimally. If, after birth, he is removed from that familiar figure the event is traumatic for him, and he suffers all of the consequences of a traumatic event. As unfamiliar as it sounds, even a very young child such as an infant who is separated from his mother, will suffers a loss which he feels in his sub-conscious mind.

At any time during childhood separation from the mother figure is very difficult. Babies who develop in a distressed womb and then are separated from their mothers will find it difficult to overcome these stresses on their own, and they may show some symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder at birth. For them life is already troubled and they need to secure their equilibrium. Unable to progress smoothly through the stages of development unaided, they will need a blueprint for help through the trouble spots and an intimate understanding of the problem by their parents and other involved adults. If we imagine attachment as a continuum we can see that these children may place anywhere along the continuum from mildly affected to severely affected. At the far end of the continuum is Reactive Attachment Disorder. Depending on how far they are along this line, the road to healthy maturity becomes increasingly more arduous. Once the baby is born, he will need to move through the stages of development with some success. To do this, he must first learn to become attached to and bonded with a trustworthy mother figure. He will learn from that mother and her attentive behavior to trust that his needs will be taken care of. Eventually, he will trust that when she leaves him, she will return, and when he begins exploring, he can trust that she will be there when he returns.

We can all understand the significance of trust. It is the basis of every relationship throughout our lives. It is from our ability to trust first our mothers and what they say and then ourselves that a conscience is born, ethics are developed and a sense of personal identity, an "I am" is achieved. "I am!" "I am smart." "I am capable." 'I am honest." "I am proud." This is the child who can control his urges in order to attain his goals. And if he knows who he is and is satisfied with himself he can go on to care for other people's feelings and learn how to take care of others. He will learn how to do a job well, how to have a sense of competence. He will naturally evolve, in Erik Erikson's terms, "a sense of industry." This sense of industry, he asserts, is what develops a lasting basis for cooperative participation in productive adult life. When trust is not attained and developmental goals are not being reached or are interrupted, there is a sense of identity confusion, and an inability to feel any confidence about who one is and how one fits into the world. A crucial aspect of learning how to develop identity, Erikson believes, is settling on an occupation with the accompanying feeling, "This is what I do well, and this is what I have to offer the world." The inability to settle on an occupational identity is perhaps the most difficult obstacle to maturity for many young people. One of the final achievements in development is the ability for true intimacy with another, which can only come when one is sure of a stable personal identity.

This attainment of intimacy is a feeling of being open to and bonded to another while maintaining a sense of separate self. There are various ways to achieve this goal, but all require long term opportunity for exposure to a lifestyle that promotes the ability to internalize a stable self. Such an opportunity eases the transition into young adulthood. It is our role as adoptive parents to help our children through this journey toward ultimate maturity and a fulfilled life. Below are some suggestions to help your child attach:

â�¢ Be attuned to your child's natural schedule for sleep, feeding and play. There have already been many unpreventable frustrations that this child has encountered, and there will continue to be others. These are children who may not trust that their needs will be met so they have a harder time dealing with disappointments and delays. By focusing on the baby's needs and wants rather than on the maintenance of an imposed schedule, additional frustrations may be minimized. Therefore, parental responses must be immediate and appropriate.

â�¢ Be attuned to your child's emotions. The child may be grieving over the loss of an earlier caregiver. Allow him time to mourn and be there to help him deal with the loss. It is important at this time that his emotions be soothed. He should be held, cradled and sung to but not denied opportunities to feel his sadness.

â�¢ Maximize the time spent with your child. This is not a child who should be left often with babysitters or other surrogates. He needs consistent care from the primary caregiver who must also do all of the feeding, bathing, changing and other activities that facilitate bonding.

â�¢ Be consistent with attitude and performance. A child should be able to trust that routines and responses will be consistent. Feeding, napping, bedtime should be on a regular schedule and emotional responses should also be predictable.

â�¢ Provide the model for a range of facial expressions such as smiling and frowning and all of the expressions in between. Maintain eye contact when tending your child so that he will mimic your behaviors and maintain a feeling of being connected.

â�¢ Maintain close physical contact so that your child feels as if he is almost an extension of you. Hold the child whenever you can, rock him, cuddle him and encourage him to touch your face and hair. If you can't always hold him, keep him in the same room. This will encourage a sense of security and comfort, especially if he was not held enough before he joined your family. Keep him on a bottle longer than is usual and use the opportunity to hold him even more. Bathe with him. Such activities as hand feeding while holding the child, rather than propping a bottle, rocking, hugging, tickling, singing, massaging and engaging in playful behavior while maintaining eye and physical contact are essential. As he gets older and is toddling and walking around, allow him to be your shadow to maintain that closeness.

â�¢ Closely monitor your child's performance by staying with him or encouraging him to check in frequently with you. As he grows older, it is important to carefully supervise his chores and homework. He needs you to see that work is done and done to some previously established standard. Providing opportunities for success will help build feelings of mastery and accomplishment. Limit opportunities for your child to make poor decisions which affect his sense of security and self-worth and thus jeopardize the attachment. A child who feels good about himself feels connected to others.

â�¢ Structure your child's time during the day so that there are many opportunities to engage in meaningful activities and idle time is minimized.

â�¢ Demonstrate affection regardless of your child's responses to that affection. He needs to be held and kissed and stroked even if he rejects these demonstrations of love.

â�¢ Nurture a happy and loving nature through shared play and modeling playful behavior. Happy surprises, mystery activities, silly moments are wonderful for developing this attitude. Toys and objects that encourage attachments should be readily available.

â�¢ Be aware of your child's need to behave as if at a younger age and allow him time to be there. If he wants to talk "baby talk" or crawl when he can walk, allow him opportunities to regress. Conversely, allow opportunities for him to play out more mature roles.

â�¢ Articulate your child's conscience until his sense of morality is strongly developed. Simple conversations about the relationship between cause and effect and the consequences of alternative actions are important for these children.

â�¢ Avoid control battles. State what has to be done or what is expected. Don't be diverted. If discipline is necessary, follow up with a time for affection and reassurance to avoid leaving the child with feelings of shame and worthlessness which will weaken the attachment. Do not isolate your child with "time outs" alone in his room. This will only increase his feelings of separateness. Have him do his thinking time near you so that he will feel safe and the bond will be reinforced even in difficult times.

In spite of all these activities aimed at developing attachment and eventually intimacy, it is critical to be aware that occasionally the child must withdraw and have space in order to stay balanced. While developing attachment, it will be necessary for the major caretakers to keep in mind the ultimate goal and be willing to go at the child's pace in order not to overwhelm him. It will be a matter of inching him toward attachment rather than insisting on it.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Adoption Services International has extensive experience helping adoptive parents make the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual information session.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided. Bring the whole family!

Registration is required.

Details:

Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave. Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com or https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance: info@asi-adoption.com or 908-444-0999

For more information, contact:

Portrait of An Adoption: A Mother's Perspective

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 10 May 2013 12:05:47 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

This article does an amazing job addressing the many forms of loss and how it can effect so many close to the adoption in unexpected ways. This article goes beyond the expected and addresses topics of how adoption effects your extended family and other unexpected feelings regarding adoption.

Lessons Learned from An Imaginary Redhead
By Elisabeth O'Toole

Originally published on Portrait of an Adoption

Not long after I married my husband (a tall redhead), my mom and I (both short and brunette) developed a plan. I was going to finally fulfill some long-held desires she'd had for her family - desires my siblings and I had not successfully satisfied. In the anticipated daughter I would soon be having (yes, it would be a girl), my mother was finally going to get not only a redheaded baby in the family, but, later, a long, lean and very talented basketball player.

I know this sounds like pressure, so I should admit that I had no problem with this assumption. In fact, I'm sure I perpetuated it far more than my mother did. After all, I was fully confident in my ability to produce this child; the child I imagined for us both.

That is not how things worked out.

As readers of Portrait of an Adoption well know, loss is a fundamental and complicated aspect of any adoption. In order for there to be gain - of a family, of a child - there must first be loss. Birthmothers and birth relatives experience an often great and abiding loss. The adopted child experiences loss - no matter at what age he is adopted or under what conditions he was adopted. Communities, foster parents, other children who may remain, and caregivers may experience loss as a result of adoption.

As an adoptive parent, I struggled with the loss of privacy, the loss of control over this aspect of my life -becoming a parent- and the loss of my imagined child - that redheaded basketball player I had expected.

Like most adoptive parents, I was counseled to try to understand the role that loss plays in adoption, and how it may be experienced by others, birthparents and adoptees, especially.

And I was advised to acknowledge and grieve loss as an important step toward adoptive parenthood.

I've come to believe that it's also important that we try to consider how others, outside of the immediate adoption triad might also experience loss related to adoption. This is especially common for our closest relatives. Like adoptive parents, it's not at all uncommon that others have also imagined and anticipated a particular child or experience, both for us and for themselves. When that expectation is unmet, other people may experience aspects of that same loss that many of us triad members do.

A grandfather described for me how his son's adoption plans meant the end of his family's genealogical line. And the grandfather's early resistance to the adoption - painful and frustrating for his son - stemmed from that loss. He needed time to let go of a lifelong (and reasonable) expectation. And he needed to mourn that real and legitimate loss before he could welcome the adoption.

A grandmother described for me her reaction to her daughter's announcement that she was adopting. The grandmother couldn't understand her own lack of enthusiasm, even sadness. After all, she told herself, she just wanted her daughter to be happy. And she'd always wanted to be a grandparent. She finally realized part of what was holding her back was her reluctance to let go of a dream she'd had, an experience she had long looked forward to.

For years, she'd pictured being with her daughter in a delivery room, present at the very moment of birth of her first grandchild. It was something she and her daughter had anticipated together. That she would not have this experience was a loss related to adoption that both of them had to acknowledge - and grieve.

Neither of these grandparents, nor their adult children, initially identified the grandparents' ambivalence toward adoption as related to loss. Instead, their loved ones viewed them as unsupportive and negative about adoption. But acknowledging loss and then grieving it were steps these grandparents needed to take. Just as the adoptive parents had.

In my own life as an adoptive parent, I didn't consider the losses others might have experienced around my family's adoptions until years after first adopting. I had begun talking to adoptive grandparents and relatives from other families as research for a book I was writing. And so it was, years after my first adoption, I found myself reconsidering my own relatives' reactions to adoption with new eyes. I finally came to recognize that the people around me had lost that redheaded basketball player, too. And I suddenly understood why one family member in particular had reacted to our adoption plans as she had.

At the time, feeling vulnerable and still trying to understand adoption myself, I couldn't understand or, frankly, have much compassion for what seemed to be her knee-jerk resistance to adoption. I thought this close relative was narrow-minded, overly concerned with appearances and tradition. But after making an effort to consider what this experience had been like for someone who, like me, had long anticipated a particular child and experience, I felt compassion for what I now understood was another person's response to her own loss. I wish I'd had that insight - and that vocabulary - at the time.

Though understanding loss is a standard discussion topic in adoption education, we don't typically offer others - who are also impacted by adoption - that language of loss. I think we should.

Thinking about loss in this way reinforces for me how adoption is not just about "us": my husband and I and our children. Rather, it's about a larger "Us": our parents, our siblings, our close friends and extended families. And as our family ages and our circle expands, adoption includes our kids' friends, their teachers, their caregivers, and the many other people who comprise our family's adoption circle.

I've come to believe that one of the responsibilities we adoptive parents take on when we adopt is to include others in adoption, to bring them in on it. One way we can bring people in is by acknowledging their own perspectives and experiences with adoption, perhaps including loss. Other people - besides adoptive parents - deserve the chance to ask questions and to share their concerns and fears about adoption. Other people need and deserve information and preparation for adoption. Because other people are going to love and want to advocate for our children and for adoption, too.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual information session.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided. Bring the whole family!

Registration is required.

Details:

Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave. Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com or https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance: info@asi-adoption.com or 908-444-0999

For more information, contact:

18 Things Never to Say to Adoptive Parents

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:23:54 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Oh the crazy insensitive things people say to adoptive parents!

18 Things Never to Say to Adoptive Parents

thestir.cafemom.comEricka SÃ³uter

They don't mean to be, but some friends and family can be very insensitive about the subject of adoption. I now have several friends who have chosen to start or expand their family this way and they often find themselves rolling their eyes at what people say. It's as though they feel the right to ask anything that comes to mind when they learn you have an adopted child. The most common questions: "What happened to his real parents?" As if you aren't the real parents. Or: "Where is he from?" Like every adopted baby must be from some exotic, Angelina Jolie-approved locale. But some comments and queries are even more rude and ridiculous. Check out the 18 things you should never say to parents who have adopted.

Does it bother you he won't ever look like you?
Be honest, do you love your biological kids more?
Why did they give her up? Is she sick?
Did you ever think about giving him back if something's wrong?
Wow, guess this is your good deed for the year!
Don't you want children of your own?
He's probably going to have abandonment issues.
What if the parents come back for him?
What is he?
Why didn't you get a kid from America?
Did you ever think about getting a black market baby instead of dealing with all this red tape?
Did you adopt because you can't have any?
When are you going to tell her she's adopted?
Do your other kids know she's not the same?
She is so lucky you took her in!
Aren't you worried his parents passed on some illness or something?
This is so great of you. You know, we thought about taking one of those poor children home during our vacay to the islands.
Hey, you are pulling an Angelina!

What are rude things have people said to parents who've adopted?

Image via mrgreen09/Flickr

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Adoption Services International has extensive experience making the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830

Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

Washington Township, NJ

Casual information session and opportunity for adoptive parents to discuss their personal experiences. Plenty of time for questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the children. Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided. Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

For more information, contact:

Children's Festival of Russian Culture: Fun Event for Adoptive Families in the NYC Area

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:52:24 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

RACH-C's 7th Annual Children's Festival of Russian Culture returns to the Peter Norton Symphony Space. This year, half a dozen wonderful Children's Ensembles from NYC Boroughs, Houston, Boston and Canada, are expected to grace the Peter Norton Stage. Performances will feature classic music and dances reaching back many generations from Russia, Ukraine and other locations of the former Soviet Republic.

2012, the first time the "Children's Festival" was held there, resulted in a well attended, well received, fun filled afternoon with exceptionally talented children's groups from as far as Canada. RACH-C is very gratified to have won the "Silver Archer" Award for our work with earlier festivals and we are confident that this year's performances will also be prize winners.

This year the theme of the festival is "Proud to be Russian-American," and we are privileged to be included in the celebration of "Russian American History Month in New York State".

Saturday April 27, 2013 - Curtain Time: 3:30 PM

Tickets: $20 (in advance) / $15 (Students/Seniors) / $25 (at the door)

Peter Norton Symphony Space Theater
2537 Broadway at 95th Street
New York, NY 10025

Russian American Cultural Heritage Center is a charitable and educational 501 C 3 not-for-profit organization, dedicated to collecting, preserving, and disseminating the best traditions, the history, the culture and the heritage of Russian Americans, and to sharing them with their friends and neighbors.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830

Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

Washington Township, NJ

For more information, contact:

Children

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:47:51 EDT

This year the theme of the festival is "Proud to be Russian-American," and we are privileged to be included in the celebration of "Russian American History Month in New York State".

Saturday April 27, 2013 - Curtain Time: 3:30 PM

Tickets: $20 (in advance) / $15 (Students/Seniors) / $25 (at the door)

Peter Norton Symphony Space Theater
2537 Broadway at 95th Street
New York, NY 10025

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption Helps Prevent Falling in Love With A Photo, Rather Than the Whole Child

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:22:48 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

This is such a great article. One of the reasons I like Ukrainian adoption is that you are not provided a referral and a photos you fall in love with before you travel. You choose your child from the government database of children available for international adoption based not just on a photo but medical and social history.

Even still, I think every adoptive parent experiences these feelings to some degree throughout and after the adoption process.

Falling in Love with a Fantasy Child

By sharla Published in Adoption Magazine

During the wait. Adoption usually involves waiting. Some wait for months. Some wait for years. Some wait for decades. During all that time spent waiting, it is only natural that your brain begins to imagine this fantasy child, what he or she will look like, what being a parent will feel like, what this child will be like. Before long, no matter how hard you try not to create a fantasy child in your brain, no matter how hard you try not to get too excited, human nature has taken over and you have an image of who this child is.

Preconception. And then the day comes when this maybe child becomes a probably child. For some, that day is the day they are chosen by a prospective birth mother. For others, that day is the day that an official referral arrives for an actual child, one with an actual picture. Suddenly, this child isn't just a figment of your imagination. By holding their picture in your hand or watching their movement on an ultrasound screen, this child goes from a hope you barely dare whisper to a person you love instantly. You begin to have preconceptions based on what they look like, what their expression is, even what they are wearing, as to what their personality will be.

Falling in love. You spend hours dreaming about your child. Even though you know you should try not to have expectations about what they will be like, what their personality is or how they will relate to you, it's next to impossible not to have preconceived notions. After all those years of anticipation, you can't help but fall completely in love with this child who you already feel as if you know.

Reality hits. In rare cases, the flesh and bone child may live up to your fantasy child, but most of the time, there is a disconnect between the two. The child you imagined would surely love you back right away (even if you know logically that this is not likely) and doesn't pull away from you, spit at you, cry all night, or reject you. Not all cases of reality are as shocking as raging or attachment issues. Perhaps the child you pictured was quiet and the child you have turns out to be extremely outgoing and active. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is an adjustment from what you had prepared for.

Grieving the child that wasn't. The discrepancy between the fantasy child or fantasy adoption and the reality can be one of the contributing factor of post adoption depression. This is one of the reasons why it is so important to acknowledge the loss of this imagined child or imagined life and grieve for that fantasy.

Accepting what is. Dreaming about adopting is very different from the reality of adopting. It is only after grieving for the child that wasn't that you can truly begin to attach to the child that is.

For more information, contact:

Casual Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:17:21 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Casual Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking

If you have ever considered adoption, this is a wonderful opportunity to learn more about the Ukrainian adoption program and meet local NJ families that have adopted and are in the process of adopting from Ukraine.

With over thousands Caucasian children available for international adoption, Ukraine is a sizable source of adopted children in the US, yet many parents considering adoption have never heard about this European adoption program. There are many unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very different from most international and domestic adoptions. Ukrainian adoptions generally take less than a year, adoptive parents choose their child or children based on medical history, there is no age limit for older parents and it is affordable in comparison to other programs. Children are generally available from age 5 and older.

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual information session. Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian Adoption Specialist will provide information about Adoption Services International's Ukrainian adoption services, as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that international adoption provides for both children and their adoptive parents.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided. Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

Details:

Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave. Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com or https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance: info@asi-adoption.com or 908-444-0999

For more information, contact:

EU Considers Landmark Political Association With Ukraine: Great News for Ukrainian Adopted Children

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 08:40:26 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

As the world has become more international, terrorist events and a bad economy have led to protectionist measures. It is hard to get work and educational visas for all countries. It would be a great gift for our Ukrainian adopted children if they could travel, work and go to schools freely throughout Europe.

Also the benefit to Ukraine can not be underestimated. It would be a great step, financially and politically.

by Deutche Welle:

The European Parliament has been handed a new report looking at Ukraine, which could ultimately pave the way to a landmark political association and free trade agreement with the European Union.

European Parliament envoys on Thursday (18.04.2013) said efforts to reach out to Ukraine in the buildup to Kiev's landmark association deal with Brussels were seeing some progress, but that challenges lie ahead.

Pat Cox, the European Parliament's envoy and former president, and former Polish president, Aleksander Kwasniewski, presented the report on Ukraine to the European Parliament. The report is crucial for the decision to move ahead with a planned association agreement with Ukraine, which includes provisions for a broad free trade deal. The agreements have been on hold for months due to the domestic political situation in Ukraine.

Observers rate the amnesty issued to former Interior Minister Yuriy Lutsenko, a close ally of jailed former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko, as particularly favorable. It was in fact one of the main goals of the Cox-Kwasniewski mission, Valeriy Tschalyi of Kiev's Razumkov Center told Deutsche Welle.

All eyes will be on the Kwasniewski-Cox report

In early April, President Viktor Yanukovych signed a decree pardoning six people, including Lutsenko and Ukraine's former environment minister Georgy Filipchuk. The EU had repeatedly criticized selective justice against opposition politicians, branding it one of the main hurdles to signing the accords with Ukraine.

Important step forward

Commissioned by the European Parliament, Cox and Kwasniewski visited Ukraine numerous times over the past months. Elmar Brok, chairman of the European Parliament Committee on Foreign Affairs, says the outcome is favorable, adding that he expects more from the government in Kyiv.

"I am disappointed in the Ukrainian government's attitude. It is conducting the process of harmonization with the EU much too slowly", he told DW, saying that selective justice must disappear and electoral laws and certain criminal law regulations must be rewritten. Provisions regulating the office of the attorney general in particular do not correspond with European standards, Brok said, underscoring that the Cox-Kwasniewski mission might be helpful concerning these issues. Their mandate is scheduled to be extended and linked to these tasks.

European politicians expect more from Ukraine, and Andreas Umland, a German political scientist, comes to the same conclusion. Lutsenko's pardon helped clear the air, however, he says. Over the past few months, the West saw nothing but negative signals from Kyiv, including irregularities in parliamentary elections, new criminal proceedings against Tymoshenko and, in March, a court order stripped her lawyer, Sergei Vlasenko, of his mandate in parliament. "If Tymoshenko is set free now, too, then there will probably be a positive decision by the European Commission in May," Umland says.

Time is short

May is the deadline, according to the EU plan, for Ukraine to fulfil its requirements. Then, the political association and free trade deal with the European Union could be signed by the end of the year.

Volodymyr Fesenko of the Penta Center for Political Studies in Kyiv is skeptical. He assumes Tymoshenko will not be pardoned, and expects electoral law reforms to fail. "The current relationship between the opposition and the majority in parliament does not allow for a compromise on such complex issues," Fesenko told DW.

It is not clear how the EU will react if Tymoshenko is not set free and the other conditions are not met. Possibly, Fesenko says, the planned free trade accord will be separated from the question of EU association. In that case, contested political issues could be ignored for the time being.

Fesenko can also imagine both accords being signed this year. The ratification process that the agreements must go through in EU member states would keep the pressure on the Ukrainian leadership, he said.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830

Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)

An opportunity to learn more about Ukrainian adoption and meet adoptive parents and their families.

For more information, contact:

How To Talk With Your Children About the Boston Bombings

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 17:19:58 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Excellent article on how to speak with your children about the Boston bombings. Sad that we so often need to address this topic.

Expert Advice: Talking to Your Kids About the Boston Bombings

By joslyngray

I really can't believe I'm writing this post. I feel like I just wrote it four months ago, after the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut. But with the realization that I can do almost nothing from several states away to help the people of Boston, I hope that I can at least help parents around the country in deciding how to talk to their kids about what happened at the Boston Marathon. Parent educator and psychotherapist Dr. Elaine Heffner, LCSW, Ed.D., offered some helpful advice this morning in a phone interview.

At first, I thought that kids might not react as strongly to this news story as they did to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings, because that involved a lot of children in a place that's supposed to be safe. However, as this story unfolds, we know that, in fact, many children were directly affected. Public schools are closed in Boston on the day of the Boston Marathon, so many children were there to cheer on the runners. Many children were injured; eight-year-old Martin Richard died waiting to greet his father at the finish line.

It was a marathon: a celebration of health, happiness, endurance, community. A celebration of Boston. No matter what comes of the investigation, no matter who is responsible, this is terrorism.

We have four kids; twin girls in sixth grade, another daughter in third grade, and a son in first grade. I didn't talk with them about this last night because honestly, all three of our daughters have diagnosed anxiety disorders, and bedtime is not the right time for a discussion like this. Our son, who has Asperger Syndrome, tends to be very anxious too.

I didn't talk about this yet with my nine-year-old daughter and seven-year-old son. I should have. It will come up in school today, certainly for my third grader. Dr. Heffner concurred.

"I spoke with a dad this morning whose 10-year-old daughter received a text, 'let's pray for the people in Boston,'" she said to me in a phone interview. "Even little kids today walk around with cell phones. It's a technological world, so it's very hard to know what your children are picking up. Even if they haven't watched the news, they're connected in other ways."

One issue holding me up on discussing it with them was knowing what was age-appropriate. Should I even talk about it with my seven-year-old? Can I possibly skip it altogether with my nine-year-old? She has massive anxiety issues and she's currently recovering from post-concussion syndrome, and I know that this will trigger some difficulties for her.

Dr. Heffner advised me not to focus what's appropriate for their age, but rather what's appropriate for their developmental level, and what else is going in their lives. "There's no one-size-fits all answer to these questions," she said. "If a child has ongoing issues like anxiety, you probably have some resources to use in terms of how this will impact her. But at age nine, she is going to be getting some feedback on this. Undoubtedly it will come up in school one way or another."

So, yes, I need to talk with my younger kids , too: both of them, bearing in mind that they're already anxious people. I'll talk to them after school. Conveniently, we have an appointment with our therapist tonight, but even if we didn't, she's only a phone call away.

Before I talk with them, I need to remember to keep my own anxiety in check, Dr. Heffner suggests. "As parents, we have our own anxiety," she noted. "We have anxiety about the thing that happened, and then we have anxiety about how it will impact our children. Our job is to not put that anxiety on our children."

Parents should start by finding out what their children already know (or think they know) about what happened in Boston, Dr. Heffner advised. Then, present the facts.

"You have to acknowledge that something bad happened," Dr. Heffner said. "We can't protect children from that. They know there are bad guys in the world. This is not something they can go through life without confronting. Our job as parents is to be there for them, and reassure them as much as we can, that we will protect them.

"You have to tell them, so that they begin to develop the ability to deal with these things on their own."

Children may not react the way we expect them to, and they may not understand the implications of what happened, and that's okay, said Dr. Heffner.

"It's a reflection of the way children are," she said. "They are literal. They are focused on concrete things. They don't always react to things exactly as we do."

On a personal note, this is a huge score for those of us with kids on the spectrum because we know alllllll about being literal and focusing on concrete things.

This morning, I did discuss what happened with my older daughters. In their middle school, they watch the news. They will hear about it. Rumors will fly. It is always better for us to have the conversation at home rather than let them hear garbled information from their peers. It is always better for us to provide context, give the facts, head off rumors.

I told them what happened: that two bombs went off near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, at a time when many, many runners were coming through. That three people died, including an eight-year-old boy. That as of latest reports, 145 people were injured, some of them still in critical condition.

I answered their questions: no, we don't know who did it. We don't know how many people are responsible. Boston police are working with lots of other government agencies to find out who did it. I reminded them that terrorist doesn't mean the same thing as Muslim, but that a lot of people think it does.

I told them that it's important to remember that yes, there are bad people in the world, but that there are many, many more good people than bad. I told them about people who helped, people who ran toward the explosion, people who cleared the path for ambulances. I told them about people who opened their homes to strangers, even though we don't know who did this. I told them about marathon runners who crossed the street and donated blood after running for four hours.

What I didn't do: I didn't show them photos. I can barely handle them myself. I saw one of a man in a wheelchair, who was missing the lower parts of both legs. The man running alongside the wheelchair appeared to be holding an IV. It wasn't. It was the victim's femoral artery he was clamping shut with his fingers.

Is it important to for me, an adult, to know the truth of what happened, the horror of it? Yes. Do my 12-year-olds need to see that kind of thing? No.

"I think parents should always should use guidance on what their children watch and don't watch," said Dr. Heffner, while also reminding parents that kids with social media accounts (or even friends with social media accounts) may be seeing more than you think.

Especially coming on the heels of the Sandy Hook tragedy, parents are wise to always be observant of their children's behavior. "Observe what your child is communicating to you through their behavior," said Dr. Heffner. "If you're seeing signs that something is really bothering them-sleep disruptions, nail-biting that wasn't there before-ask them what's going on."

But don't ask them about Boston right off the bat, because they might be worried about something much closer to home; standardized testing, softball try-outs, friend drama.

Dr. Heffner recommended opening up a conversation with "I think you're worried about something. I see that you're having trouble sleeping. Do you have any thoughts about what may be bothering you?"

If your child doesn't open up, you can try digging a little bit more. "What happened in Boston was pretty upsetting. I wonder if you're worried about that."

Dr. Heffner, who is also the author of GoodEnoughMothering, said that often, just talking with a parent and knowing that someone understands, will help resolve the issue.

"No one knows a child as well as the parent," she noted. "And parents can do a lot on their own. We live in a world where there's a very quick assumption, that if something's wrong, you need outside help immediately. I believe that parents have a lot more skill and power than they think they do."

Dr. Heffner clarified that if a child's worries are interfering with daily life, it might be time to seek some help. "Obviously, if the worrying persists, and interferes with their functioning, you might want to talk with somebody about it."

"The most important thing you can do is to really be in touch with your own child," she added.

Have you talked with your kids about the bombings at the Boston Marathon? I'd love for you to share in in the comments what's worked for you and your family.

Read more from Joslyn on Babble and at her blog, stark. raving. mad. mommy. You can also follow Joslyn on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

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Ways to Safeguard Against International Child Trafficking Are Not What You Might Expect

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 17:02:17 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Yesterday on NPR was a radio piece on how the evangelical Christian movement fueled the adoption and then very questionable adoption practices in Guatemala, then Ethiopia.

Despite what you may or may not think about this movement, I think the main points to learn from this radio program are very important:

1. That a giant step forward would be for the agencies IN THE US to be held responsible for the information they provide, or fail to provide, about children about children they are placing with families. There are situations because of the profit motive (and yes this applies to non-for-profits and non-governmental organization who must also insure that they have enough funds to run their organizations and pay employees) where the children are taken from parents under false pretenses and are not orphans at all. If US agencies were held responsible for the legal/social status of the children they placed, there would be a totally new level of scrutiny.

In e, only the government of Ukraine may place children to international adoptive parents in a very strict system where only children whose birth parents have irrevocably released all rights to the children are available.

2. That countries like Rwanda and Ukraine that have taken the position that the important thing is to evaluate carefully adoptive parents and ensure a good match with a child, rather than making the process as fast and easy for adoptive parents as possible have not see the abuses and questionable practices as seen in other countries.

Take a listen: http://www.wnyc.org/npr_articles/2013/apr/16/how-evangelical-christians-are-preaching-the-new-gospel-of-adoption/

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Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)

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Russia Bans 18 US Officials in Retaliation: Where The Russian Adoption Ban Started

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 11:44:08 EDT

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In a game of tit for tat, Russia bans 18 US officials. I think if we want Russia to open up their adoptions, US politicians of all colors need to do some serious fence mending politically with Russian officials.

As this article states: The US "Magnitsky Law infuriated Russian authorities, and Parliament quickly passed a retaliatory measure than banned Americans from adopting Russian children. Russia also has banned US funding for any non-governmental organization deemed to be engaging in politics".

"I think that both sides showed a definite restraint because in Washington and in Moscow there were hotheads demanding to inflate the list to an unthinkable size," Parliament member Vyacheslav Nikonov, who focuses on foreign affairs, was quoted as saying by the news agency Interfax.

The ITAR-Tass news agency quoted Deputy Foreign Minister Sergei Ryabkov as saying there also is a "closed part" of the list of banned Americans and that the United States knows of its existence.

http://www.arabnews.com/news/448026

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Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

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Why The Hague Convention Would Hurt Ukraine and Ukrainian Orphans

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:45:02 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Ukraine seeking mechanisms to control living condition of adopted children

I strongly agree that joining the Hague convention would not be in the interests of Ukrainian orphans or Ukraine as a country. When Russia joined the Hague convention, the cost of an adoption for American parents nearly doubled, and that money was going to US agencies not locally. When Guatemala joined the Hague convention, they almost had to shut down their adoption system because of the addition difficult requirements the Hague convention demands for every orphan before adoption. Neither Ukraine nor Ukrainian orphans need any Hague related red tape, bureaucracy and expenses. Money and time could be better spent.

Currently Ukraine has continuous reporting requirements for foreign adoptive parents: Registration at the nearest Ukrainian Consulate within 30 days of arriving in the US, Annual reports on the status of the child for the first 3 years after adoption and once every 3 years until the child reaches 18 years of age. If the goal is to know about Ukrainian adopted children, Ukraine should require a visit from a social worker to the adopted household after the child is adopted. This is called a post-placement visit and it is paid for by the parent and enforced by the State government. I suggest that Ukraine add a request for a post-placement in the first 90 days after the adoption, and that this report be filed with the nearest Ukrainian Consulate. In this way, Ukraine would be guaranteed information about the transition, health and location of the adopted child at no financial expense.

Compliance with the filing requirements may also increase if the required Registration Form and Registration Application adoptive parents must file be available in English. Currently it is only available in Ukrainian. Although there are samples of completed forms in English available on the web, it can take new parents hours to figure out these forms and may lead to incorrect information.

The article by Oleksandra Molotkova of Press TV, Kiev follows. Please join me in writing a supportive comment to this article. The link is under the article.

The debate for having more control over the living conditions of Ukrainian kids adopted abroad surfaced after a Ukrainian boy was shot dead in the United States by his American father. After the death of 13 year old Andrew Butler officials in Ukraine realized - they barely know anything about the fate of nearly half of adopted Ukrainian kids living abroad.

Nearly 10 thousand children from Ukraine have been adopted by American parents in the United Sates.
However, Ukraine officials say only 30 percent of those families report on the living condition of their adopted children.

Local NGO's assure that Ukraine needs to ratify the 83-member-states Hague Convention on adoption to ensure proper monitoring over such families.

Ukraine's Parliament has delayed the ratification of the convention for several times. Some analysts believe the convention does not meet the interests of Ukraine's orphans but rather favors children trafficking and legitimates international agencies that make money from organizing child adoptions. However, Ukraine's NGOs take issues with that stand.

The state still do not have an accurate mechanism to exert control over the condition of Ukrainian children adopted by foreign families. At the same time national adoption and social care remains a priority for the country.

Some link it up with the Russian Dima Yakovlev Law, which banned US citizens from adopting Russian children. In Ukraine the adoption process should not turn into a political bargaining chip. That was the tragic death of a Ukrainian boy that pushed the state to control international adoption more precisely.

http://www.presstv.ir/detail/2013/04/10/297506/ukraine-seeking-mechanisms-to-control-living-condition-of-adopted-children/

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Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

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FAS Diagnosis in Ukrainian Adoptive Children Should be Left To Professionals

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 10:04:52 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

FAS is a major cause of concern, but when you read the list of "symptoms or indicators" you can easily diagnose every child and adult with FAS. I love this disclaimer. It is so true!

Diagnosing Fetal Alcohol Syndrome should be left to professionals because there are many other factors that can contribute to the look of a child that have nothing to do with a child having FAS.

For example, children who are adopted out of environments such as orphanages where there is severe neglect and/or malnutrition may be very small and have measurements that fall below the 10th percentile. A child's heritage may cause distinct facial features such as a flat midface or small and slanted eyes. There are other syndromes that cause a child to have similar features to FAS but they are not related to FAS in any way. Children often lose their philtrim and their upper lip gets very thin when they smile. How many children do we all know that have big "cheesy" smiles? They may not have FAS, they may just be happy!

If you are concerned that your child or potential adoptive child may have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, you should consult with a specialist. There are many resources available to help you to locate a professional in your area. This is not a diagnosis that should be taken lightly or done in haste. This is definitely not a diagnosis that should be made by a layperson.

Read more: http://kidstoadopt.org/adoption-resources/medical-conditions/about-fetal-alcohol-syndrome/#ixzz2Q4JQwSsR
Follow us: @kidstoadopt on Twitter | 302549214902 on Facebook

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Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)

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The Remarkable History of Alexander Nevsky Cathedral in Yalta, Ukraine

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:01:01 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Alexander Nevsky Cathedral in Yalta, Ukraine

Yalta citizens decided to construct a new cathedral to commemorate the death of Emperor Alexander II, who died when a bomb exploded at his feet. Alexander III approved of this decision. The construction committee that was founded in 1890 was presided by a scientists, local history specialist and engineer A. Berthier-Delagard.

The first project, which was designed by an engineer K. Ashleyman in 1889, was declined. The cathedral was instead designed by N. Krasnov and P. Terebnyov. The foundation was officialy laid on March 1, 1891. The first stone in the foundation was placed by Empress Maria Fyodorovna. She also was the one who donated a considerable amount of money to the construction. The construction went on for 3 years, and money was collected everywhere.

The cathedral was built in Old Russian style. It is decorated with numerous ornate elements: portals, pilasters, hearts, and reliquaries. The cathedral is two-tiered and has open galleries. Inside walls are painted into white and pink shades, which make it light and jolly. Icons were manufactured in Vladimir Province, and eleven gilded domes were produced in Moscow. The interior of the two altar church was created by winners of the national contest, which included architect S. Kroshechkin and an artist from Kiev I. Murashko, who completed the iconostasis. Fresco painting outside the church was created by students of Antonio Salviati, an artist from Venice. In December of 1902 Alexander Nevsky Cathedral was consecrated.

Alexander Nevsky Cathedral helped Yalta citizens to go through the most gruesome years of the city history, including the revolution and wars. During the shootings of 1918 Yalta citizens hid in the cathedral. In 1938 the cathedral was shut down, and the domes were remolded. A sport club was founded there instead. Only in 1945 church service was restored and is working until nowadays. The building of parochial school, which was used as Teacher's House, was given back to the church.

In 2002 Yalta entrepreneurs and citizens collected money to gild the domes. Paintings and the iconostasis were also restored.

Nowadays Alexander Nevsky Cathedral, which stands at the foot of a short Darsan hill, conducts church services every day. Since 1995 until present days there is a secondary school at the church, and more than 100 pupils study there.

Address of Alexander Nevsky Cathedral: Crimea, Yalta, Sadovaya street, 2.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Original text: http://ua-traveling.com/en/article/alexander-nevsky-cathedral-in-yalta?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook

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Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm

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Free Information Session: Ukrainian Adoption Finances And Process

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:46:13 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Free Information Presentation and Question and Answer Period:

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and Process

With the recent ban on American adoptions in Russia, families are looking to other countries to adopt. Ukraine is NOT Russia. Their president has stated openly that they will NOT politicize their children. Our Ukrainian adoption program is one of the most affordable and shortest available. Adoptions can be completed in as little as 8 months!

With over 24,000 Caucasian children available for international adoption, Ukraine was the 5^th greatest source of adopted children in the US in 2012, yet many parents considering adoption have never heard about this European adoption program. There are many unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very different from most international and domestic adoptions. Come learn more about this adoption opportunity.

Have you or someone close to you considered international adoption? Learn more by attending one of our free information meetings. At the meeting, Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian Adoption Specialist will provide detailed information about all Adoption Services International's Ukrainian adoption program and services, as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that international adoption provides for both children and their prospective parents. We encourage an open, judgment free question and answer session to answer any concerns and inquiries.

Details:

Join Us: Thursday April 25, 2013 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance: info@asi-adoption.com

Presenters: Adoption Services International

Adoption Services International unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique combination of western quality service (including a maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, affordable local cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

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Why Has Ukrainian Adoption Not Increased After Russia Banned US Adoptions?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:04:31 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

So why has Ukraine not seen an increase in international adoptions?

Ukraine has announce that the country has not seen the anticipated increase in foreign adoptions it hoped to have after Russian has closed its adoption program to Americans. The small number of adoptions so far this year is fairly shocking. Only 167 children were adopted internationally and about 2000 adopted by Ukrainian families. Given Ukraine has over 80,000 orphans, this is sad news.

So why is this the case? I think Russia's banning US parents from adopting and it general hostile stance against the US has wrongly spilled over into neighboring countries like Ukraine. Ukraine still needs greater attention, visibility and awareness as a separate and unique country and culture. Having been long dominated by Russia, it is important that Americans and all nations realize the strong and proud differences between Russia and Ukraine. First and foremost, Ukraine's refusal to politicize their children.

As proud adoptive parents of Ukrainian children, part of our responsibility should be to spread the word about Ukraine and its adoption program. Ukraine is not Russia!

http://rapsinews.com/news/20130408/266953557.html

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Ukraine Tracks the Fate of Ukrainian Children Adopted Abroad

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:56:40 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Right now the head of the Ukrainian adoption system is in the US. From this article written by the Ukrainian press he is concerned with the low rate of compliance in filing legally necessary updates to the Ukrainian Consulates in the US (around 30%), the low rate of updating residence location when an adoptive family moves, and readoptions in the US without the approval of the necessary Ukrainian authoritities.

All adoptive parents need to be better at getting our reports in on time. This is an essential componant of ensuring the Ukrainian government that our children are thriving. I know none of us ever plans to miss a year, things just are crazy busy, but this is our legal obligation and we must live up to it.

Another important thing this article highlights is the great success of Ukrainian adoption outreach and education in lowering the number of children without parents. Compared with Russia, Ukraine has found a way to successfully build families, not just get orphaned children out of orphanages. In Ukraine the number of Ukrainian parents that returned adopted children to orphanages was nearly zero, while in Russia it was over 8000 - nearly as many as were adopted. The same is true for international adoptions in Ukraine. Non-Ukrainians able to adopt children 5 older who have been in the national registry system for over a year and younger children who have been classified as with a special health need by the Ukraine. As with Ukrainian adoptions, these international adoptions from Ukraine are extremelly successful in building strong permenant families. Kudos Ukraine!

The thing that is most difficult in this article is the vast number of parentless children in Ukraine. There are still 94,000 too many children without families.

by www.WNU-Ukraine.com

Kyiv, April 2, 2013. On April 1-4, 2013, Yuriy Pavlenko, Children's Ombudsman under the President of Ukraine, is visiting the U.S. to monitor that the rights of the Ukrainian children adopted abroad are observed. The North American country is one of the top countries that adopt Ukrainian children, others being Italy, Spain, France, and Israel.

Nearly every other child adopted from Ukraine by foreign parents lives in the USA, said Pavlenko during his visit to the States. The state official will examine the work of Ukrainian consulates in the U.S. regarding their supervision of the rights of adopted children. Pavlenko plans to meet American state officials who deal with children's rights and adoption and, most importantly, will visit the families that adopted children from Ukraine.

According to Pavlenko, there are several issues he is planning to address during his visit - untimely reporting by adoptive parents to Ukrainian diplomatic institutions in the country, delays in updating adopted children records at consulates, including changes of residence of the families. He will also pay attention to the cases of unreported readoption of children within the U.S. (without a permission of the responsible institution in Ukraine).

Foreigners adopted 700 children from Ukraine throughout 2012, stated Yuriy Pavlenko in December 2012. Ukrainian citizens adopted about 2,000 kids. Some 80 percent of Ukrainian children without parents (nearly 96,000) are currently raised by Ukrainian families.

Ukraine protects the right of a child to be adopted, emphasized Pavlenko. Yet, national adoption was declared a priority for the country. Changes in cultural environment (i.e. changing the country of residence) can be stressful for a child, reckons Liudmyla Volynets, head of the foreign adoption at Ukraine's Child Ombudsman office. Thus, Ukrainian children up for adoption abroad normally have health issues.

In March 2013, Yuriy Pavlenko reported steady decrease in the amount of children without parents in Ukraine. In 2008, the amount of children without parents reached 103,500, while by March 1, 2013, there were only 94,000 of such children in Ukraine. A notable contribution to such progress was the intensification of the work of family-like foster care homes. Pavlenko noted that the reform of the children without parents managing system had been one of the most successful reforms in the eastern European country over the last decade.

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Celebrate Your Adopted Child's Ukrainian Heritage at This Easter Sale in NY

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 07:48:54 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Sale March 23, 24 features Ukrainian Easter breads, decorated eggs, more

A great way to celebrate your adoptive child's heritage is to integrate elements of Ukrainian traditions into our. Easter food and fun is a wonderful opportunity to do this.

By Linda Quinlan, staff writer

Messenger Post

Irondequoit, N.Y. -

Three event highlights

1

Purchase beautiful Ukrainian baked goods, like babka breads and Rohalyky, at this weekend's annual pre-Easter sale at St. Josaphat's Church in Irondequoit.

There will be a large assortment of Pysanky - those beautifully, intricately decorated Easter eggs - to see and buy. There will also be a large variety of Ukrianian arts and crafts, including embroidered blouses and shirts, Easter basket covers, and other handmade items, including crocheted baby gifts and custom jewelry.

Don't forget the food. There will be a limited amount of frozen varenyky (pierogies), both potato and cheese and kapusta varieties; holubsti (cabbage rolls), both rice and meat and kasha and meat, borshch (a vegetarian beet soup), and kapusta for sale.

Why you should attend

Proceeds will benefit the St. Josaphat Kitchen Fund. There will also be free coffee available.

The Rev. Philip Weiner, pastor at St. Josaphat's, said that this year's kitchen crew has been "working overtime, baking, to make sure that everyone can get their Easter bread for the holidays."

Fr. Phil added that he is confident that everyone will be able to get what they want this year - especially if they come early.

About the event

WHAT Easter Bake, Food, and Ukrainian Arts & Crafts Sale

WHEN 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. this Saturday, March 23, and 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Sunday, March 24

WHERE School cafeteria at St. Josaphat's Church, 940 E. Ridge Road, corner Stanton Lane, Irondequoit

CONTACT Call (585)820-5569

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Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information on Ukrainian Adoption

Date and location: May 2013, Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)

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Adoption Explained on Video By Two 6 Year Old Adopted Girls

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 14:47:31 EDT

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Check out this adorable video of two 6 year olds speaking about adoption. The amazing thing is that it is hard for an adult to do better!!

http://rowanfamilytree.com/2013/03/06/all-about-adoption-my-girls-point-of-view/

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

For more information, contact:

Wear-M-Well Consignment Sale for Your Fast-Growing Adopted Child in NJ

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:52:02 EDT

Keeping Up With Your Growing Ukrainian Adopted Child

Children adopted from Ukraine, as from any country the children live in institutions, will be developmentally delayed and very small for their age. With good nutrition, care, and most of all love, children will blossom and grow faster than weeds. Keep them in clothes at an affordable budget with consignment sales.

Welcome to Wear-m-Well LLC

Wear-m-Well LLC is a seasonal Kids Consignment Sale held twice a year in the Spring and Fall. It is the perfect way to buy and sell gently used and new items at a discount. We offer kid's clothes sizes newborn-teen, toys, DVDs, books, games, baby gear, outdoor items, maternity clothes, and much more. Be a consignor or just come to shop. There are many reasons for you to join us at Wear-m-Well LLC.

Shoppers

Great deals on high quality items
Find bargains for the fraction of the retail cost
Well organized sale with items neatly displayed and sorted
Pleasant and friendly shopping atmosphere
Purchase a WmW Shoppers Pass

Shopper's Information for

Wear-m-Well's

Spring/Summer Sale

Califon Fire Company

41 Main Street

Califon, NJ 07830

March 20 - Presale

3:00pm-6:30 pm - Volunteers working 3 shifts
3:30pm-6:30 pm - Volunteers working 2 shifts
4:00pm-6:30pm - Volunteers working 1 shift
4:30pm-6:30pm - Consignors & WmW Shopping Pass Holder

March 21 - Public Sale

9:00am-6:30pm - Open to the Public

March 22 - Public sale

9:00am- 6:30pm - Open to the Public

Half-Price Sale for Volunteers and Consignors

3:00pm -6:30pm - Volunteers working 3 shifts
3:30pm -6:30pm - Volunteers working 2 shifts
4:00pm -6:30pm - Volunteers working 1 shift
4:30pm -6:30pm - Consignors

March 23 - Half Price Sale

8:00am - 3:00pm - Half price sale open to the public (Doors will close at 3:00pm and reopen at 3:30pm)
3:30pm - 4:30 WmW Mania

We accept Visa and MasterCard

No checks please

For more information, contact:

Wear-M-Well Consignment Sale for Your Fast-Growing Adopted Child in NJ

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:04:07 EDT

Keeping Up With Your Growing Ukrainian Adopted Child

When children are adopted from Ukraine, they are vary small for their age. With good nutrition, care and most of all love, the children grow like fast growing weeds! Keep them in clothes that fit affordablly with consignment sales.

Welcome to Wear-m-Well LLC

Califon Fire Company

41 Main Street

Califon, NJ 07830

March 20 - Presale

3:00pm-6:30 pm - Volunteers working 3 shifts
3:30pm-6:30 pm - Volunteers working 2 shifts
4:00pm-6:30pm - Volunteers working 1 shift
4:30pm-6:30pm - Consignors & WmW Shopping Pass Holders

March 21 - Public Sale

9:00am-6:30pm - Open to the Public

March 22 - Public sale

9:00am- 6:30pm - Open to the Public

Half-Price Sale for Volunteers and Consignors

3:00pm -6:30pm - Volunteers working 3 shifts
3:30pm -6:30pm - Volunteers working 2 shifts
4:00pm -6:30pm - Volunteers working 1 shift
4:30pm -6:30pm - Consignors

March 23 - Half Price Sale

8:00am-3:00pm - Half price sale open to the public (Doors will close at 3:00pm and reopen at 3:30pm)
3:30pm - 4:30 WmW Mania

Sale Highlights

Wednesday - WmW Shoppers Pass

Thursday - Check out our Vendors

Friday - WmW Flyer

Saturday - Half-Price Sale

*No entry fee Thursday thru Saturday*

Shoppers

Great deals on high quality items
Find bargains for the fraction of the retail cost
Well organized sale with items neatly displayed and sorted
Pleasant and friendly shopping atmosphere
Purchase a WmW Shoppers Pass

We offer great incentives and specials for consignors and shoppers. Take advantage of our Presale Shopping, WmW Mania, Fundraisers, Bartering Options, and much more! Volunteers can help with the sale in many ways and, to show our appreciation, will earn a higher percentage for items that sell. If you are a non-consignor but want to shop the presale hours, purchase a WmW Shopping Pass online or at the door to shop the sale before the public!

So, grab a friend (or two) and visit us at our amazing sale! We know you won't be disappointed! There is something for everyone! Welcome!

For more information, contact:

Russian/Eastern European “Pancake Festival” Returns to Huntsville!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 17:02:52 EDT

Excellent Event For Ukrainian Adopted Families

"Maslenitsa" 2013

Russian/Eastern European "Pancake Festival" Returns to Huntsville!

HUNTSVILLE, ALA: It's not often that those in North Alabama/Southern Middle Tennessee region have a taste of Eastern European culture, but at least one day a year, they can visit the UAHuntsville campus to immerse themselves in an Eastern Orthodox Lenten celebration, sample traditional foods, enjoy authentic regional folksongs and folkdances, and experience firsthand the culture of the Russians, Ukrainians, Moldovans, Kazaks, and more. It's a great way to savor the richness and diversity of our Eastern European heritage.

In 2012, the International Society of Huntsville (ISH), the UAHuntsville Library, and community representatives from Russia, Moldova, and Ukraine launched their first-ever salute to the Eastern Orthodox celebration known as MASLENITSA by sponsoring a brunch?in 2013, it returns, but in a greatly expanded form:

MASLENITSA?A Russian/Eastern European "Pancake Festival" will run from 9:00 a.m. till 5:00 p.m. on Saturday, 16 March in the Charger Brew CafÃ©/First Floor area of the M. Louis Salmon Library. The library's parking lot is located at 4600 Holmes Avenue, NW (between Jordan Lane and Sparkman Drive, west of Ben Graves Drive) on the UAHuntsville campus. Admission to the event is $5 for the general public; admission is free to UAHuntsville students (with Charger ID) and for children under twelve. Please note the MASLENITSA meal itself will be $5.00 per plate for all attendees.

By definition, MASLENITSA is a family event?and the ISH festival will be no exception. Moreover, it's open to the public. Though associated with Lent, it is not a solemn occasion; rather, it is a merry celebration, purportedly Russia's oldest surviving holiday, embraced by the Orthodox Church sometime in the 16^th Century, years after its inception. Says Russian Survey: "According to the pagan beliefs, this is the time when Jarilo, the Sun god, melts the snow awaking Mother Nature with the powers of spring."

Also known as Cheesefare Week, Butter Week, or Pancake Week, MASLENITSA takes place during the seven days prior to Great Lent; its name is rooted in the Russian word for butter or oil, "Maslo." Though it will remind one of Carnival, Fasching, or Mardi Gras, MASLENITSA is associated with Eastern Orthodox, rather than Roman, Catholicism. Orthodox Lent begins on a Monday, instead of Wednesday, and this year, MASLENITSA runs from 11 - 17 March, leading to the timing of the Saturday festival.

The key symbol of MASLENITSA, one might even say the mascot, is the buckwheat-based "blini" (think "blintz"). Blini, with their round, golden warmth, hearken back to the sun and are thus harbingers of spring. Closer to crÃªpes than to everyday flapjacks as most Americans know them, blini may be eaten straight, with extra ingredients incorporated in the batter, while plain versions are topped, or filled and rolled, with various "condiments."

Blini garnishes will be provided at the Toppings Table and will range from honey, sour cream, sugar, and condensed milk to maple syrup, jam, jelly, and homemade cottage cheese. Food service will begin at 9:30 a.m.

In addition to blini, this year's bill of fare boasts Olivier Salad (a popular Eastern European specialty), pelmeni (a.k.a. "Russian Ravioli"), and East European desserts such as medovnik, or honey cake. Beverages include hot/cold black or green tea, coffee, water, and kvass, a fermented, low-alcohol product that is treated as a soft drink.

Sugar or jam will be available at the Toppings Table for the hot drinks.

But MASLENITSA boasts more than its expanded menu. This year's festival will ratchet up the fun with a vendors' area, an exciting roster of "new-to-Huntsville" performers, and several free children's activities:

Satiate your Slavic desires with the delicious fare from European Market Anastasia (e.g. Korkunov and Alyonka chocolates, fresh-baked breads, pysanky supplies), then pore over the local and imported wares of area craftspeople and merchantsâ�¦and a traveling Bake Sale of sorts.

Individually priced baked goods will include the following and more: pierniki (Polish, Lebkuchen-like Spice Cookies); rozky (Slovakian Crescent Cookies); vatrushki (Russian "Danishes"); ciasteczka cynamonowe (Polish "Cinnamon Stars"); and kolacky/kolachie, a flaky "loaf" filled with anything from prunes to poppy seeds. All participants will accept cash or checks.

Performers Val Bratu (Romanian Keyboardist; Russian folksongs) and his Lido Band; Alla "Alika" Melnik and Naum Koyfman (Ukrainian Bayan players; Russian, Ukrainian, and other folksongs); and "Chervona Kalyna" (Natalliya Russo's Ukrainian Dance Group; traditional folkdances) will take us on a tuneful tour through the Old Country. For those unfamiliar with the instruments, bayans are the East European take on the button accordion; for those unfamiliar with the words, you need not speak a language to dance to it!

Kids and adults can enjoy balloon art, puppet shows, Russian Karaoke, Kokoshnik ("Russian Crowns") workshops, hair braiding, face painting, Russian language quizzes and games, and various hands-on art classes. Russian cartoons will run continuously in the N1 Section of the library, in the older wing just past the cafÃ©.

Participants will be able to boost their worldly knowledge by visiting Room 111, where they can view video/PowerPoint educational displays on the nations constituting the former USSR. They include: Baltic States (Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania); Eastern Europe (Belarus, Moldova, Ukraine); Southern Caucasus (Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia); Russia; and Central Asia (Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan).

PLEASE NOTE, attendees are requested to RSVP IN ADVANCE at rsvp@internationalsocietyofhuntsville.org in order to ensure everyone can be served! The deadline is 14 March.

Once there, attendees may pay at the door with cash or check.

Further info is available by contacting Olga Osdacii at (256) 585-8354 / olgaosadcii@gmail.com or Maria Kimpe at (979) 324-4834.

NASDROVIA!

INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF HUNTSVILLE

In 2007, the International Society of Huntsville was formed with the following mission: "To promote the International Community of North Alabama through cultural, educational, and social programming." You can follow ISH on Facebook or visit http://internationalsocietyofhuntsville.org.

It is the goal of the Society to establish a permanent International Festival for the City of Huntsville along the scale of those in Birmingham and Mobile. North Alabama is the cradle of Alabama's confluence of foreign-born citizens that contribute to the region's diversity and its wealth of world views and experiences that in turn give rise to varied ideas, perspectives, knowledge, and skills-social ingredients that make North Alabama prosperous while enhancing the area's Quality of Life.

Contact: Olga Osadcii; Maslenitsa Chair/ISH Moldova Representative: (256) 585-8354; olgaosadcii@gmail.com

Maria Kimpe; ISH Russia Representative: (979) 324-4834

Vendor News

This year's festival will ratchet up the fun with a vendors' area, an exciting roster of "new-to-Huntsville" performers, and several free children's activities.

========

Cultural Program

9.30 Opening Ceremonies

10.00 - 10.40 Val Bratu/Lido Band (East-European Folk Music); Huntsville

10.40 - 11.00 Quiz & Games

11.00 - 11.30 "Best Russian Outfit" Contest

11.30 - 11.45 "Karaoke-style" Russian Songs

11.45 - 12.00 Awards: Children's Drawing Contest

12.00 - 12.30 Alla "Alika" Melnik (Bayan Playing/Ukrainian & Russian Songs); Atlanta

12.30 - 1.00 "Chervona Kalyna" (Natalliya Russo's Slavic Dance Group); Vestavia

1.30 - 2.00 Naum Koyfman (Bayan Playing/Ukrainian & Russian Songs); Atlanta

2.00 - 2.30 Quiz & Games

2.30 - 3.15 Val Bratu/Lido Band (East-European Folk Music); Huntsville

3.15 - 3.30 "Karaoke-style" Russian Songs

3.30 - 4.00 Russian Dance Music

4.00 - 4.20 Awards: Best Drawing

4.30 - 5.00 Closing Ceremonies

Menu

Food Will Be Served From

9.30 a.m. - 4.30 p.m.

Â· Russian-style Pancakes (CrÃªpes, or Blini)
Â· Traditional Blini Toppings (e.g. Honey, Jelly, Sour Cream, Homemade Cottage Cheese, Condensed Milk)
Â· Russian "Olivier Salad" & Pelmini ("Russian Ravioli")
Â· Medovnik ("Honey Cake") and Other Russian Desserts
Â· Hot Tea/Coffee/Water/Kvass (Honey, etc., Available for Tea)

Cost: $ 5 (Cash or Check)

ALL DAY: Presentations on Russia and 15 Former Soviet Republics (Ukraine, Moldova, Georgia, Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, etc.)?Room 111

Children's & Adults' Activities

9.00 - 10.30 Kokoshnik ("Russian Crowns" Workshop) with Tanya Roadruck, Elena Kidd, & Yanka Georgieva

10.30 - 11.30 Art Class (Crayons) with Tatyana Hankinson & Inna Ryzhkova

11.45 - 12.00 Awards Ceremony: Best Drawings-Main Stage

12.00 - 1.00 Art Class (Russian "Good Luck" Doll Workshop) with Olga Friedman & Natalia Guest

1:00 - 2.00 Balloon Art with Olga Clonts

2.00 - 3.00 Kokoshnik ("Russian Crowns" Workshop) with Tanya Roadruck, Elena Kidd, & Yanka Georgieva

3.00 - 4.00 Art Class (Clay) with Tatyana Hankinson

4.00 - 4.20 Awards Ceremony: Best Drawings-Main Stage

Russian Cartoons Will Play in the N1 Area (Just Past the CafÃ©) During the Following Art Classes!

11.00 - 12.00 and 2.00 - 3.00 Russian Hair Braiding with Elena Garrison

9.30 - 10.30 and 2.00 - 3.00 Face Painting with Inna Ryzhkova

10.00 - 11.00 and 1.00 - 2.00 Russian Language Quizzes & Games with Elena Lee

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Adoption Of Ukrainian Children By Foreigners: Boon Or Bane?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:21:40 EST

Ukrainian Adoption Boom?

This article below from ForUm discusses potential actions, consequences and issues regarding safeguarding Ukraine's children adopted internationally. The opinions come from various officials and representatives of independent groups after the shooting death of Andrew Butler in the US by his father. Andrew was a 13 year old adopted from Ukraine, Donetsk region. In the wake of learning of this shooting, the Ukrainian government is taking a look at how it can better insure the safety and health of their adopted children.

Before everyone panics and thinks Ukraine will go the way of Russia and ban all adoptions by Americans, or even all foreigners, read the article. The general theme is that adoptive parents need support, not control. There is an obvious opposition to politicalizing foreign adoptions in Ukraine. The greatest concern is how to improve monitoring of Ukrainian adopted children within their resources. They don't advocate a ban and actually support foreign adoption as it gives more orphans a chance for a normal life.

Will they consider more restrictive measures? In this article is sees them as a last resort. Will they implement a stricter selection process? I think the concern is more about acting within current laws. At the time Andrew's father adopted, his age exceeded the Ukrainian government's legal requirements. So technically, he should not have been allowed to adopt. In the past years we have already seen a push to better implement the adoption laws they have and carefully approve parents. Unfortunately, this has led to longer in-country adoption times.

Please share!!

Adoption Of Ukrainian Children By Foreigners: Boon Or Bane?

Ukrainian diplomats intend to control the living conditions of other adoptees in the family, where an adopted Ukrainian boy was killed. "The Foreign Ministry welcomes the reaction of the American side, announced by US embassy in the statement of February 25, 2013 about the death of Andrew Butler," Ukrainian FM states.

In turn, the US Department of State has been in communication with Ukrainian officials to facilitate communication with appropriate state and local authorities. According to US officials, the department will continue to work to ensure that Ukrainian officials have access to the information they require.

The Ukrainian Foreign Ministry also states it is taking steps to improve the existing monitoring mechanism over adopted Ukrainian children living abroad. "To provide better observance of children's rights, we expect all the states, where adopted Ukrainian children currently live, to set proper control over their living conditions and education, as well as to improve cooperation on this issue with the Ukrainian side," FM's statement reads.

According to the information, Andrew Butler, 13, was shot by his adoptive father, 73, during "shooting lessons" in the yard in June 2011 in West Virginia. The farther was sentenced for manslaughter and is serving his term. The Butlers adopted Andrew in 2003 under a judgment of Kramatorsk court of Donetsk region together with two other children.

To answer the question whether Ukraine is going to use Russia's way to limit the adoption of Ukrainian children by foreigners, ForUm has asked experts:

Oksana Moskalenko, coordinator of programs on children's rights of the All-Ukrainian organization "Women's consortium of Ukraine:

- I believe the problem must be considered in an integrated manner. The adoptive father, for example, is 73 years old. According to our legislation, he did not even have a right for adoption. Probably, we should set tougher selection process for potential parents. As for the control over living conditions, we must be careful here. Adoption process is already a trauma for a child, and everyday questions like "How are you doing here" and "Do they treat you well" will not help him to adapt. The government should render support to the adoptive families and children, not to set control. There is another question: If a child has been living in America for 10 years, for example, should he be sent back to the country he already forgot? I believe that if the child has already adapted to live in this or that country he must stay in that country. For this, we must take into account the possibilities of a country, citizens of which adopt our children.

Olga Skorina, head of the legal department of the All-Ukrainian council on patients' rights:

- Ukraine does everything for the realization of the social adoption initiative, and it would be logical not to limit our orphans to Ukrainian families only. There are different children with different needs, and foreign families may be the best thing for some of them.

Unfortunately, the authorities often impose restrictions when there is no political will to solve a problem. The law on legal relationships is called to regulate these relationships, not to impose bans. Restrictive measure is the measure of last resort. Imposing limits we deprive our children of the possibility to find a loving family. In this case, what we need is some political will and efforts to regulate the issue. We still do not have an accurate system of control over Ukrainian children living in adoptive families abroad, or a system calculating risks of children's stay abroad or a control system over psychological condition of a child in a family. What we need is the system and a person in Ukrainian consulates, who will have the right to control the situation, collect data and make reports. May be should form a special institute, responsible for this sector.

We've learned about Andrew's death from the press, and we know only about the fact of manslaughter. We do not know anything about how he lived and felt in that family. Thus, the improved system of monitoring is exactly what we need to change the situation.

Vitaly Bala, director of the Agency for simulated events:

- In my opinion the question is very delicate. We should not turn the adoption process into a political bargaining chip. In Russia, for example, this problem has political connotations. As for Ukraine, I don't think that this issue is a problem. Of course, there's no limit to perfection and we do need to improve the monitoring system over Ukrainian children adopted by foreigners, but there is no need to follow the Russian way.

Yevhen Perebyinis, FM spokesman:

- As of today, we follow the law that we have. Our legislation allows foreigners to adopt Ukrainian children. It is obvious that the monitoring system needs to be improved, and the Foreign Ministry is working on this now. Ukrainian diplomats have sent letters to Ukrainian embassies in all the states, where there are Ukrainian children living in adoptive families. Whenever possible, consulate officials will visit these children to check the conditions they live in. If the conditions appear inappropriate, consulates will take necessary measures.

According to the Ukraine's embassy in US, the foster father who killed Andrew Butler was convicted and is serving his sentence. I want to stress that the Ukrainian Foreign Ministry welcomes the reaction of the American side in this issue. Currently the FM seeks to obtain access to two other adopted children by the same family in order to check their living conditions.

Eduard Bagirov, human right activist:

- Ukraine is responsible for its citizens not only on the state territory, but also in countries of stay. This is a requirement of the Constitution. Once a year or half a year, the Foreign Ministry of Ukraine charges Ukrainian consulates in foreign states with controlling Ukrainian children adopted by foreign families. But such control is formal. Ukrainian embassies and consulates simply do not have sufficient funding for this.

Ukraine needs a law to protect the rights of its children. Moreover, Ukraine needs to adopt tougher measures of control over foreign families taking Ukrainian children. The fact is that giving a child for adoption in a foreign family Ukraine loses control over the situation and the child loses legal support. Foreign families see that the Ukrainian bodies do not perform their functions and may violate child's rights.

At the same time, if we follow Russia's way (forbidding foreign families to adopt Ukrainian children) we will deprive our children, especially sick ones, of the chance for normal life. What we need is to adopt a system of monitoring living conditions and to provide security for our children.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption? Why Can’t You Adopt American Children?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:58:15 EST

Ukrainian and International Adoption as an Alternative to Domestic Adoption

If you have ever considered adoption, in your research you quickly learned that there are many different issues that impact your decision as to where and how to adopt your child. Regulations, restrictions, cost, social factors, preparednessâ�¦the list is long.

Here is one parent's perspective. If you adopted internationally or domestically, what were the critical factors that led to your decision where to adopt??

I'll Tell You Why: Reflections on Domestic and International Adoption by Anne Louise Pass

Who Could Keep From Loving Them?

"I just don't understand why they can't adopt American kids," she said.

I immediately whipped my head around to see if she was walking hand in hand with her own domestically adopted child. After all: you shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house. I saw no child, and I could feel the smirk creeping into the corners of my mouth, desperate to betray my thoughts. Ignorance. Tactlessness. My mind was jamming, collecting layers of angry thoughts, neurons firing at light speed. I could not think to speak, which- to anyone who knows me- is a natural phenomenon.

I said to myself, "I must remain level-headed," a state that, when I have been properly offended, I utterly despise. This woman could be more insensitive than the waitress who suggested the "ethnically appropriate Asian salad" for my Chinese sister, Ella Grace. I was almost impressed by the caliber of her rudeness, but mostly, I was angry. I felt the hot bubbles of indignation simmering, dangerously close to boiling over. What would possess her to say something so obviously offensive and rude?

Then the answer came: she was simply ignorant.

Ignorance is not a sin, and there are so many others like this woman who have not been blessed with the experiences that I have had. They cannot understand why a potential parent would want to take on the challenge of raising a child of a different race or culture, purely because they have not experienced that desire themselves. They wonder why parents adopt internationally when there are so many children here in the United States thirsting for love and opportunity. Domestic adoption is much cheaper than international adoption, and there is a great need for parents willing to adopt these children. I empathize with these people's claims because my brother was one of these domestic orphans. However, one cannot ignore the need for international adoption. To do so disregards the basic principles of adoption and presents a serious issue of prejudice.

Prejudice has plagued our society since the birth of culture. It manipulates us, always remaining hidden in the brush like a fox. No one wants to acknowledge its danger, and so it ravages our relationships, our government, and our society. Even adoption, a process birthed out of love for another human being, is not safe from its footprint. Everyone loves a baby, no matter what his race, but as my youth minister's wife once said, "What happens when my black baby grows up into a black man and asks your white daughter to prom? I imagine your opinion might change." International adoption critics love to argue that displacing children from their native ethnic and racial background robs them of their heritage and leaves them confused and lost in a new culture. These claims are wrong. The United States federal government has debated this issue, and it has been studied extensively by psychologists. Transracial and transcultural adoptees face no more psychological risks than adoptees of the same race and ethnicity as their parents. In fact, families will often make an effort to integrate their adopted child's native culture into their lives. Many families learn their child's native language or go to great lengths to take their child back to his or her native country. Since her adoption, my sister has traded her Chinese culture for American, but she has not suffered any deprivation. On the contrary, she is blessed. What matters most to her is not her birthplace, but that she has been cared for by a loving family and given the opportunities to have a better life than she could have had before.

However, children in America need these opportunities as well. The most common argument against international adoption is that we, as Americans, have an obligation to take care of American children's needs before the needs of foreign children. When I am confronted with this claim, after pointing out that one's location does not define their personhood, change their basic human needs, or limit their right to be loved, I have two replies.

First, there are around 100,000 orphans in the United States compared to 167 million orphans worldwide. According to The Washington Post, there were over 600,000 women in America waiting to adopt in August of 2008. In other words, if every woman in America adopted one child domestically, there would still be over 500,000 women willing to adopt. However, even if these 500,000 women adopted internationally, there would still be a over 11 million international orphans needing care. Now, think for moment. In 2007, 78.4% of the United States' population of 302 million considered themselves Christian. James 1:27 commands the Church to care for the widow and the orphan. If less than half of these 236,768,000 American Church members took this command to heart and cared for the child that God had placed in their hearts, there wouldn't be an orphan problem, in the United States or anywhere else.

Second, in America, orphans are given food, clothing, education, and job training until they are eighteen. Children who are taken into foster care because of abuse and neglect are placed in foster homes with temporary families. They learn how to take care of themselves. This does not necessarily mean they are given the same economic or educational opportunities as children with permanent families, or the same opportunities to be loved, although many of them are. However, in Columbia, orphaned children are turned on the streets as early as ten years old. In other countries, children are typically turned away between the ages of sixteen and eighteen and have little to no education or job training. In fact, out of the 167 million orphans, 120 million will never receive any education whatsoever. About 60% of these orphaned girls will become prostitutes, and 70% of these boys will become criminals by the age of 18. 10-15% of these children will commit suicide before the age of eighteen. Every year, 1.8 million are forced into human trafficking, prostitution, or the pornography industry, and 11 million will die of a preventable or treatable disease. These children have no chance at improvement. While orphans here are struggling, orphans oversees are dying. And while there is a definite need for loving parents willing to take in American children, the need for international adoption has an even greater magnitude. In order to heal this festering wound in our world, millions must respond to all the issues, domestic and international. To say that parents who adopt internationally are wrong, ignorant, or insensitive towards the needs of our country is explicitly wrong, in every sense of the word.

However, international adoption is not an easy process. It is expensive, and it can take years- after identifying a child- to complete. It is mountains of paperwork and around forty thousand dollars. Domestic adoption is much cheaper, but it is not without drawbacks. During the adoption process, birth parents can change their minds and unknown biological fathers can emerge and demand the rights to their child. Ultimately, it is the state's first priority to reunite foster children with their biological families, which creates unimaginable stress on the adoptive family until the adoption papers are signed and notarized. Because of these challenges, out of the 600,000 women ready to adopt, only a fraction of them will receive a child. As part of a family going through this process right now, I understand, and I fully support these families trying so hard to bring home the child they love. I have experienced both domestic and international adoption, and both processes come with their own challenges, just as every birth child presents his or her own unique set of problems. What these critics fail to realize is that numbers and logic only go so far in adoption. The motivation to adopt is not a deep charitable urge, a feeling of moral obligation, or even a sympathetic desire to alleviate the suffering of a "poor" orphan. It is love and the desire to love a child, and when that love is felt, any parent will travel to the moon and back for their child, adoptive or biological. Love defies all logic.

In the end the decision to adopt is a matter of heart. A child is a child, and birthplace cannot erase that fact. Both domestic and international adoption come with risks and difficulties, but when a child is waiting for their "forever family," as my mother says, these challenges are trivial. Robert Dale Morrison once said, "The quickest cure for racism would be to have everyone in the country adopt a child of another race. No matter what your beliefs, when you hold a four-day-old infant, love him, and care for him, you don't see skin color, you see a little person that is very much in need of your love." People who have not experienced this love do not understand it, and on paper, loving a strange child with an alien background seems absurd. But like the farmer that extracts the fox from the brush and eliminates its danger to his crops, families have chosen to ignore race and ethnicity in their children, and challenges will not stop them from holding them in their arms. They have discovered that race, money, convenience, and nationality have no weight in the mysterious process of love.

___________________________________________________________

About the Author

Anne Louise Pass has grown up with a passion for orphans, which she credits to her family. Her father is an international missionary for Visiting Orphans, and she has two adopted siblings, one brought home from China and one adopted domestically. She has traveled to orphanages in China and Haiti and plans to go to Rwanda with her father in December to visit two orphanages and her twenty year old "sister," AmÃ¨lie, the girl her family has fallen in love with and considers family.

These experiences have given Anne Louise a unique perspective and fostered a mission to "speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves," as she says. As an eleventh grader at The Montgomery Academy in Montgomery, Alabama she plans on continuing her education in order to bring glory to God and share his hope with those who have none, wherever that may take her.

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Ukraine Hopes To See Rise in Foreign Adoptions

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:52:17 EST

Ukraine Welcomes International Adoptive Parents

Thank goodness Ukraine is not Russia!!

Reported Feb. 28, 2013, 11:24 p.m. in the Kyiv Post - by Olga Rudenko

In this 2008 photo a boy from Donetsk orphanage is reaching out to visitors. Experts hope Ukrainian orphans will have more chances to be taken in by Americans following the adoption ban in Russia.

If there is one silver lining from Russia's recent ban on U.S. adoptions, it might be for Ukraine's abandoned and orphaned children. Some are hoping that U.S.-based adoption agencies, which specialize in Russian adoptions, might look to Ukraine now - unless politics interfere

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After Ukrainian Adopted Child Dies in US, Ukraine Examines Foreign Adoptions: Lessons for Adoptive P

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:44:10 EST

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

After learning of a shooting death of a 13 year old adopted Ukrainian boy, the Ministry in charge of adoptions is considering how best to monitor living conditions and health of Ukrainian children adopted by foreigners. (See article below)

As officials acknowledge in other articles, they are somewhat limited by resources. This is why it is SO important that all parents of adopted Ukrainian children fulfill their legal obligation and file the required reports on time with the correct Ukrainian Consulate. This article states that the compliance rate in the US is only at 30%. This is really bad news and we all have to do what we can to improve it. In 2006 Ukraine halted adoptions for a short time and one of the reasons they gave was the lack of compliance from US parents in filing the post-adoption reports.

If anyone needs information on what is required contact us at info@asi-adoption.com and we will send you the required forms and complete instructions. For the good of future parents and all the children in Ukraine needing good homes, we all need to do our part to raise this compliance percentage. If not, we may well see additional Ukrainian legislation governing post-adoption monitoring which would add costs, and potentially impact Ukrainian Adoptions.

Ukraine Moves to Probe Foreign Adoptions

KIEV, February 23 (RIA Novosti) - Ukraine's Ministry of Social Policy has initiated a probe into living conditions and health of Ukrainian children adopted by foreigners in a wake of a recent spat between Russia and the United States over alleged abuse of Russian adoptees by US foster parents.

"We sent a letter to the [Ukrainian] Foreign Ministry with a request to conduct an investigation into living conditions and health of children adopted by foreign citizens," Social Policy Minister Natalia Korolevskaya said on Friday.

"We must have reliable information about every child who has been registered in Ukrainian consulates and diplomatic missions around the world," the minister said.

According to Korolevskaya, foreigners adopted 806 Ukrainian children in 2012.

In line with the current legislation, foster parents must file a report on adoptee's conditions once a year during the first three years of adoption (and later - once every three years until adopted children turn 18).

"Unfortunately, some countries register low reporting rates," Korolevskaya said. "For instance, only 30 percent of foster families in the United States provide these reports."

The Ukrainian move comes as Moscow and Washington continue a fierce battle over Russian children adopted by US foster parents.

Moscow banned US citizens from adopting Russian children last month, in what some call a retaliatory measure against a US law imposing sanctions on Russian officials allegedly involved in human rights abuses, though a bilateral adoption agreement between the two countries remains in place until next year.

Russia has said the ban is necessary to protect its children, citing numerous cases of abuse and neglect by US parents that have resulted in the deaths of at least 19 Russian adoptees since the early 1990s.

The tensions erupted again this week, with news that a 3-year-old boy adopted from Russia last year had died in Texas last month and led to unconfirmed reports that outraged many in Russia.

Russia vowed on Thursday to bring to trial American citizens it alleges have evaded punishment for "serious crimes" against Russian adoptees.

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Adopted Ukrainian Boy Shot to Death in US: What Does This Mean For US-Ukrainian Adoptions?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:48:10 EST

Adopted Ukrainian Boy Killed By His American Adoptive Father - Implications For Ukraine Adoption?

Last Friday, Voice of Russia published an article after discovering that an adopted boy they thought was from Russia, was adopted from Ukraine. The boy was shot by his older adopted father when he was teaching the 13 year old how to use a gun. This event occurred in June 2011. The Voice of Russia, Russia's government media, broke the news under the sensational headline: "Ukrainians outraged as US dad shoots adopted Ukrainian boy".

Before we react with worry and concern over the future of Ukraine's international adoption program, it is important to read the entire article. There are several things that come across markedly in this article:

1. The Russian correspondent is much more worked up about this event than the Ukrainian correspondent. Even with leading questions, there is no anti-American or anti-international adoption language or inference from the Ukrainian correspondent.

2. The father was jailed for the act and is still in jail. One of the things that Russia pointed to and used to convince that closing Russian adoptions to Americans was a good idea, is that many of the cases of abuse or death of children adopted from Russia had been either not prosecuted in the US, or the perpetrators received what the Russian government considered extremely light sentences. The Russians made the argument that crimes against Russian adopted children in the US were not being punished.

The Ukrainian correspondent markedly contrasts the situation with Ukrainian foreign adoptions to that in Russia. He says, "unlike in Russia, there is no adoption scandal in Ukraine." He states that "among the Ukrainians there is a strong perception that adopted kids have more chances for a better life out there in foreign countries". And finally, when the Russian tries to get him to voice how outraged the Ukrainian public and government is about this event, he states "we are all aware that it is not like in the US they are targeting Ukrainian or Russian adopted kids only. You know, one child dies every three hours from gun violence in the US. It is just horrible for the Americans and for the Ukrainians here also."

Correct, the death of a child is horrible for all peoples. Thank goodness, unlike Russia, Ukraine is not using this tragedy as a diplomatic and political lever.

It seems the only ones trying to stir up outrage are the Russians.

Here is the article: Ukrainians outraged as US dad shoots adopted Ukrainian boy

Voice of Russia:

Another child has been killed by his American adopted parents. Russian Embassy in the US received a new signal earlier but it says that the 13-year-old, who was shot in the head by his adoptive father in West Virginia, is not registered with the Russia's consulate. Following an inquiry Russian diplomats determined that the victim was actually adopted from the Ukrainian city of Donetsk. Now the Ukrainian Embassy and the US Department of State have been informed about this incident right away.

For more on this incident we are now joined with the Voice of Russia correspondent in the Ukrainian capital of Kiev, and this is Maxim Eristavi.

Maxim, thank you very much for joining me and welcome to the program. So, please, give us the latest details on this case and whether there was any reaction whatsoever from the Ukrainian Embassy in Washington?

Hi guys! As you said we've become aware of this tragedy from the Russian diplomats doing their investigation into the matter of the American adopted kids from Russia. They've found out about a murdered 13-year-old teen from Ukraine. Andrew Arthur Butler was his name and originally he is from Donetsk. An old American couple from Hedzhsvill West Virginia adopted him and his adoptive father was 73 years at the moment of the incident.

So, what we know now? In June 2011 this adoptive American father shot and killed the boy. It happened when he was trying to teach the kid how to use a gun. And later the father admitted his partial guilt but insisted that this was an unintentional murder. Anyway, he has been in jail since then.

I see. Did we hear anything from the Ukrainian Embassy? Are they looking into this issue? Have they contacted the police? Do we know anything about that?

For now this news is just developing on newswires and there is no official reaction from the Ukrainian officials, we don't have this just yet. And of course you know this tragedy is horrifying, but however, unlike in Russia, there is no adoption scandal in Ukraine. The rate of foreign adoption here is three times smaller than in Russia and only 10 000 adopted Ukrainian kids live in the US.

Surely there is no way that local officials can track the fate of already adopted kids by foreigners and the representatives of presidential administration officially admitted this I guess a couple of days ago. But among the Ukrainians there is a strong perception that adopted kids have more chances for a better life out there in foreign countries because truly speaking the state of local orphanage system is just horrible and kids are in a constant state of malnutrition, I'm not even speaking about dissent closed education or of psychological comfort.

Absolutely! Maxim, you are absolutely right, the story is just developing, it is early morning right now in Washington and we are well into our afternoon here in Europe. But I'm sure there is a reaction with the public, some kind of an outrage because people must have heard about this already in Kiev. Have you heard anything? Are people saying anything about this already?

You know, it is just the same that I told you right now. So, I'm looking into the comments under the news and what people are saying in the social media. Of course there is an outrage. And every death of every child is just horrible, but we are all aware that it is not like in the US they are targeting Ukrainian or Russian adopted kids only. You know, one child dies every three hours from gun violence in the US. It is just horrible for the Americans and for the Ukrainians here also.

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Annual Russian Festival in San Fran! Bring Your Ukrainian Adopted Children!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 09:33:50 EST

Great Russian Festival For Your Ukrainian Adopted Children To Attend

2/22-2/24: RUSSIAN FESTIVAL 2013!!!!!! (lower pac hts)

The Popular Annual Russian Festival in San FranciscoTo be held at the RUSSIAN CENTER 2460 Sutter St @ DivisaderoFebruary 22,23,24!!!!!Three days of Live Entertainment, Food, Dance,Art exhibit and souveniers for sale: Popular Russian Dancers, Musicians, Singers,Gymnastics . Great Russian Foods. AND!!!!!!!!! A Vodka tasting booth for tasting different vodka's -------------------------------------------- Parking available across the street. ---------------------------------------------- Fun for the whole family..meet and make knew friends..

Open all day each day Call Russian Center to get details 415-921-7631415-921-7631 FREE www.RUSSIANCENTERSF.COM

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Cleveland Russian Festival Summer 2013: Perfect For Ukrainian Adoptive Families

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 08:22:22 EST

Ukrainian Adopted Families Activities

Mark Your Calendars: The Cleveland Russian Festival Summer 2013

Wonderful family opportunity to share your adopted child's culture

The Russian American Cultural Society of Cleveland will sponsor renowned professional musical ensembleBarynyaat the 3rd annual Cleveland Russian Festival in the summer of 2013.

The Festival is held on the scenic grounds of St. Sergius Russian Orthodox Cathedral in Parma, Ohio. The 2013 festival will be held the 26th through the 28th of July.

At the 2012 Festival we sponsored theGolden Gates Dance Troupefrom St. Petersburg, Russia.

Read about the 1st festival from 2011 at the Congress of Russian Americans.

Adoption Services International unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique combination of professional, individualized, quality service (including a maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

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Why Ukrainian Adoption? Older Parents are Welcome

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 10:46:18 EST

Ukrainian Adoption Is Open To Older American Couples

Many international programs are placing stricter age limits on parents wishing to adopt. For many programs parents cannot be more than a certain number of years older than the child they wish to adopt. This can eliminate lots of older parents. It is more difficult for older parents to adopt domestically as well.

There is no upper limitation at all as to the age of the adopting parent in Ukraine. It is still important to the Ukrainian authorities that the parents be healthy and expect to live to a normal life expectancy.

Older parents bring a lot of advantages and it is great that Ukraine does not in any way discriminate based on age.

This week we want to bring you a fact a day about Adoption in Ukraine to help educate and create awareness of the opportunity to adopt one of the 25,000 Ukrainian children available for international adoption.

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Russian Culture And Traditions Day For Ukrainian and Russian Adoptive Families

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 10:27:40 EST

Hillwood Museum Russian Roots Family Day - Washington DC

Hillwood is pleased to welcome families formed through adoption at our Russian Roots Family Day on Sunday, March 10, 1-4 pm.

Become royalty for the day as you discover Russian culture and traditions from the past, connect with other families, and create your own imperial treasures. Arrive at 1 pm to gather with families for a welcome with Russian treats. Embark on a quest for Russian treasures in the new special exhibition in Hillwood's Dacha, explore exquisite Russian art in the Mansion, and engage in a family art project to create a treasure of your own to take home.

Our annual Russian Roots Family program is held in March this year to coincide with the special exhibition, Pageant of the Tsars: The Romanov Coronation Albums (open February 16-June 8). Explore the exhibition, celebrate the 400th anniversary of the founding of the Romanov dynasty, and experience the pomp and pageantry that marked the grand coronations of Russia's illustrious ruling family.

E-publications on iPads throughout the exhibition allow you to page digitally through the albums and immerse yourself in the details of the illustrations. Exquisite imperial treasures from Hillwood's renowned Russian art collection and other private lenders further explore the Romanov's lasting influence on Russian art and culture with crystal goblets, jeweled badges, lavish menus, and majestic portraits.

For families formed through adoption with children of all ages from Russia and neighboring countries.

Tickets are $15 for adults, $8 for Hillwood members, $5 for children ages 6-18, and free for children under 6.*
For more information, or to register, call 202.686.5807 or purchase tickets online.

*Because we want everyone to be able to participate in this family program, pricing should not be a barrier. If you have any concerns, please contact us.

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Ukrainian Adoption Officials Discuss Ratification of the Hague Adoption Convention

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 10:09:46 EST

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Ukraine has discussed and considered legistlation to ratify the Hague Adoption Convention for over 5 years. We are unsure of its chances this time around. It is scheduled for debate this summer. We are working to determine what this would mean operationally for international adoptions in Ukraine. Right now, it is unclear, but in every other country that has ratified the convention adoption costs increased significantly. This is mostly due to more steps, documentation and basically bureaucracy. Let's all hope nothing changes.

This is the article published 2.14.12 in the Kyiv Post

Ratification of the Ukrainian Convention on the Protection of Children and Cooperation with Respect to Inter-Country Adoption (Hague Adoption Convention) will give an opportunity to gain a real control over the destiny of the children adopted by the foreigners, a government official has said.

"I'm sure that all of the resources there were in Ukraine to monitor what happens to children adopted by foreign citizens have already been exhausted. Ukraine can't gain anything in a unilateral way anymore," Presidential Commissioner for Children's Rights Yuriy Pavlenko said during a roundtable held by the Verkhovna Rada Committee on family, youth policy, sport and tourism in Kyiv on Wednesday.

According to him, the introduction of amendments to the Family Code "will mean there's a possibility have a proper controls over what happens to a child that is adopted after the convention is ratified and comes into force."

Pavlenko said that the convention would allow eliminate any illegal and intermediary work in Ukraine regarding inter-state adoption.

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Why Adopt From Ukraine: Ukrainian Adoption Takes Months Not Years

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:23:16 EST

Ukrainian Adoption Can Be Completed In Months Not Years

Why Adopt From Ukraine: Ukrainian Adoption Takes Months Not Years

Currently China is granting referrals to parents who submitted their documentation in late 2006! Child services in New Jersey said the wait for a young Caucasian child is about 7 years. Private agencies tell parents they are looking at the same time frame for domestic adoption.

A painfully long process and waiting period is one of the many reasons of the 70% of the US population that considers adoption, less than 3% actually adopt.

Of course, every adoption is different and some take a lot shorter or longer than expected. When adopting from Ukraine, with a little organization and a lot of help from a great adoption advisor, you can feel fairly confident that you will complete your adoption within a year of starting the process. That means before even starting your home study document gathering stage to bringing your child home to the US.

At Adoption Services International, we have completed adoptions in under 8 months. So, you may be able to bring your newly adopted child home faster than if you gave birth.

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Russians Adopting Just For the Money?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:09:28 EST

Must Adopt For the Right Reasons

Adoption in Russia: It is great that Russia is trying to simplify the adotion process. But I am concerned that the proposal to pay adoptive parents $3315 if they adopt children with disabilities, brother and sister pairs, and children over seven.

Since the average salary is so low and rates of poverty are so high, I worry that a lot of families may see only 3315 reasons to adopt and not the most important reason of really wanting a child forever.

Last year Russian adoptive parents returned over 8000 adopted children to their orphanages. Something needs to be done to insure children are not just adopted for the one time payment.

MOSCOW, February 12 - RAPSI. The Russian government has approved a bill drafted by the Ministry of Education and Science to stimulate adoption in Russia, the governments press service said.

The ministry has proposed that a one-time payment of up to 100,000 rubles ($3,315) be approved for the adoptive parents of children with disabilities, brother and sister pairs, and children over seven.

The bill is to be submitted to the State Duma by March 1, 2013. The law could apply to as many as 100,000 orphans. Furthermore, the proposal includes simplifying the adoption procedure, in particular to extend the interim custody of orphans to six months. The procedure for collecting the necessary information would also be simplified, and the validity period of some medical certificates would be extended.

Orphans again became the subject of public discussion after the Dima Yakovlev law passed and came into force on January 1. The bill bans the US adoption of Russian children and was approved in response to the Magnitsky Act. It was unofficially named in memory of Dima Yakovlev, the two-year-old Russian boy who died after his US adoptive father left him in the car for nine hours, as well as in memory of all Russian children who were killed or abused by their adoptive families in the US.

While commenting on the ban, the Russian authorities also appealed for adoption process improvements at home.

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Strategies for Navigating the Journey to Attach with Your Ukrainian AdoptedChild

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:43:16 EST

Attachment and Bonding with Ukrainian Adoption Goes Both Ways!

Parents forget that attachment and bonding is a two way street. Parents can face challenges bonding too.

Confessions of a Mom with Attachment Disorder

That's right, I have attachment disorder, not my daughter

February 01,2013 / Dawn Choate

Maybe I should have left my name off this one. Perhaps I could have been one of the anonymous writers who change their name to protect their identity. I will probably open my inbox to find I've been booted off a Yahoo adoption group or two after this confession. I'm sure I won't be invited to the next LifeBook creation group or called up by the Discovery Channel to cover my next adoption. But, I'm not really confessing this to win any popularity contests anyway. The truth is, I am quite certain that what I am about to confess is a dark, deeply held secret of other adoptive parents out there and I am just the one with the big enough mouth to say it. Okay, here I go.

I have attachment issues.

Yes, me. Not my daughter (our second adoption), although she has her own set of attachment issues, too. But I am talking about me. After a year and a half, my heart still struggles to latch on firmly, to feel free and open with her, to feel the wonderful bonded feeling of being completely attached in heart and spirit to another person. I still catch myself looking blankly at her, wondering if I even know her yet. I am still more easily frustrated by her, less patient, slower to forgive and recover after she misbehaves. I still have to fight feelings of wanting to pay more attention to the children with whom it is easier to feel close. And sometimes I am the one who can go without contact with her and not feel like I even miss her absence.

Before you lynch me, before you throw me to the Yahoo group trash bin, before you black list my name to every agency on planet earth and turn me in to Dr. Phil and his evil message boards.

Let me leave you with some thoughts just in case this strange phenomenon ever lurks its way into your adoption fantasy and threatens to turn it into a nightmare.

Why Adoptive Parents Face Difficulties in Bonding

There are many reasons an adoptive parent may experience difficulty in bonding with their new child. Post-adoption depression is actually a term used now by many therapists and experts in the field. Below are some possible reasons a parent might struggle with bonding:

Unresolved grief over a previous child-related issue (such as miscarriages, inability to conceive, previous adoptions that fell through or previous difficulties with an adoption)

Previous experiences with attachment issues with an adopted child

Adopting an older child who no longer exhibits the natural baby/toddler development stages that promote bonding with a parent

Adopting out of birth order (this can make navigating the baby of the family developmental stage tricky)

Attachment issues in the child that cause the parent to feel rejected

Inability to communicate adequately with the child (language difficulties, speech issues, special needs issues)

This is, of course, only a partial list of the myriad of possible reasons a parent may feel that block that prevents the free-flow of emotion from parent to child. It is a list that we could mark off multiple items that relate to our experience. When we adopted our daughter, she was 3.5 years old. While she still had much of the baby look to her rounded cheeks and pixie face, her behaviors were not in any way like a baby. When I tried to follow the advice of re-parenting her (treating the new child like a baby in certain ways), it only became a source of frustration for us both. She would bite the bottles or pacifiers until she chewed them off, she would regress and wet her pants since she thought that was what I wanted her to do (behave like her little sister), and all the effort didn't produce any real feelings of change in either one of us because she seemed to grasp that she was really not a baby and didn't particularly want to be treated like one.

Another issue we faced was that it was an out-of-birth-order adoption. Although there are many successful cases of this type of adoption and we do not regret having done it ourselves, it certainly presented us with challenges. Our younger daughter still needed to be babied in some ways, and it was tough to make sure that our new daughter was receiving the amount of attention she needed. In addition, you really can't trick your mind into seeing a child who is not the baby as a baby. We were learning firsthand how those critical baby years form that soft foundation of bonding before you have to face the more difficult toddler years with a child. Yet we had missed all of that with her and were thrown head-first into the tougher toddler years.

Communication was also a great hurdle for us as our daughter came to us not only as an older child who had learned over 3 years of Mandarin, but as a child with cleft lip and palate that severely impaired her ability to speak at all. Once again, I was startled to realize something we take for granted in parenting other children that is such a vital key to successful bonding was missing in our relationship with her. Even now, if you ask her why she is crying, she can rarely answer you. All you get is, Um..um..I'm crying! Language and communication are the cornerstones of relationships and it is very tough to find alternate ways of communicating with a child who is impaired in a way that truly brings understanding and the ability to form bonds and attachments.

Perhaps the most critical key to understanding my struggle to bond to my daughter, however, is to understand the struggle we had to get our first daughter to attach to us and how that struggle impacted and scarred my parental psyche. Over time, I have learned and recognized that the awesome weight I bore in the journey to help our first daughter through her struggles left me far more emotionally exhausted and wounded than I had realized at the time we completed our second adoption. After all, Hannah was doing great by the time we adopted again and was getting better everyday. The battle was over (for the most part) and now our new daughter was quiet, gentle and much easier to care for than Hannah had been. How could I not be okay and bond instantly with her?

Yet when the first crying jags started, even though they were not nearly as wild and uncontrollable as had been Hannah's, I found myself holding my new daughter up by her shoulders as she wailed and shrieked, looking her straight in the eyes, and pleading with her, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN!!! I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!!! Red flags should go off at that point. Someone with a megaphone might as well have been screaming at me, SECONDARY POST-TRAUMATIC SYNDROME!!! Of course, I had no idea what that even was at the time. It took a few late nights of internet searching before I recognized it several months after it began to surface. My heart had been greatly wounded before, and now my emotions and spirit were struggling to bear up under another child's journey through grief.

Strategies for Navigating the Journey to Attach with Your Child

After months of agonizing over the lack of attachment I felt towards my daughter, we slowly began to piece together some strategies that we hoped would eventually build the necessary bonds between us. Over time, we noticed small changes that eventually led to even more significant changes. Though the process is slow, the effort and energy we have expended has always eventually paid off. Here are some of the strategies we used that have contributed to the growing bonds between us:

If your child is out of birth order, separate time out specifically for that child away from the children who are younger. Find an activity that suits the new child's age and personality and make it a special event between you. For example, my daughter is very domestic (unlike her wild, Harley-riding sister). So, when I bake an apple pie (okay, this is a rare activity), I bring her alongside of me to help instead of Hannah (distracting Hannah by telling her she can go swing from the trees with her brothers, an activity she would prefer anyway).

Do not feel like you have to follow all of the tips of re-parenting if you adopt an older child. When we tried many of the suggestions (giving a bottle, pacifier, etc.), we found it just frustrated us and did not build any connections with her. Those methods may work well with some children, but our daughter did not respond to them, so we had to move on and treat her like the age that she is instead of trying to regress her. She was happier when we did and we found connections with her easier when we did not try to treat her like something she wasn't.

Work hard to find skills, personality traits, and talents unique to your new child. We tried many things until we discovered what a great swimmer our new daughter was. So we spent extra time developing that in her, praising her for that skill, and used the time in the water as a way to attach to her. Some of my best interactions with her and most affectionate times are in the water.

Give yourself permission to not have to feel all gushy about your new child. It is okay if it is not a fairytale. It does not make you a bad parent or evil. It is what it is. Many days I told myself that I was just going to be a good babysitter that day and gave myself permission to not have to force myself to feel anything else.

Work through any unresolved emotional issues you may have that are blocking your ability to bond. If you have issues of grief, resentment of previous failed adoptions or attempts to bond, or secondary post-traumatic issues, it can really impede your ability to connect with a new child. Get help if necessary.

Find at least one person other than your spouse that you can be completely honest with about your struggles . You might need to air some feelings that can cause some to judge you. But if you don't have at least one safe, outside place to vent, the pressure can build and cause further damage to your relationship with your child.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, no matter how you feel, no matter what your emotions tell you, after all is said and done and you have done everything you can to change your feelings.just keep moving forward anyway. This may sound simple, trite or ignorant of your needs. I certainly stress the need for you to have time away, time for yourself and time to vent to others. But in the midst of all that, there are many days you have to just realize that you made a choice to bring this child in and whatever you do or do not feel towards that child, love is a choice.

Choosing to love your child mentally even when you do not feel it emotionally is a powerful step in the journey to bonding with your child. The rewards for that choice may not surface immediately. The process may be very slow and lacking in immediate gratification. But every day that my daughter laughs a full belly laugh instead of a weak giggle, every time she spontaneously comes to me with arms open for a kiss and says, I love you, Mommy, every time she comes running to see me when I return home with a giant yell, MOMMY'S HOOOOME!!!, I realize that though the journey is long, we will get there. Though I have doubted at times, I know it is true. What you reap, you will sow and one day I know there will be a bountiful harvest in my relationship with my daughter.

This is not an adoption that was microwavable. I could not create insta-attachment for her or for me. No, this is a relationship that is in a long, long simmer. Every once in awhile I get a whiff of what it will eventually be. I cannot wait to taste it fully, but until then, I will keep kissing her good-night, brushing her long, beautiful hair, biting my tongue when I'm frustrated, and hugging her just as fully as I do my other children. She's worth the wait. I hope she thinks I am, too.

P.S. I intentionally left my daughter's name out of this article. It may sound silly as I'm sure I've used her name in other articles. But I felt I at least owed her a little privacy in this particular article considering the candor with which I am expressing our struggles.

Dawn G. Choate and her husband are the parents of 5 children, including 2 born in China and 1 in Guatemala . A writer, speaker and advocate for adoption-related issues, Dawn is the founder of Healing Hannah Ministries Please visit www.youtube.com/user/fisherdawn to view the Healing Hannah videos. Dawn is a frequent contributor to Voices of Adoption

I have attachment issues.

Before you lynch me, before you throw me to the Yahoo group trash bin, before you black list my name to every agency on planet earth and turn me in to Dr. Phil and his evil message boards.

Let me leave you with some thoughts just in case this strange phenomenon ever lurks its way into your adoption fantasy and threatens to turn it into a nightmare.

Why Adoptive Parents Face Difficulties in Bonding

Unresolved grief over a previous child-related issue (such as miscarriages, inability to conceive, previous adoptions that fell through or previous difficulties with an adoption)

Previous experiences with attachment issues with an adopted child

Adopting an older child who no longer exhibits the natural baby/toddler development stages that promote bonding with a parent

Adopting out of birth order (this can make navigating the baby of the family developmental stage tricky)

Attachment issues in the child that cause the parent to feel rejected

Inability to communicate adequately with the child (language difficulties, speech issues, special needs issues)

Strategies for Navigating the Journey to Attach with Your Child

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption Annual Soyuzivka Reunion July 19-21 2013

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:27:23 EST

Ukrainian Adopted Children Family Reunion

Each year parents who have adopted children from Ukraine get together with their families and other adoptive families. There are traditional arts and crafts and hikes and dinners. There is a massive pool and all sorts of sports.

This year it is July 19-21, 2013 at

Soyuzivka Heritage Center
845 - 626- 5641
Fax 845 - 626 - 4638
e-mail: Soyuzivka@aol.com

The price is not yet fixed but includes accomodation, activities and dinners.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Soyuzivka Annual Ukrainian Cultural Festival July 12-14!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:59:41 EST

Ukrainian Festival!

Mark your calendars! This is an amazing event to take your adopted children to. Great food and entertainment!

845 - 626- 5641 Fax 845 - 626 - 4638e-mail: Soyuzivka@aol.com

http://www.soyuzivka.com/About_Soyuzivka.html

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Spring Consignment Sale: Children's Clothing Sale

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:39:52 EST

Help Cloth Your Fast-Growing Adopted Child!

March 28-30

EDISON

Public Sale

Thursday - 3/28 - 9am - 8pm

Friday - 3/29 - 9am - 7pm

It's time to cleanout the closets andcash-in selling what yourkids haveoutgrown.
Sell and earn60-75%! Shop saveup to 90% offretailprices!

KidzsignmentsSpring ConsignmentEvents

HALF PRICE SALE

Saturday - 3/30 - 10am - 6pm
(most items 1/2 off Saturday)

NJ Expo Center

(Raritan Center)
97 Sunfield Avenue
Edison, NJ 08837

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Huge Consignment Clothing Sale For Your Growing Adopted Child!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:35:38 EST

Find Great Deals On Children

Get great deals on clothing and toys for children of most ages!

March 14-16

FLEMINGTON

It's time to cleanout the closets andcash-in selling what yourkids haveoutgrown.
Sell and earn60-75%! Shop saveup to 90% offretailprices!

KidzsignmentsSpring ConsignmentEvents

Public Sale

Thursday - 3/14 - 9am - 8pm

Friday - 3/15 - 9am - 7pm

HALF PRICE SALE

Saturday - 3/16 - 10am - 6pm
(most items 1/2 off Saturday)

76 Reaville Avenue

(next to McDonalds)

Flemington, NJ 08822

www.NJKidSale.com

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

FB Contest: Win Free Unlimite WiFi and Our Amazing Ukrainian Adoption Travel Guide

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 13:05:51 EST

Get Free Unlimited WiFi For Your Ukrainian Adoption Journey

Adopting or considering adopting from Ukraine?

ASI is giving away their Packing and Travel Guide for Ukrainian Adoption and a grand prize of unlimited WIFi in Ukraine.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Free Adoption Presentation Brings Adoption Experts Together

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 11:53:20 EST

Considering Adoption? Find Our How More About The Ukrainian Adoption Process

Adoption Informational Panel Educates Local Communities

Have you ever considered adoption? Have you felt overwhelmed with questions and not know where to start? This program is for you!

Learn about different types of adoptions-domestic, international, private and agency-from a panel of experts.

Attorney Douglas Pine will moderate, joined by

Susan Kibler of Adoption Services International,

Adoption coach Kathy Vervan Bugglin of Self Reflection Coaching,

Julie Ritsema of Bethany Christian Services, and

Kristi Dawicki from the Division of Child Protection & Permanency (formerly DYFS).

The discussion will provide valuable information for anyone considering adoption, with lots of time to answer your questions.

February 12, 1013

7:00 - 9:00 pm

Bernardsville Public Library: 1 Anderson Hill Road Bernardsville, NJ 07924

Tel: 908-766-0118

Free.

Advance sign-up is requested.

The sign-up link is: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/SLJ9KZ6

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Saving Time, Money and Emotional Energy

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Russian Festival in San Francisco Feb. 22-24

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 15:32:58 EST

Celebrate Russian Culture With Your Adopted Children

For more information, contact:

National Chocolate Festival in Lviv, Ukraine!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 07:42:18 EST

Ukrainian National Chocolate Festival in Lviv, Ukraine

VI National Chocolate Festival, the sweetest holiday of the country, will take place in Lviv!

Do you dream about sweet weekend? Welcome to Lviv in Valentine's Day! From 14^th to 17^th of February in Lviv Art Palace (17, Kopernyka Str.) an extraordinary and brilliant performance ? VI City Chocolate Festival will take place. In those days the city invites all sweet tooth to taste the best variety of chocolate sweets. After all at the festival the record for the number of represented types of chocolate and chocolate products will be once again beaten.

A separate area where the biggest chocolate festival in the world EuroChocolate Festival in Perugia will present itself will be the highlight of the festival. All chocolate lovers can enjoy the most delicious Italian sweets in Lviv at Chocolate Festival.

During four days visitors of "chocolate action" will be able to visit the presentation fair of chocolate products of best representatives of this industry, participate in master classes from professional chocolatiers, enjoy chocolate handmade stuff that will be presented by the best confectionery shops of Lviv and all Ukraine, witness the creation of about fifty unique sculptures from huge blocks of chocolate, visit the show of chocolate dresses at participation of Ukrainian designers - ChocoFashion, and join various chocolate workshops. The sweetest holiday gives the sweetest impressions!

Also this year all comers will be treated by a huge creamy chocolate "multistory" cake! It will taste amazing!

At Lviv Chocolate Festival true masters will open to you the ancient recipes of cooking chocolate and allow to spy on the technology of its production. In the hands of Lviv artists chocolate will come to life and turn into a fairy-tale characters, miniature of Lviv buildings and figures of famous people.

And for the youngest visitors every day Children Chocolate Country will work. There will be the art workshop where children will be able to create chocolate sculptures and drawings by hand. For them great workshops, during which candy and cakes from paper, balls and great houses of chocolate, crackers, various powders will be created, will also take place. The entertainment program will become memorable for the youngest participants of National Chocolate Festival.

Festival every year gets new components. So, this year you will be able to enjoy even more delicious chocolate, fun, exciting contests, concerts and demonstration performances.

It is special love for chocolate in Lviv. It is eaten, drunk, presented, proud of, enjoyed with, admired with, fantasized with, gone to the guests with, proposed in love with, made a serious life decisions with, produced a variety of shapes with. And at National Chocolate Festival you will make sure of that.

Real chocolate wonders only at VI National Lviv Chocolate Festival!

Organizer: "Dik-Art" Company.

Holiday attractions and detailed program on the website: shokolad.lviv.ua.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Free Adoption Presentation: The Ukrainian Adoption Process -Saving Time, Money & Emotional Energy

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:13:37 EST

Learn About The Opportunity of Adoption in Ukraine

Free Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting: The Ukrainian Adoption Process - Saving Time, Money and Emotional Energy

Have you considered international adoption? Ukraine was the 5th greatest source of adopted children in the U.S. in 2012, yet many parents who consider adoption have never heard about this European country's adoption program. The first step towards adoption is attending one of our free information meetings. At the meeting Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian Adoption Specialist, will provide detailed information about all Adoption Services International's Ukrainian adoption program and services, as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that international adoption provides for both children and their prospective parents. We encourage an open, judgment free question and answer session to answer any concerns and inquiries.

Join us Thursday, March 14, 2012 6:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance:

info@asi-adoption.com

About the presenters:

Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

For more information, contact:

Free Adoption Information Panel: Ukrainian Adoption And Other Options

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 14:44:41 EST

Considered Adoption? Come Get Your Questions Answered!

Informational Panel Educates Local Communities

Have you ever considered adoption? Have you felt overwhelmed with questions and not know where to start? This program is for you!

Learn about different types of adoptions-domestic, international, private and agency-from a panel of experts.

Attorney Douglas Pine will moderate, joined by

Susan Kibler of Adoption Services International,

Adoption coach Kathy Vervan Bugglin of Self Reflection Coaching,

Julie Ritsema of Bethany Christian Services, and

Kristi Dawicki from the Division of Child Protection & Permanency (formerly DYFS).

The discussion will provide valuable information for anyone considering adoption, with lots of time to answer your questions.

February 12, 1013

7:00 - 9:00 pm

Bernardsville Public Library: 1 Anderson Hill Road Bernardsville, NJ 07924

Tel: 908-766-0118

Free.

Advance sign-up is requested.

The sign-up link is: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/SLJ9KZ6

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Russia Confirms: US Adoptions Apprived By Court Before 1/1/13 Will Proceed

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 11:54:40 EST

Adopting, Adoption, facilitator, International, Ukraine,

Unfortunately, this is the second time this assurance has been made. The first did not seem to make a difference. I believe each court in Russia will continue to interprete and inforce the new ban on US adoptions as they feel it is in their interest to do.

That does not give much reassurance to parents caught in the process. Either way, as this article states, it offers no hope for the over 1500 adoptive parents who were in the process of adopting from Russia, yet had not received their court decree.

U.S. adoptions from Russia By Court Before 1/1/13 will proceed

By The Associated Press

MOSCOW --

Some of the Russian children caught in limbo by their country's ban on adoptions by Americans have left for the United States with their new parents, the U.S. Embassy in Moscow said Wednesday.

The confirmation from press attachÃ© Joseph Kruzich was the first official word that any of the 46 children had been allowed to leave Russia. Kruzich did not say exactly how many of the children had left, but it was clear that all of these adoptions could now go forward, bringing huge relief to the children's would-be parents in America.

The ban on adoptions by Americans was rushed through Russia's parliament and signed by President Vladimir Putin in December in retaliation for a U.S. law that sanctions Russians said to have violated human rights.

But the hasty enactment left many questions unresolved, including the fates of the 46 children whose adoptions had just been approved by Russian courts. The court approval of the adoptions had to be followed by a 30-day waiting period, but that period wasn't over before the ban went into effect Jan. 1, leaving the children in legal limbo.

Many of the adoptive parents came to Russia last week hoping to take home children with whom they had already bonded during two or more previous trips to Russia as part of the lengthy adoption process.

But some of the Americans were left hanging when officials refused to turn over the children, citing uncertainty over the new law. Others had more luck, but kept low profiles, unwilling to jeopardize adoptions that still seemed shaky.

Russia's Supreme Court was asked to establish a legal framework for resolving the dilemma and it issued its ruling Tuesday, stating firmly that all adoptions approved by courts by Jan. 1, even if they had not gone into effect, would be allowed to proceed. The same assurances had been given last Thursday by Russia's ombudsman for children's rights, but his words carried no legal weight.

The embassy press attachÃ© confirmed that some of the American families had managed to get their new children even before the Supreme Court ruling.

"Following up on recent statements by Russian authorities, the embassy can confirm that several adoptions have been finalized under Russian law," Kruzich said. "The embassy in Moscow has processed the applications of these adopting parents in accordance with standard procedures. We will continue processing those cases that are approved by Russian courts."

The first children left Russia on Friday and Saturday, a day after their applications were processed by the embassy.

Hundreds more families - perhaps 1,500 in all - were in some earlier phase of pursuing an adoption from Russia. The Supreme Court ruling appears to put an end to their hopes.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Adoption Informational Panel: Ukrainian Adoption And Other Adoption Opportunities

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:09:03 EST

Free Adoption Informational Panel Of Experts

AdoptionInformational Panel Educates Local Communities

Have you ever considered adoption? Have you felt overwhelmed with questions and not know where to start? This program is for you!

Learn about different types of adoptions-domestic, international, private and agency-from a panel of experts.

Â· Attorney Douglas Pine will moderate, joined by

Â· Susan Kibler of Adoption Services International,

Â· Adoption coach Kathy Vervan Bugglin of Self Reflection Coaching,

Â· Julie Ritsema of Bethany Christian Services, and

Â· Kristi Dawicki from the Division of Child Protection & Permanency (formerly DYFS).

The discussion will provide valuable information for anyone considering adoption, with lots of time to answer your questions.

February 12, 1013

7:00 - 9:00 pm

Bernardsville Public Library:1 Anderson Hill Road Bernardsville, NJ 07924

Tel: 908-766-0118

Free.

Advance sign-up is requested.

The sign-up link is: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/SLJ9KZ6

For more information, contact:

Free Presentation: The Adoption Process: Stress vs. Ease

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:03:34 EST

Adoption Coaching is Essential to Successful Ukrainian Adoptions

Adoption Coaching, What's In It For You? Everything!

We will discuss what coaching is and isn't. As someone who has been adopted, I bring a unique perspective to the journey of discovering who we are, where we belong and what each of us desires to be.

The process of adoption can surface many emotions; fear of rejection, excitement over the possibilities, and anxiety over the process, and wondering if your child will accept this new family unit. Decisions: fear or confidence based, who is making that choice?

Join in a casual conversation on ways to prepare yourself for all the thoughts, emotions, and "what if" scenarios you may experience during the process of adoption and how coaching can assist you along the way.

Details:

Join Us: Monday, February 4, 2013 6:00-8:00 PM

Location:Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, NJ, 08889

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance: info@asi-adoption.com or Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

The Adoptee Coach of Self Reflection Coaching LLC:

Adopted into a loving family as an infant, Kathy has traveled a personal journey of courage and curiosity. When seeking a coach that incorporates a love for life, reassurance and ability to inspire others, and the passion to make this her life's work, Kathy will partner with you through the process.

Through Kathy's own journey of self-discovery and experiences, she has accessed areas that once were dark and unknown that now are filled with light and clarity. She knows the fear, pain, and guilt associated with having been adopted and wanting to know her heritage. Kathy had been best described by her clients as someone who radiates "pure love" and that shines through in her coaching.

You can:

Â· Overcome fear and doubt by becoming more open and trusting

Â· Make clear decisions

Â· Come to peace

Â· Transform relationships

Â· Set goals and design a life you love

Anyone with a strong desire and willingness to take action can transform their lives.

Kathy Vervan Bugglin, CPC, ELI-MP:

www.TheAdopteeCoach.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

(908) 797-4893

http://www.facebook.com/TheAdopteeCoach

Look for Kathy in the bestselling book "Ready, Aim, Soar" on Amazon.

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Russians March Against US Adoption Ban

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 13:26:00 EST

People Power in Russia is Nothing VS Kremlin Power

While I am happy that so many individual Russians realize that the US Adoption ban is a bad thing for the hundreds of thousands of children in Russian orphanages, I am sad that Russia is once again a country where leaders make all the decisions independent of what the population wants and needs.

As this article states: Nearly 130,000 children were eligible for adoption in the country as of late December, according to official figures. In 2011, that number was 82,000,while just 7,400 were adopted by Russian nationals that year

MOSCOW, January 13 (Marc Bennetts, RIA Novosti) - Thousands of people braved freezing temperatures in Moscow on Sunday afternoon to protest a government ban on adoptions of Russian children by US nationals, as well as to call for the dissolution of parliament, which initiated the legislation.

"Hands off the children!" chanted protesters as they streamed through boulevards a short distance from the Kremlin, while a police helicopter hovered above. Some protesters carried placards portraying lawmakers who voted for the ban to a waiting dumpster.

Protest organizers said some 50,000 people had attended the march, while police put the figure at just 9,500. Nine people were detained at the rally for "breaking laws governing participation in mass events," police said.

"It's disgusting that our politicians are using children as political pawns," said protester Tatiana Shilova, a 45-year-old real estate agent. "I refuse to recognize a parliament that would do such a thing."

Opponents of the ban say it effectively condemns Russian children in state care to lives of misery in what they say are underfunded and sometimes brutal institutions, referred to in Russian as "children's homes."Nearly 130,000 children were eligible for adoption in the country as of late December, according to official figures. In 2011, that number was 82,000,while just 7,400 were adopted by Russian nationals that year.

"I've never come out to a protest before, but this law is the last straw," Shilova added.

A host of famous Russian actors and writers spoke out against the law in the run-up to the march, urging people to take to the streets.

"If we remain indifferent to thisâ�¦we are accomplices. It's as simple as that," writer Viktor Shenderovich said in a video address uploaded to social networks.

"Just imagine, there are some sick children, without moms or dads, living in terrible children's homes," said Tatyana Dogileva, an actress, in another video address.

"Their parents have already come to see them, from America, and said, 'We are your mom and dad.' They've already shown them the house where they will live," she went on. "And then the politicians play their dirty, awful games."

The adoption ban, which came into force January 1, is part of Russia's wider response to the United States' so-called Magnitsky Act, which introduces sanctions against Russian officials suspected of involvement in human rights abuses. The US law - which the Kremlin called a "purely political, unfriendly act" - was named after Sergei Magnitsky, a whistleblowing lawyer who died under disputed circumstances in a Moscow pre-trial detention center in 2009.

The ban will affect almost all of the children - some with serious illnesses - now at various stages of the adoption process by US families, which the US State Department estimated last week at 500-1,000.

Over 60,000 Russian children have been adopted by American families in the last 20 years, including around 1,000 in 2011, according to US State Department figures. In introducing the controversial ban late last year, Russian lawmakers cited the deaths of 19 of those children, since 1999, at the hands of their US adoptive parents and President Vladimir Putin signed the bill into law just before the New Year.

The ban has split public opinion in Russia and provoked rare open criticism from government figures, with even Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov speaking out against it.

Putin's spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, told the online TV channel Dozhd on Sunday that he understood that people were concerned by the law, but said it was aimed at creating the "necessary conditions" to improve Russian orphanages and allow more Russian families to adopt. But he also called criticized calls for the dissolution of the two houses of parliament as "disrespectful."

A top lawmaker from the ruling United Russia party, Andrei Isayev, appeared to threaten protesters on the eve of the rally.

"Let's look attentively and remember the faces of the organizers and active participants of this rally," he wrote on his party's official website. "Our task in the years to come is to drive them to the farthest corners of political and public life, to the middle of nowhere." Isayev also dubbed the protesters "child-sellers."

Some 56 percent of Russians indicated they are in favor of the ban in a poll released by the Public Opinion Fund in late December. But Putin's decision to approve what he called an "adequate" response to the Magnitsky Act has also further highlighted the divide between the authorities and the urban, educated class that has formed the backbone of the ongoing protests against his 13-year rule as president and prime minister.

While most high-profile figures in the protest movement stayed out of the limelight on Sunday, leaving the organization to civil activists, protesters combined calls for a repeal of the adoption ban with chants such as "Putin is a thief."

Sergei Udaltsov, the leftist leader facing jail on charges of plotting to overthrow Putin, was the sole well-known opposition figure to play a leading role in Sunday's rally.

Udaltsov's Left Front movement was just one of a number of leftist and nationalist movements to put aside their anti-US rhetoric to participate in the demonstration.

"I am against capitalism and US foreign policies," Udaltsov said at the rally. "But we are all united here against this terrible law."

The ban was overwhelmingly approved by Russia's lower house of parliament, the State Duma, and unanimously by its upper house, the Federation Council, in voting in December.

Yekaterina Lakhova, the United Russia lawmaker who sponsored the ban, said she had paid a visit to the rally to see for herself the people opposed to the law, but left early due to the cold.

"These peopleâ�¦are always disgruntled about something," she told Dozhd.

Much smaller marches against the ban also took place in a number of other Russian cities.

Updated with correct number of children eligible for adoption.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

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Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

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Russia's Adoption Ban and International Diplomacy

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 11:01:58 EST

Russia, Using Children As Diplomatic and Political Tools

This is a very interesting article on Russia's strategic use of the US adoption ban from a political and diplomatic perspective. A different perspective.

Are Children Today's Iron Ore? Russia's Adoption Ban and International Diplomacy

Yasmine Ergas

Associate Director, Institute for the Study of Human Rights at Columbia University

With the ban on adoptions by Americans, Putin and the Russian Parliament placed the child trade where it deserves to be: on the desks of foreign policy makers. Nobody should be surprised. Now that Russians as well as Americans have expressed their justified outrage at children being held hostage to Russia's retaliation for the U.S.'s Magnitsky Act, which sanctions human rights violators, shouldn't we ask why Russia's move makes sense? That way, next time ordinary people's ordinary lives precipitate a front-page diplomatic crisis, policy makers will be prepared. Along with trade and war, everyday life is rapidly becoming the stuff of international diplomacy.

Russia's new ban on U.S. adoptions violates international treaties. But proponents of the ban have been less worried about infringing international law than eager to benefit from manipulating the child trade. They are right -- the transfer of children from their orphanages to our families provides enormous leverage. And, using that leverage comes with low costs to Russia.

Think of children as human iron ore: If you were holding ten percent of a country's supply, wouldn't you use it to negotiate a better deal on, say, inward-directed foreign investment? That is exactly Russia's situation with respect to the American demand for foreign adoptions. Of course, children are not iron ore, and human rights violators are not factory owners eager for dollars. But Americans are amongst the world's largest consumers of the worldwide supply of children for adoption, and Russia is one of their primary sources. In 2011, Russian children accounted for 970 of 9,320 U.S. foreign adoptions. That's still a distant second to China (2,589), but ahead of South Korea (736) and well beyond any other competitor. From Russia's point of view, there's strength in that number.

Russia is also the United States' second-greatest supplier of iron ore: in 2010, Canada provided over half the country's imports while Russia's share accounted for just under one tenth, according to indexmundi. But a Russian embargo on iron ore sales to the U.S. would be costly; the loss of revenues would certainly impact domestic constituencies, and the U.S. might table a dispute before the World Trade Organization -- an organization with some teeth. The ban on adoptions, however, affects relatively weak Russian constituencies -- the children themselves and the middlemen who broker their transfer. And there are benefits: The institutions in which those children are housed will likely do well by maintaining their headcount. More importantly, keeping Russian children in Russia (and Russian) appeals to national (and nationalist) sentiment. Never mind that Russians have been slow to adopt their own. According to UNICEF, 740,000 Russian children are growing up without parents but only 18,000 Russian families are currently waiting to adopt a child. In the last two decades, U.S. families have adopted 60,000 Russian children. Some Duma parliamentarians claim the ban will prompt more Russians to come forward. And then there's the poetic justice of this particular tit-for-tat. The U.S. accuses Russians of being human rights violators? Russia doesn't think so highly of the U.S.'s treatment of children, with lawmakers arguing they're safer in local orphanages than in the care of Americans who might leave them to die in car parks (as happened to a young boy in 2008) or even ship them back as damaged goods, as one woman did in 2010.

The costs are the children's and Americans.' Herein lies Russia's power. In the U.S., the costs will be borne by the families adopting the 46 children whom Russia may now refuse to expatriate. It's not such a large number, but it speaks for thousands of families to whom accessing the child trade has come to seem a normal -- indeed, sometimes, philanthropic -- strategy of family formation. Faced with fertility difficulties, Americans both adopt and reproduce abroad, crossing borders to buy eggs and sperm, have them blended and hire gestational carriers. Technological advances in reproductive medicine and communications have combined with the other factors driving globalization to shape robust international markets. So, Americans frequently go abroad to fulfill one of the basic tasks of everyday life: reproduction. They also go abroad to study, access health care, live out retirements, find sexual partners, marry.

Carried out overseas, each activity comes with its own complications. Children cannot simply be ferried across national lines; their exit and entrance must comport with the rules of surrendering and acquiring states. That requires coordinating the adoption and other filiation procedures on whose basis identity documents can be issued, immigration visas provided and eventually citizenship granted. Similarly, access to educational institutions depends on the recognition of credentials: a U.S. high school diploma will not grant access to most European universities. A routine check-up may cost much less in Lyons than Chicago, but that does not mean that an insurance contract issued in Chicago insurance will cover it. A New Yorker who retires to Italy's Riviera might as well leave her living will in a drawer in New York -- there's almost no chance it will be honored. And, a Bostonian who marries his same-sex partner in Amsterdam cannot expect the INS to issue his spouse an immigration visa based on family status, even though the marriage could have been validly celebrated in Massachusetts.

So far, these issues have largely been the stuff consular nightmares are made of. Ambassadorial dreams are disturbed by threats of war and enlivened by promises of commerce. But as the lives of Americans -- and almost everyone else -- become increasingly transnational, states will realize that they can negotiate over children, students, lovers, the ailing and the elderly just as profitably as they have always done over arms and chicken feed. Sounding the clarion call of human rights helps mobilize shame, but the issue here is contractual power. Russia is teaching a lesson other countries will soon learn. We should too.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

www.AdoptionServicesInternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

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Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

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Fertility Clinics' Advertising Regulation Falls Short

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:20:21 EST

Ukrainian Adoption is a Wonderful Alternative To Fertility Treatments

Many clients adopting from Ukraine have tried fertility treatments before adopting. Unfortunately, the stories I hear are often of exaggerated statistics of success and exploiting parents' emotions. This thorough study of fertility clinics advertising and marketing practices shows that many are indeed in violation of the industry policies and requirements.

What has been your exerpience?

The article:

Catherine Pearson

Catherine.Pearson@huffingtonpost.com

Smiling babies. Confusing statistics. Talk of miracles. There is too little oversight of how fertility clinics market themselves online, a new report charges, possibly misleading women about their chances of getting pregnant.

In the 30-plus page paper -- among the first to examine how fertility clinics market themselves on the web -- Jim Hawkins, an assistant professor of law at the University of Houston, looked at all 372 fertility clinics in the United States, that are registered with the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology and that have websites. SART, an affiliate of the non-profit American Society for Reproductive Medicine, represents more than 85 percent of the fertility clinics in the U.S.

According to the report, nearly 80 percent of the clinics' websites had photos of babies on their homepage. Thirty percent used the word "dream" and nearly 9 percent used the word "miracle," which, Hawkins argues, may push patients to disregard the high costs of fertility treatment (the average cost of a single cycle of in vitro fertilization is $12,400) and create false hope.

"I don't think this creates some sort of deception," Hawkins told HuffPost -- at least not a deception that would be illegal under current laws, he said, but showing photos of babies and using such words may suggest to some patients that success is a likely outcome.

The new report also found that many fertility clinics were in violation of SART's advertising policy for its member clinics. Among other things, it mandates that clinics providing program statistics on their website note that comparisons of success rates "may not be meaningful" because patients and treatment approaches may vary from clinic to clinic. According to the report, 71 percent of clinics had that statement on their websites, but 29 percent did not.

Further, 19 percent of the clinics that posted comparison statements on their websites, violated the requirement that they only compare their success rates to national, SART-generated data. Instead, those clinics compared their rates to other, specific clinics, sometimes in addition to national averages. And 47 percent of the websites making comparison statements did not clarify which rates theirs were "superior" or "exceptional" to. (The report allows that those descriptions may not constitute actual comparisons that violate the ASRM guidelines.)

"I hope the research will encourage legislators to take a closer look at this industry, because the industry's attempts to regulate itself have not been successful," Hawkins said in a statement. According to data cited in the report, fertility services now gross more than $4 billion annually in the U.S. alone. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 1 percent of babies born in the U.S. each year are conceived via some form of assisted reproduction.

In an email to HuffPost, Sean Tipton, director of public affairs for the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, said, "SART has an active enforcement mechanism for violations of its advertising policy. Primarily we try to educate, but SART can, has and will remove clinics from membership if they are unwilling or unable to meet the membership criteria."

"In their anxiousness to find fault with self-regulation, the authors seem to ignore the fact that every physician who performs an IVF cycle in this country must report that fact, and its outcome, to the federal government," Tipton continued. "I don't think patients have much trouble finding information about IVF success rates."

The Fertility Success Rate and Certification Act, enacted in 1992, requires that all assisted reproductive technology clinics report their success rates to the CDC. Each year, that organization publishes a success rate report card, which is available online.

"ASRM puts out guidelines and recommendations, and the reality is they are probably not followed by every individual [fertility] group," said Dr. Suleena Kalra, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Penn Medicine (and a member of ASRM), who did not work on the report. "But I don't see that as significantly impairing our patients' ability to seek excellent care."

Fertility clinics, she argued, are unique in medicine in that they must provide information on their success rates to the government. And when it comes to fertility centers, those rates only tell part of the story, she stressed. For example, a clinic may often help patients who have been unsuccessful elsewhere, which may skew statistics.

"At the end of the day, patients have to go sit across from a doctor, find out if they are listening to them, find out if they are qualified [and] find out if they are comfortable," Kalra said, adding, "that's how patients make their choice."

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

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Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and Process

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:07:25 EST

Free Ukrainian Adoption Informational Presentation

With the recent ban on American adoptions in Russia, families are looking to other countries to adopt. Our Ukrainian adoption program is one of the most affordable and shortest available. Adoptions can be completed in as little as 7 months!

With over 24,000 Caucasian children available for international adoption, Ukraine was the 5thgreatest source of adopted children in the US in 2011, yet many parents considering adoption have never heard about this European adoption program. There are many unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very different from most international and domestic adoptions. Come learn more about this adoption opportunity.

Join Us: Monday, February 4, 2013 6:00-8:00 PM

Location:Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, NJ, 08889

To find out more visit us at: www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance: info@asi-adoption.com or Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

Presenter: Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

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The Adoption Tax Credit And Ukrainian Adoption: Permanent, But Not Refundable

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 10:00:01 EST

Permanent Tax Credit for Ukrainian Adoptions

The federal tax credit helps many families adopt. It is great news that it was saved at the last moment. However, the lack of refundability eliminates adoption assistance for many who do not make enough to pay taxes. Below is the full article.

Legislation that averted the "fiscal cliff" also saved an expiring tax credit - and finally made it permanent - for families who adopt.

Rita Price

The Columbus Dispatch

Advocates lobbied hard to preserve the $10,000 federal adoption-tax credit, which is scaled for inflation and was worth a maximum of $12,650 for 2012. But they did not succeed in making the credit refundable for low- and middle-income families whose tax liability is less than the credit.

That means adoptive parents can't get back the difference, as they could for the 2010 and 2011 tax years.

"It's basically good news," said Rita Soronen, president and CEO of the Columbus-based Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. "The tax credit passed, and it was made permanent. But refundability is off the table now."

Soronen said the result is that some low-income adoptive families will benefit little, if it all, from the credit. "And frankly, those are the families who adopt out of foster care," she said. "Refundability was critical, especially if they had no tax liability."

According to Internal Revenue Service data for 2010, there were about 97,000 adoption tax-credit filings nationwide. About 30 percent of the children adopted from foster care live in households with incomes between 101 and 200 percent of the poverty level, Soronen said. That compares with about 21 percent of all children.

Children adopted from foster care also are less likely to live in wealthier homes. About 21 percent of those adopted from foster care live in households with incomes 400 percent or more of the poverty level, compared with 30 percent of all children and about 58 percent of children adopted internationally.

"Refundability will just have to be an ongoing conversation," Soronen said.

But families who adopt special-needs children, a category that includes the vast majority of foster kids, won't have to document their adoption-related expenses for the credit. Those families also can claim the maximum credit for a special-needs child, regardless of their expenses, if they pay enough in taxes.

All families, whether they adopt from foster care, privately or internationally, can carry their credit forward to other tax years if they don't have enough tax liability to use it all at once.

Megan Lindsey of the National Council for Adoption said the credit is "an important layer of support for families who adopt."

Families with incomes under $150,000 are eligible for the full credit, which gradually phases out for higher incomes.The adoption credit first went into effect in 1997 and had been extended but not made permanent until now

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Considering Adoption? Find Out More! Attend NJ’s Let’s Talk Adoption Conference 1/13/20

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 18:35:09 EST

This is a fantastic adoption conference that offers something for everyone involved or considering adoption.

Considering Adoption? Find Out More! Attend NJ's 31stAnnual Let's Talk Adoption Conference

1/13/2013

8:30am - 4:00pm

(7:45-8:30am Registration, Check-in, Breakfast, Exhibits, Book Sales)

Rutgers University, Busch Campus

Plus 36 workshops on pre-and post-adoptive issues

Coordinated by Concerned Persons for Adoption

Co-sponsored by the New Jersey Interagency Adoption Council and

Rutgers University School of Social Work; Institute For Families

Registration fee: $50 per person; full-time students $25

Continuing Education Hours (max 5) for

NJ & PA Social Workers, Licensed Professional Counselors, NJ Teachers

Provided by Rutgers University Office of Continuing Education

$20 processing fee for Continuing Education Hours/Credits

Please visitwww.cpfanj.orgfor more information and registration form.

To be placed on mailing list contact: paben48@comcast.net

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian President: Adoption Should Not Be Politicized!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 10:24:34 EST

Ukrainian Adoption Welcomes American Families To Adopt

Unlike Russia, Ukraine welcomes international adoption, they are also working hard to encourage domestic adoption. While the methods in the later are not perfect. They have met with success. Unlike Russia, Ukrainians return very few children to orphanages after adoption. Last year Russia families returned over 6000 children! Unlike Russia, Ukraine's government has put the children first and refuses to politicize adoption. Well done!

KIEV, January 4 (RIA Novosti) - Ukraine's President Viktor Yanukovych has waded into the heated debate on international adoption that followed the US Magnitsky Act and Russia's response, stressing that the issue of adoption must not be politicized.

"My main principle is that the interests of the child should be paramount in all issues that concern them. I think it is wrong for the issue of adoption to be focused on to political ends," Yanukovych said in an interview with a Ukrainian newspaper on Friday.

The debate over the issue continues, following the US introduction of the Magnitsky Act and Russia's response - which includes a ban on the adoption of Russian children by US citizens.

In his interview with Ukraine's Komsomolskaya Pravda, the president was adamant that adoption-related issues should be handled professionally. He also made the point that the need for international adoption would vanish if homes for abandoned children could be found domestically.

"In recent years the state's priority regarding adoption has fundamentally changed. Our day-to-day task, which we are seeing bear fruit, is for each child who has lost their parents to find a home within Ukraine," he said.

Yanukovych noted that, this year, Ukrainians adopted nearly three times more children than foreigners, and added that Ukrainian law places a restriction on the adoption of healthy children under five by foreigners.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Looking Beyond Russia For Adoptions To Older Children

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 15:20:45 EST

Older Children In Ukraine Are Available For Adoption!

As this author writes, many countries have imposed increasingly stricter adoption regulations. Adoptive parents should consider Ukraine and older children for adoptions.

Would-be adoptive parents look beyond Russia

December 31, 2012

KATHLEEN KINGSBURY AND LAUREN YOUNG

Russia's new ban on US adoptions is the latest setback for hopeful American parents as countries increasingly impose restrictions. Other countries, including China and Guatemala, have erected hurdles for adoptive families as they create their own domestic adoption programs. The signing of the Hague Convention on adoption in 2008 drastically improved regulation of the process, which had been rife with corruption.But it has also led to a slowdown in adoptions or shutdowns in some countries. Internal politics and abuse concerns are additional reasons why countries have tightened controls. In 2004, US citizens adopted 22,991 children who had been born abroad, an all-time high, according to Adoptive Families magazine. By 2011, that number had fallen to 9,319.There are still other options for Americans wanting to adopt an international child. Bulgaria, Colombia and many African nations are some of the new, go-to countries for US adoptions.But even that's not a sure thing. For would-be adoptive parents the best bet is to widen their search to include special needs kids, sibling groups and older children.AFRICA'S ADOPTION EXPLOSIONAfrica, which represented 22 percent of adoptions in 2009, is expected to be a bigger player in the future. "A decade ago, there were very few adoptions (in Africa)," according to Susan Soonkeum Cox, vice president policy and external affairs at Holt International, a Christian adoption organisation. "Now, there's an explosion."African countries seeing an increase in adoptions include South Africa, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Ghana, Kenya and Ivory Coast. Adoptions in Ethiopia, meanwhile, have declined from a peak of 2,511 in 2010 as the country overhauled its oversight process. But it is still a viable option, Cox said.Cox advises working with an adoption agency that has staff on the ground in Africa and other countries to handle paperwork and advocate for US families.Other countries that still welcome American adoptions include Bulgaria and Colombia, said Megan Montgomery, international adoption co-ordinator for Adoption Star, based in Amherst, New York. Adoption Star primarily deals with adoptions from Bulgaria, a country that has gone from five placements in 2008 to 75 adoptions in 2011. Placements from Vietnam and Cambodia, which shuttered their US adoption programs, should resume soon, adoption experts say.FAMILIES CAN'T FLIP A SWITCHAdoptions of Russian children peaked in 2004, according to Dale Eldridge, co-ordinator of adoptive services at Jewish Family Services' Adoption Choices, a non-profit adoption program based in Framingham, Massachusetts. Right now, fewer than 50 US adoptions of Russian children are formally in the works while another 250 US families have identified kids they would like to adopt, adoption experts said.Unfortunately, families that already have started an adoption in Russia can't just flip a switch and redirect their efforts to another country. "I wish it was as simple as taking some families who have been waiting (for Russian children) to just move over to another country," said David Nish, chief program officer at Spence-Chapin, a US-based adoption agency that finds homes for children in the United States and around the world. "But it's a whole other process."That's because every country has its own eligibility requirements. Criteria can include parents' marital status, age of the parents, employment, financial status, medical issues, and even the age difference between the adoptive parents and adoptee child. The adoption process remains restrictive for single-sex couples.And the cost can be prohibitive. For example, the median fee in 2011 was $8,000 for the Dominican Republic, $15,355 in Panama and $26,063 in South Africa, according to the US State Department's Intercountry Adoption Annual Report. Adoption fees for many of the 30-plus countries on the State Department's list are in the range of $20,000. That's not including travel costs.Even so, international adoptions are often cheaper than domestic ones for new-born babies, which can cost $40,000 or more.OLDER CHILDRENTo speed up the process, would-be adoptive parents should consider a school-age child, experts say.According to the State Department, 233,934 international adoptions were made by Americans from 1999 to 2011. Nearly 94,000 of those adoptions involved children under the age of one. Just about 20,000 children aged three or four were adopted during that period. And for kids aged 5 to 12, it was 29,712.The benefit of adopting a school-age child is that it is easier to identify developmental and emotional problems ahead of time. "There's more you can do to prepare and put resources in place to support what they need," Spence-Chapin's Nish said.School-aged children can be challenging if pre-adoptive experiences affect their development, he said. A special needs child is also a possibility. One way to fast-track an international adoption may be to apply for a child with known medical or special needs, said Adoption Star's Montgomery. "For families with resources, it can be great option," Montgomery said. "Of course, you really have to find the right family to take on that kind of known medical need."Special needs can range from a baby born with a minor medical problem, such as a cleft palate, to more serious issues, such as a heart condition, blindness or spina bifida. "It's not about families getting a child quicker," Nish said. "It's about a family accepting a child into their household that they can provide for and love and nurture."China's Waiting Child program, which includes children who have special needs or correctable medical conditions or are part of sibling groups, has wait times that are typically much shorter than the traditional program, according to Adoptive Families magazine. In 2011, more than half of adoptions from China were through this program.Would-be parents must be prepared to wait. The Associated Services for International Adoption, a non-profit adoption group, says the wait time for an adoption referral in China is 73 months as the country has clamped down on US adoptions. "If the wait time is becoming impractical, it's better to close the intake process" and start again, advised Holt's Cox.Tracy Downey and her husband, Jason, who live in suburban Des Moines, Iowa, tried to go the traditional international Chinese adoption route in 2006. But after waiting for 18 months to bring home a baby from China, Tracy switched gears and started combing the official Chinese list of children with special needs along with additional lists from adoption agencies and orphanages.The Downeys have since adopted a daughter, Angel, along with two sons - Corban and Tegan - from China, all with large, potentially disfiguring moles known as a giant congenital nevi. They started the process to bring home the two boys, now aged 3-1/2, last January. It took about 10 months.Aside from their large moles - which are on two of the children's faces and on the other's lower body - all three kids are healthy and thriving, Tracy said. "If we wanted a non-special needs child, we'd still be waiting," Tracy said.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainians Celebrate Orthodox Christmas With Carol Singing Championship!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 09:05:40 EST

Ukrainians Celebrate Christmas With Carols.

Ukrainians Celebrate Orthodox Christmas on January 7th. This year with a carol singing championship!

Ukrainian carol singers will compete in Vinnytsia

For the New Year and Christmas festive program planned for Jan.3-8 in Vinnytsia, a Ukrainian carol singing championship will take place. Initiators of the event are waiting for the guests from Kyiv, Kharkiv, Cherkasy and Ivano-Frankivsk oblasts, and the town of Koziatyn in Vinnytsia Oblast. Besides the unique contest, residents and guests of the city can enjoy a Christmas disco, a show program "Christmas Olivier salad," a festive concert 'Santa Mania'. The colorful winter fountain and LED sculptures are going to make the atmosphere more festive.

From the Kyiv Post: Zhanna Kobylinska's "Good News Ukraine" blog sticks to uplifting news and steers clear of controversy. Readers can send news items to Kobylinska at purepen@ukr.net.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption Not The Only Reason To Enjoy Your Travel To Ukraine!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 08:47:44 EST

Ukraine Rated in the Top 10 Destinations For Many Big Name Travel Sites

Globe Spots, National Geographic, Trip Advisor and The Lonely Planet ratings have named Ukraine among Top 10 destinations for 2013. The country's touristic prospects changed from being an outsider to a "must-see" destination after hosting Europe's major sporting event - EURO 2012 football championship.

Ukraine as a whole as well as its capital Kyiv, Crimean Peninsula, Lviv, Chornobyl site and even Salt Tunnels of Solotvyno appeared in prestigious international travel ratings. Thus, Southern Ukrainian Crimea opens the 2013 list of the 20 Must-See Places, picked by theNational Geographic Travelereditors. "The Crimean Peninsula, with its voluptuously curved Black Sea coast of sparkling cliffs, is paradise - with Riviera-grade vistas but without Riviera prices," describes the popular tourist magazine the Ukrainian gem.

Moreover, known travel website TripAdvisor announced its Travelers' Choice 2012, naming Ukrainian Kyiv the top destination on the rise among the cities of The Old World. Ukrainian capital placed third in the world's top ten rating. "Having survived the Mongol Empire, WWII, Chornobyl, and Soviet rule, Kyiv is the proud capital of the Ukraine," describes TripAdvisor.

The Globe Spots featured Ukraine in their Top Countries to Visit in 2013 list. Ukraine took the eighth spot in the Top Ten. "Ukraine provides a surreal combination of rock-till-you-drop coastal party towns to Crimean holiday resorts to cosmopolitan capitals to villages you'd swear you were still in the USSR," reads globespots.com.

The world's most successful travel publisher Lonely Planet mentioned Ukraine on three occasions. Firstly, Lviv, home to a number of UNESCO World Heritage sites, became number two entry in the 6 Weekend Breaks in Europe list. Chornobyl Reactor #4 - the site of the world's biggest nuclear disaster in 1986 - was named eighth among the Spookiest Buildings Around the World while Salt Tunnels of Solotvyno became tenth World's Saltiest Sights.

Taleb Rifai, Secretary-General of UNWTO, stated that Ukraine had to promote its tourist potential, letting the world discover "your mystery - the great city of Kyiv, a wonderful country". Ukraine's growing popularity is also due to the advancement of tourists' urge for independent traveling and, hence, authentic and unique experience, added Rifai.

For any query with respect to this article or any other content requirement, please contact Editor at htsyndication@hindustantimes.com

Â© EturboNews ,Inc Provided by Syndigate.info an Albawaba.com company.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

17 Great Reasons to Adopt From Ukraine – An Excellent Alternative To Russian Adoption

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 09:31:55 EST

Consider Ukrainian Adoption Today

With Russia sadly closing its doors to American adoptive parents, the advantages of the Ukrainian Adoption Program should be explored. It is a unique program with many important safeguards for prospective adoptive parents. I see 24,000 great reasons to adopt. That is how many Ukrainian children are available for international adoption, but here are 17 facts about Ukrainian adoption.

1. Ukraine is not Russia: Ukrainians welcome Western tourists, businesses and adoptive parents.

2. Older parents are welcome to adopt in Ukraine. There are no upper age limits for adoptive parents in Ukraine.

3. Ukrainian adoptions are closed and final. All birth parent rights have been terminated.

4. You choose your Ukrainian adoptive child, rather than being placed with a child by an agency.

5. Full medical history is provided for available children before you choose your child, and before you meet them.

6. You are only allowed to choose children that are legally available for adoption, and while you are in the process of visiting a child and deciding to adopt, that child is not offered to anyone. There is no risk that your potential adopted child may not be available for adoption, or would be adopted by someone else at the same time.

7. Ukrainian orphanages are clean and well maintained. The children are well cared for.

8. Ukrainian children are Caucasian.

9. Children adopted from Ukraine are allowed to keep dual citizenship.

10. Gradual transition during the in-country adoption process maximizes parental bonding and attachment.

11. Ukrainian adoption is relatively inexpensive when compared to other adoption programs.

12. The entire Ukrainian adoption process usually takes less a year or less.

13. Adoptive parents are only required to take one trip to Ukraine.

14. You are legally allowed and outwardly encouraged to have an independent physician examine your future adoptive child.

15. Ukrainian adoption is final. No additional adoption process is needed in the US. Your Ukrainian adopted child becomes a US citizen as soon as they enter US airspace.

16. Children are 5 and older. You are able to see their personality, behavior and character. Younger children with special needs are available. Younger children are also available if a sibling older than 5 is adopted at the same time.

17. Adoption Services International has extensive experience making the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home to the US.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption: Postpartum Depression In Adoptive Fathers

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 09:52:00 EST

Adoptive Fathers, Like Adoptive Mothers Can Suffer From Depression

The shape of the modern family is changing. Many families still look very traditional, with a mother and father and children, all of the same race. But more and more families are reflecting the diverse ethnic society that we have become. Two-parent households may consist of a mother and father of different races, or two mothers or two fathers, or other make-ups resulting from LGBTQ unions. Children are not always born into families today. Many are adopted from other countries and brought to the United States. For any parents, adjusting to the transition from singlehood to parenthood can be challenging. But for adoptive parents, other barriers exist.

Although postpartum depression has been extensively researched after biological birth occurs, less focus has been given to the factors leading up to postpartum depression in adoptive parents. To address this obvious void in literature, Karen J. Foli of Purdue University's School of Nursing recently led a study that looked at what contributed to depression in the two years after fathers adopted children. She conducted an online survey of adoptive fathers and found that nearly 25% of those questioned reported being depressed. Some of the factors that the fathers cited were the young age of the child, low social and familial support, lack of feeling bonded to the child, and difficulty adjusting to the role of being a parent.

Foli noted that all of these factors contributed greatly to depression in the men. Clinicians and professionals working with adoptive parents should understand that men may exhibit symptoms of depression quite differently than women. They may have more anger and anxiety than sadness. They may immerse themselves in their work in order to escape their feelings and avoid the home situation that causes them stress. Additionally, many depressed men also have somatic signs, such as ill feeling, insomnia or headaches. Lack of resources, both emotional and financial, was a big factor that predicted depression in men. Other factors were lack of sexual intimacy with a partner, feeling incompetent as a parent, and change in social status at work. Postpartum depression in the mothers also proved to increase the risk of depression in the fathers.

Although studies have shown that depressed mothers have a negative effect on children, depressed fathers can raise the risk for substance use, behavior issues, and depression in children as well. "Further research is needed to specifically grasp the dynamics of paternal depression and its relationship to maternal depression in the postplacement time period," Foli said. Therefore, Foli believes it is necessary for adoption services and community liaisons to offer in-home follow up care after the adoption, to ensure the mental health of both parents is being addressed adequately. Ultimately, the better the psychological condition of the parents, the better the psychological outcome of the child.

Reference:Foli, K. J., South, S. C., Lim, E., and Hebdon, M. (2012). Depression in adoptive fathers: An exploratory mixed methods study.Psychology of Men & Masculinity. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0030482

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Upper House Bans US Adoptions In Russia

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 15:22:25 EST

MOSCOW - The upper house of the Russian parliament unanimously approved a ban on adoptions to the United States on Wednesday. All eyes are now on the Kremlin as the bill goes to President Putin for his signature.

The ban was added last week to a broader bill retaliating for human rights sanctions signed by President Obama earlier this month. Putin has expressed support for the broader bill, which reciprocates the sanctions, but dodged questions last week about the adoption ban.

At stake are the cases of 46 Russian children whose adoptions would be frozen if the bill becomes law, according to Russia's children's ombudsman Pavel Astakhav. He said those children would receive priority to be adopted by Russian families.

The proposed ban has split Russian society. Outside the parliament at least seven people were detained while protesting the bill, according to RIA Novosti. Human rights advocates have urged Russian authorities not to move forward with the ban, saying it denies Russian orphans a home with a family.

It has also caused a rare division among the Russian government.

Several top officials, including Russia's foreign minister and education minister have come out against the ban. A leaked memo from another top official suggested its passage would cause Russia to breach several international treaties, including a recently enacted adoption agreement between the United States and Russia.

Others, like Astakhav, have supported the measure, saying that Russian children should remain in Russia.

A recent poll by the Public Opinion Foundation found a majority of Russians supported the ban, while a quarter opposed it and another quarter expressed no opinion.

Russia is the third most popular place for Americans to adopt children. According to the State Department, over 45,000 Russian children have been adopted by American families since the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991.

Russian officials, however, have pointed to the cases of 19 Russian adopted children who have been killed in the United States as evidence of broader mistreatment of Russian children by their adopted parents. The adoption ban bill was named after Dima Yakovlev, who died in 2008 after his adoptive father left him in a car in a Washington, D.C., suburb. The bill also slaps sanctions on Americans accused of abusing Russian children and judges deemed to have provided them with lenient sentences.

CONSIDER UKRAINIAN ADOPTION

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Putin Evasive on Support of U.S. Russian Adoption Ban

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 15:33:54 EST

With Russian Halt All US Adoptions Of Russian Orphans?

Putin Evades Answering If He Supports The Ban on Americans Adopting in Russia - Consider Ukrainian Adoption

The news about Russia potentially banning adoptions by American families goes from bad to worse. The last reading of the bill is on Friday. If passed, it will go before Putin to sign. Let's hope for the sake of tens of thousands of orphaned Russian children, that this bill does not pass.

ByELLEN BARRYandDAVID M. HERSZENHORNof the New York Times

Published: December 20, 2012

Mr. Putin said he would have to read the text of the amendment before making a final decision, and noted that most American adoptive parents are "honest and decent people."

However, he lashed out angrily at American officials, saying they had allowed child abuse to go unpunished and blockedRussia's efforts to monitor adjudication of such cases.

"This is about the attitude of American officials in situations involving the violation of children's rights," he said, after a Russian journalist criticized the proposed ban. "Do you consider this normal? You like this? What are you, a sadomasochist? There is no need to humiliate the country! We do not forbid adoption by foreigners in general. There are other countries besides the United States."

Mr. Putin criticized a law signed byPresident Obamalast week that seeks to punish Russian citizens who are accused of violating human rights and which served as the spur for the proposed adoption ban. He said the American initiative had been put forward by officials reluctant to part with cold-war-era prejudices.

"They just cannot do without it," he said. "They are trying to stay in the past. This is very bad, and it poisons our relations."

He went on to question Americans' moral authority to challenge Russia's human rights record. The American law, the so-called Magnitsky Act, is named for Sergei L. Magnitsky, a Russian lawyer who was arrested after trying to expose a huge government tax fraud and later died in prison, in 2009.

"What are our partners in the United States worried about? About human rights in our prisons?" Mr. Putin said. "But they themselves have many problems. They hold people in their prisons for years before they accused of any crime. They have legalized torture inside their own country. They would have eaten us alive a long time ago if we had something similar in our country!"

If Mr. Putin allows the adoption bill to go forward, it will be the most forceful anti-American action of his new term, undoing abilateral agreement on international adoptionsthat was ratified just this year and crushing the aspirations of thousands of Americans hoping to adopt Russian orphans. In an unusual split within the government, senior officials had spoken out against the ban, including some, like the foreign minister, Sergey V. Lavrov, who are harsh critics of United States policy.

The bill still faces two more legislative votes, and even before he decides to sign or veto it, Mr. Putin is likely to have huge sway over the bill's final form when it emerges from Parliament.

The State Department said it would not speculate about what the final bill might look like but a spokeswoman, Victoria Nuland, took note of prior cooperation.

"We have worked hard with Russia to address past problems through our new adoption agreement, which the Duma has approved," Ms. Nuland said. "Each year, thousands of children find loving, nurturing homes through intercountry adoptions, and the lives of thousands of American families have been enriched by welcoming Russian orphans into their homes." Russian officials, including Mr. Putin, have promised a forceful response to the Magnitsky Act, which requires the administration to assemble a list of Russian citizens accused of abusing human rights, including officials involved in Mr. Magnitsky's case, and to bar them from traveling to the United States and from owning real estate or other assets there.

But they have struggled to find a response that seems reciprocal and proportional, turning to the idea of punishing Americans linked to adjudication of abuse cases involving children adopted fromRussia. The Russian bill was initially written to impose sanctions on American judges believed to have treated such cases leniently. It was named after Dmitri Yakovlev, a toddler who died of heatstroke in Virginia in July 2008 after his adoptive father left him in a car for nine hours.

Mr. Putin did not give a precise timeline for his decision. Experts on international adoption said uncertainty could prove nearly as damaging as a ban because it would discourage potential adoptive parents from considering children in Russia out of fear that they would invest time, money and emotion only to find their plans blocked by a policy change.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Russia To Ban US Adoptions In Retaliation To Magnitsky Act

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 15:49:41 EST

So Many Russian Children Are In Institutions Seeking Families

Another Artile on this sad topic.

Published: 17 December, 2012, 16:21Edited: 18 December, 2012, 17:54

The State Duma's legislative committee has approved an amendment banning any US involvement in the adoption of Russian children. On Wednesday the Lower House will consider the second reading of the bill.

ÂThe amendment bans both individual adoptions by US citizens and US companies and organizations acting as intermediaries for those who seek to adopt Russian kids. They were submitted jointly by United Russia and Liberal Democratic MPs.

United Russia, the majority party in Parliament, is ready to support the ban on US adoptions according to Deputy Duma Speaker Sergey Neverov. He added that if the ban is approved it must remain in force for as long as US courts pass 'biased' rulings in cases involving adopted Russian children. The minority factions also said they would vote in support.

Other suggested amendments deal directly with the potential for US citizens to influence Russian politics. These include a ban for US citizens to head or even to work in Russian NGOs that are engaged in political activities. It is also proposed that all NGOs receiving funding from the United States be closed.

ÂDima Yakovlev Bill

The bill has been poignantly named after the Russian two-year old Dima Yakovlev, who died after his American adoptive parents left him in a car for nine hours in hot weather.

Dima Yakovlev's death isnot the first caseinvolving Russian children who've been allegedly murdered or tortured by their adoptive parents in the US in recent years. Since the early 1990s, according to Russian officials, at least 19 Russian children have been killed by their foster parents in the US.

About 60,000 Russian children have been adopted by American couples the largest number of all those sharing adoption arrangements with Russia. Relations were strained when an adoptive mother put her 7-year-old son back on a plane to Russia sayinghe was no longer wanted, forcing amoratorium on adoptions in the US, until a new agreement on cross-border adoptions was signed in November 2012.

President Vladimir Putin slammed American authoritieslast week for their vindicatory reaction over Russian orphans dying in US foster families.

"We are indignant not so much at these tragedies - even though it's the worst thing that can happen - as at the reaction of the [US] government, a vindicatory reaction. That's what is bad,"the Russian President said.

Criticisms have been leveled against the American judicial system for not sufficiently responding tocases of abuse of Russian childrenby their American adoptive parents.

ÂBalanced response to Magnitsky Act?

ÂRussia has instituted a special post of the ombudsman for children's rights. The man who currently occupies this position, Pavel Astakhov, is a staunch supporter of a total ban on foreign adoptions. The ombudsman reiterated his position this week saying that all Russian children must remain in Russia if it is possible, stating that the tragedies had most frequently occurred in the United States.

Astakhov also said that Russia must reply to the demonstratively unfriendly policy of the United States and the ban on adoption could be such a reply.

Despite nearly unanimous support in the Parliament, the move to ban adoptions has attracted lots of criticism from both government officials and public activists. "This sort of an eye for an eye type of logic is faulty, as it can only increase the suffering of children who cannot find adoptive parents in Russia," Education Minister Dmitry Livanov wrote in his Twitter microblog.

Human rights activist and Public Chamber member Olga Kostina however believes that the new legislation would hit decent foster families instead of targeting the officials who abuse their authority and transfer children for money.

Kostina believes that Russia's response to the Magnitsky Act should only be noticeable by those politicians who introduced it and not the ordinary citizens and children.

"I would, for example, make a list of those who promote the 'orange revolutions,'"she suggested, adding that with this bill in its current form Russia joins the US in a competition of stupidity and idiocy.

The leader of the Fair Russia party Sergey Mironov said that though he personally supported the ban on adoptions, the priority should be put on making adoption inside Russia easier. First, the procedure must be simplified and second, the adoptive parents must receive some benefits from the state.

The Magnitsky Act,approved by the Senate on December 6andsigned by President Obama on December 14, imposes an entry ban and a freeze of US assets on a group of Russian MP's, law enforcement and court officials who are allegedly complicit in the death of Sergey Magnitsky - an auditor who worked for a British investment fund and who died when he was put in pre-trial detention over a large-scale tax evasion scam. Up until his death Magnitsky claimed that a major fraud had been committed by corrupt officials.

Two prison doctors were tried and sentenced for criminal negligence but a part of the US political and business community, led by Magnitsky's former employer William Browder, have been pressing for more investigations and punishments. Browder is currently under investigation in Russia in the same tax evasion case.

Russia has repeatedly blasted the Magnitsky Act as an attempt to pressure justice in a sovereign country.

Last week Russia's Lower Housepassed the retaliatory Dima Yakovlev bill in its first reading. It proposes denying Russian visas and freezing all financial assets of American citizens involved in the violations of the rights of Russians abroad.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Russian Duma Considers Banning Adoption By Americans - Ukrainian Adoption Is The Alternative

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:57:00 EST

Russian Adoption by Americans May Be Banned

Sadly, in this debate, the children are the ones who really suffer.

MOSCOW (AP) -Russia's parliament is preparing to debate a measure that would ban adoption ofRussian childrenby Americans, raising the stakes in a dispute with Washington overhuman rightslegislation.

The proposal comes afterPresident Barack Obamasigned into law last week a bill that imposes sanctions on Russians deemed to be connected with human rights abuses.

A retaliatory measure that passed its first reading in the Russian Duma last week calls for establishing a blacklist of Americans judged to have violated the human rights of Russians. Officials said that would include those who abuse children adopted from Russia.

But an amendment to be considered in Wednesday's second reading calls for an outright ban on adoptions of Russian children by Americans.

Russians have bristled at reports about the abuse of adopted Russian children. After long delay, an agreement on regulating adoptions was ratified by the Duma in July. The agreement was aimed at addressing concerns galvanized by the scandal over an American woman who in 2010 sent back a 7-year-old Russian boy she had adopted, saying he had behavioral problems and she didn't want him anymore.

But lawmaker Elena Afanasiyeva, a co-author of the proposed new amendment, said the new adoption deal has not eliminated serious problems, especially the poor U.S. communications with Russian authorities about cases of abuse by adoptive parents. "Frequently, they hear about it from the mass media," she told the state news agency ITAR-Tass.

Afanasiyeva also called sentences for abusive adoptive parents in the United States too light and said they were inconsistent from state to state.

The proposed law is named the Dima Yakovlev Bill, after a 21-month-old Russian boy who died after his American adoptive father left him alone in an automobile in the baking heat for hours. The father was acquitted of involuntary manslaughter.

However, some Russian officials have warned that the amendment could end up harming children.

"The logic is to be 'an eye for an eye,' but the logic is incorrect because it could harm our children who cannot find adopters in Russia," Education and Science Minister Dmitry Livanov commented on his Twitter account.

President Vladimir Putin's foreign policy adviser Yuri Ushakov refused to comment directly on the Russian amendment Tuesday but said "I understand the reaction of our lawmakers."

"What did the Americans hope for - did they hope we would just swallow it? It causes indignation," he said of the U.S. human rights law.

The U.S. law is named after Sergei Magnitsky, a Russian lawyer who was arrested by the officials he accused of a $230 million tax fraud. He was repeatedly denied medical treatment and in 2009 died in jail. Russian rights groups have accused the Kremlin of failing to prosecute those responsible, and the officials that Magnitsky accused of fraud went on to be promoted.

For more information, contact:

Adopting May Reduce Chance Of An Early Death Childless Couples At Higher Risk Of Dying Prematurely

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 06:27:49 EST

Ukrainian Adoption is Good For Your Health!

Wow, another powerful reason to consider Ukrainian adoption!

ByJenny HopeMost parents have claimed at one stage that their children will be the death of them - but the reverse could be true.

A new study suggests being childless may increase the risk of dying prematurely, especially in women.

Scientists say the study throws new light on the age-old question of whether life fulfillment provided by children can actually extend your years.

The answer appears to be yes - but only compared with people who want children and are unable to have them.

In these circumstances, adoption may reduce the risk of early death, according to Danish scientists.

But their investigation did not look at whether couples who choose to be childless are likely to have shorter lives as a result.Among possible reasons for early death rates are risky behaviors, such as more drinking and drug abuse, depression and psychiatric illness, and physical illness linked to their infertility.

Professor Esben Agerbo, of Aarhus University, who led the research, said the study was a 'natural experiment' because it only analyzed data from parents who wanted a child and were actively seeking to do so using IVF treatment.

He said it found an 'association' between being childless and dying prematurely but no link with higher rates of mental illness.

He said 'Mindful that association is not causation; our study suggests that the mortality rates are higher in the childless.

'Rates of psychiatric illness do not appear to vary with childlessness, but in parents who adopt it is decreased.' The study investigated death rates among 21,276 couples in Denmark registered for IVF treatment, which meant they all started out wanting a baby.

Among women who remained childless, the early death rate from circulatory disease, cancers, and accidents amongst women was four times as high as that amongst those who subsequently gave birth to their own child, the early death rate was 50 per cent lower among women who adopted, says the study published online in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

Rates of death were around twice as high among men who did not become parents, either biologically or through adoption.

Rates of mental ill health were similar between couples with or without children of their own, with the exception of slightly higher rates of drug and alcohol problems among childless couples.

The study found rates of mental illness in couples who adopted children was around half that of biological parents, but this may not be a true finding, said the study.

The researchers based their findings on data from population registers in Denmark on births and deaths, assisted conception (IVF) procedures, hospital admissions, psychiatric service contacts, and labor market statistics for the period from 1994 to 2008.

Between 1994 and 2005, 21,276 childless couples were registered for IVF treatment with 15,210 children born and 1,564 adopted.

In Denmark, many parents who want to adopt have to complete a course of IVF treatment first.

The study found the rate of adoption was highest among wealthy people who tend to live longer and experience less psychiatric illness, this might have affected the outcome, they said.

Critics of the study said it was probably not representative of couples in general but showed that having a child was likely to be a much more important goal in life for people actively seeking medical treatment.

As a result the findings suggest those who fulfill their life goals have better overall health than those who do not.

Previous Danish research suggested childless women having IVF run a greater risk of suffering mental health problems if they fail to have a baby.

They seek help because they are desperate to start a family, but are a fifth more likely to end up in hospital suffering from psychiatric disorders than women who succeed in falling pregnant, a study found.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Mark Your Calendars: The Cleveland Russian Festival Summer 2013

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 05:52:23 EST

Fabulous Russian Cultural Festival Planned! Perfect for Adoptive Families

Wonderful family opportunity to share your adopted child's culture

The Russian American Cultural Society of Cleveland will sponsor renowned professional musical ensembleBarynyaat the 3rd annual Cleveland Russian Festival in the summer of 2013.

The Festival is held on the scenic grounds of St. Sergius Russian Orthodox Cathedral in Parma, Ohio. The 2013 festival will be held the 26th through the 28th of July.

At the 2012 Festival we sponsored theGolden Gates Dance Troupefrom St. Petersburg, Russia.

Read about the 1st festival from 2011 at the Congress of Russian Americans.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

High Five Documentary Shows Challenges Of Ukrainian International Adoption

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 05:41:36 EST

Family Grows from 0 to 5 Children Through Ukrainian Adoption

This documentary follows one families journey before and after adopting 5 children from Ukraine.

By Yolande Cole

When B.C. couple Cathy and Martin Ward decided to adopt a child, they didn't expect they would eventually end up with five.

The documentaryHigh Fivetells the story of how the husband and wife became parents to five siblings who had been living in an orphanage in rural Ukraine.

The process, as the film details, was not without its many challenges. Watching the couple react to being forced to leave three of the children in the orphanage while they navigate the lengthy adoption process is heart wrenching.

Even once the Wards begin to settle their family in their suburban home in Surrey, the process is full of plenty of hurdles, from the financial impacts of going from no children to five, to tensions that arise between the siblings as they try to adapt to the new setting.

The documentary illustrates those challenges in powerful detail, from emotional accounts of the children's traumatic experiences in the Ukraine, to tense moments like the two youngest sisters excluding Yulia-their older teen sister and former mother figure-for not knowing how to play with dolls.

These moments are at times tough to watch, as director Julia Ivanova is sometimes heard asking probing questions that the subjects struggle or decline to answer. The camera often lingers on the faces of the family members, allowing their expressions to tell more than they will admit in interviews.

Ivanova collected years of footage from both the Ukraine and Canada as filmmakers shadowed the family. The well-edited version of that story allows the viewer to watch key portions of the siblings' saga as they grow from young, vulnerable orphans to Canadian residents who come to see their suburban home as the norm.

But while their new setting offers the children a loving upbringing, the divide that begins to grow between Yulia and some members of the family as they adapt to their new roles is truly sad to observe.

Ivanova succeeds in weaving this mix of uplifting and difficult moments into a powerful and memorable account of a family's challenging experience with international adoption.

High Five: A Suburban Adoption Sagascreens on the Knowledge Network this evening (December 4) at 9 p.m. and on Wednesday (December 5) at 12 a.m

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family, provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for infertility treatments-contact us to learn more about Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Citizens Adopt Children and Then Give Them Back to Orpanages

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 03:51:19 EST

So Many Ukrainian Children Seek Forever Families Through Adoption

Local adoptions in Eastern Europe often result in many children being returned to the orphanages by their adoptive parents. In Russia last year a well researched article showed that almost the same number of children adopted in a year nationally, was the same number of adopted children that were returned that year. (Over 6000 if I recall accurately.)

I can not vouch for the numbers from this article about Ukraine, but the trend is accurate. The Ukrainian government has been pushing Ukrainians to adopt and it has not worked out in the interests of the children in some cases. We must keep this in perspective. This article states that in 2010 36 children were returned by Ukrainian adoptive parents and 3 by International adoptive parents. This number is a huge success in comparison to nearby Russia!

I agree strongly with the author's belief that more education for perspective Ukrainian parents is necessary. It is one thing to have your documents in order, it is another to be prepared to parent and provide a forever family. This is why it is important that we do a home study, to show that we have thought this through and it is much more than a passing desire.

This article also notes an all to real differentiation in Slavic countries in their perception of adoption. These cultures look at adopted children as not the same as their biological children. Yet, this is only a generalization. I have met many Ukrainian families that have spent years and all their savings to adopt and they love that child more than anything in the world.

Here is the article by Eugenia Snezhkova, translated by Marina Shchadnykh, Published: 2012-04-02

During the last two years the number of adopted children decreased in our country. But we can't say that there is any indifference to orphans. And the number of people who want to adopt a child didn't become smallerâ�¦

It seems like Ukrainians started to look at the adoption process of "getting" a new family member with more responsibility.

The Donetsk oblast is a leader in adoption in Ukraine. During 11 months of last year 242 children went to live in new families in this region. And 127 in total orphans have gone to live in their new families abroad.

Now there are 27 thousands of minor orphans who can be adopted in Ukraine. 70 per cent of this number is children older than 10 years. Each of them dreams to have parents, especially a mother, who will come to take them out of the cold walls of the orphanage.

Sometimes it happens. But unfortunately fairy tale doesn't always have a happy end. Firstly, Ukrainians want to adopt newly-born and healthy babies. Secondly, sometimes people give adopted children back to orphanagesâ�¦

Not to Be Returned Or Exchanged

Some goods can't be returned or exchanged. Someone can always put away some purchase which he doesn't like. But what can parents and adopted children do, whose relations are not too good?

There is an unofficial list with names of parents who had problems with their "new" children. Viktoria Mochalova is a psychologist with big experience working in the "Happy Child" charity foundation. She told journalist of 062.ua website a touching story to learn from.

Orphanage

A couple couldn't have their own children. They decided to adopt a child. But as soon as they got an adopted baby, they found out that the wife finally got pregnant. Not having any concerns the couple gave an adopted child back to the orphanage. "Don't need him any longer" - as they explained. And the pregnancy didn't go well - baby died before delivery. But the right to adopt children this couple lost forever - reports Victoria Mochalova.

Fortunately, there is not that much of such stories with returning orphans, but they all have bad psychological consequences for orphans.

To adopt a child is half-a-deal done. But the child also needs to be raised. Sometimes it happens that children are being returned because of the problems of teenage period, - says Viktoriya Mochalova.

"There was a story in Kiev not that long ago, when people who adopted a newly born baby returned him to the orphanage at the age of thirteen. Any explanations that it is such an age and they deal with the result of their own education didn't help. A teenage boy was returned to the orphanage."

The question appears - What do social workers and psychologists do? The thing is that education is necessary: for foster-parents, tutors and mentors.

While educational courses for people who adopt a child are not necessary it's necessary for documents to be in order. And this is where the mistake is, because children from the orphanages often have their own specific character. As many of them saw drunk parents from the early childhood, then lived on the streets and then turned out to be under state care.

Children themselves don't really like to talk about the reasons why they are being returned. A headmaster of one orphanage told us that the teachers don't ask the children about reasons of their return. "We don't ask them, but not because we don't care. We just don't want to hurt them more. That's our policyâ�¦"

Either way, the most awful behavior of biological child, who was carried by his mother under her heart for 9 months, wouldn't make normal parents abandon him. A mother wouldn't take her child to the orphanage if she has a headache or neighbors complain about constant noise, as it happened in Donetsk.

Asylum

"A lady, who adopted three children at once, returned them to the orphanage in a week" - tells us this sad story Darya Kasyanova, representative of Rinat Akhmetov "Development of Ukraine" charity foundation.

"The woman got used to her stable life. And suddenly three children appeared in the apartment. When she left for work, children stayed by themselves. And as it is usual for kids, jumped, cried, and laughed loudly. The neighbors complained to the new mother about the noise. She didn't think for a long time and returned them with their luggage, as some useless things" - summarizes Darya.

The procedure of returning a child is fulfilled in a lawsuit. The basic reason is usually "different characters". The child is often taken back to the orphanage, not waiting for an adjudgement. The law can't reject an adopter.

The Hague Convention: For and Against

Today in Ukraine primary rights to adopt children are given to national adopters. When there are no chances for a child to be adopted by a Ukrainian family, then government lets foreign mothers and fathers adopt a child. This is the Law of Ukraine and rules of the Hague Convention.

The ratification process of the Hague Convention rules became a long story in Ukraine. Politicians discuss it's ratification for 14 years, but haven't decided on anything yet. Starting in 1998, then in 2002, 2006 and 2008 different complement of Ministry requested for Verhovna Rada to ratify the international document. But no result. The next, fifth try of ratification was in March 2011. But, again VR returned the document to the President for some revision.

Every child needs a family

There is no certain opinion about the Hague Convention advantages. Mostly the Parliament is against the ratification of the document. Deputies say that the Convention can support children trade. In particular, 32nd article, which says about "â�¦reward of professional fees to the parties, who take part in adoption process." And for those who trade people this is very profitable.

The supporters, as social organizations, vice versa, insist that the ratification of the Convection will make control of candidates for adoption selection and children who were adopted abroad more efficient.

Some government officials, who work in adoption and protection of children's rights, think that the ratification opposition of the document is lobbying of criminals, who trade people interests, who have influential patrons.

Nevertheless, imperfect laws, long process of documents gathering, numerous controls don't prevent Ukrainian families from children adoption. And a number of children adopted is not the most important thing in this process. Quality is the main. In that case families will be more stable and there won't be any returnsâ�¦

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Opportunities and Challenges of Ukrainian Adoption: Free Informational Presentation

Monday, February 4, 6:00-8:00 PM

Healthy U Fitness Studio, Bishop's Plaza, 431 Route 22 East, Whitehouse, New Jersey, 08889

Free Presentation: International Adoption From Ukraine

Tuesday, February 12, 6:00-9:00 PM

Bernardsville Public Library, 1 Anderson Hill Road, Bernardsville, NJ 07924

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Free Informational Meeting

Thursday, March 14, 6:00-8:00 PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Free Fundraising Website Helps Finance Your Ukrainian Adoption

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:21:14 EST

Financing Your Ukrainian Adoption

Until Ukrainian adoption is affordable to all, we keep exploring every financing and fundraising opportunity.

Check out www.youcaring.com

Free Fundraising Website

YouCaring is a free fundraising website, created for individuals wanting to raise funds for medical expenses, memorials and funerals, tuition assistance, adoption fundraising, funding for mission trips and helping another in need. It provides a simple and organized way to implement your fundraiser ideas and help achieve, or exceed your fundraising goals.

No Website Fees?

We do not charge our fundraisers regardless of the amount of money they raise. Our site is supported by amazing donors from all over the world. This makes YouCaring the first truly free website of its kind. And best of all, our encryption method ensures your donation process is easy, safe & secure.

Raising funds through YouCaring couldn't be easier - Just setup a profile page in a couple of minutes and start to raise funds - FREE.

How It Works

Write a description of your cause and give it a human dimension by uploading photos. Fundraising profiles with photos are more engaging. You can also embed videos and add links to other sites. ItÂ´s helpful to keep potential donors updated by posting exciting updates on your journey.

Access our Promotion Tools to help you get the word out to potential donors. Post your fundraising campaign on Facebook. Tweet about it on Twitter. Alert your friends and family to your fundraising page so they can donate.

We transfer donations directly into your PayPal account, as soon as they are received. We do not charge our fundraisers. Regardless, of the amount of money they raise. Our site is supported by amazing donors from all over the world. Which makes it the only TRULY FREE website of it's kind.

www.youcaring.com

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

For more information, contact:

Top Five Reasons To Choose An Au Pair For Your Adopted Child Including Ukrainian Adopted Children

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 06:14:28 EST

Go Au Pair Offers Childcare With So Many Advantages For Your Ukrainian Adopted Child

Five Top Reasons to Choose and Au Pair For Your Ukrainian Adopted Child by

Go Au Pair

#1 Consistency-Have you ever moved and had one or more of your kids freak out? Pass through a phase that was just unreasonable? I just did. My two year old was on his worst behavior for weeks. Now put yourself in the shoes of your adopted child. Where there were ten children sleeping in the room with them before, now there are none. The language, the food, the culture, the clothing, the climate - everything is changing for them. These changes are traumatizing. An Au Pair can keep some consistency for your newly adopted child by sharing with them the same culture they just came from. Your child will have a better chance at adjusting slowly into their new circumstance.

#2 Bilingual Opportunity- Did you know it takes a child less than six months to lose their native language in a new country? This problem makes for real issues when you want to call grandma back home but you can't even speak her language anymore. It is also a problem for children who would otherwise been bilingual and have had a head start at competing in the global marketplace. Retaining a language is much easier than learning it again, especially when the language is introduced later in life. Studies have shown it is much easier for a child to pick up a language than an adult. Did you also know studies have showninfants and children will learn much faster from human interaction than any educational DVD? An Au Pair makes the dream of having a bilingual child a reality.

#3 Builds Confidence- Conversations at school will come up where your child may need to explain their family tree, or cultural background or skin color and so on, wouldn't it be nice if they could answer these questions? The Adoption Institute has shown one of thechallenges with cross-cultural matchesis the adopted child will struggle with their identity, which may cause a lack of confidence and depression. An Au Pair is not only from their native culture but is proud of their culture. An adopted child would not need to apologize for their different identity. An Au Pair and the adopted child they care for will celebrate their differences together. What a great way to start out.

#4 Broader Perspective-Did you know in Ukraine the children lay on the ground when they see a dog? While very different if done in the United States, in Ukraine the child is protecting themselves from rabid dogs that roam their cities. For some reason it is human nature to fear and then dislike something if it is different. Different behaviors your adopted child may have can cause a rift between you instead of the closeness you hope for. An Au Pair will teach you about their differences and with that mutual understanding you will increase your cultural awareness and fear will not be an issue.

#5 Enriched Family Relationships- Au Pairs can give your child something you cannot provide for them, a chance at understanding their own unique heritage. Knowing this will strengthen ties with you, your child and the Au Pair. Bringing in an Au Pair will create a cultural immersion experience that benefits you and your child for a lifetime.

Go Au Pair is one of the original Au Pair Program sponsors designated by the department of State in 1989. There are Go Au Pair representatives in over 50 countries on six different continents and in more than 100 American cities. Their company headquarters is in Salt Lake City, Utah.

If you're interested in hosting an Au Pair from Go Au Pair, Email

HostFamilies@goaupair.com

or Call Toll Free:

888.AUPAIR.1

888.287.2471

Local:

801.255.7722

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

LifeSong For Orphans Adoption Funding and Grants for Ukrainian Adoption

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 13:08:34 EST

Assistance Funding Your Ukrainian Adoption

This organization ministers in Ukraine and offers several types of loans and grants for Ukrainian adoption. The turnaround is quite short. They say it takes 6-8 weeks to consider an applications.

Please check it out if you are still looking for financing for your Ukrainian adoption. I hope there is a day when everyone can afford adoption without worries. Until then, let's help each other find more and better sources of financing for Ukrainian adoption.

The site is:http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/adoption-funding/adoption-grants/

Here is some information on how they work:

What does a 'covenant loan' mean?

Lifesong's adoption loan is not the same as a traditional, legally binding, promissory note used by lenders. Instead, we ask the couple to enter into a "covenant agreement" whereby they covenant to reimburse Lifesong in monthly or annual payments as mutually agreed upon. The covenant commitment is then between the couple, Lifesong and God. The couple agrees to exercise financial stewardship responsibility to both Lifesong and to God, to use funds that God provides to them to reimburse Lifesong for the financial assistance that God graciously provided.

How is the loan amount and repayment determination made?

Loan amounts are up to $12,000 $10,000 and the exact amount is based on your financial need and Lifesong's available funds. Repayment terms are determined on an individual basis and repayments are made on a monthly and/or annual basis.

Do we have to use the money we receive from our Federal Adoption Tax Credit to reimburse Lifesong?

It is agreed that you will reimburse Lifesong the amount of the Federal adoption tax credit utilized on your Federal income tax return until the Covenant Loan Amount is paid in full. The annual payment will be made (60) days after filing of the income tax return for any year.

What if we experience financial hardship during our repayment period?

Although you need to honor your covenant agreement to repay the assistance you received, Lifesong will work with you through your financial hardship.

Are funds paid directly to the family or directly to the adoption agency?

For payments owed to the agency, Lifesong will make payments directly to the agency whenever possible.

We can reimburse families give funds to couples upon receipt of documentation of the amounts needed.

Why use Interest-Free loans?

A key strategy for the interest-free loan program is that it would become a 'self perpetuating' fund which

continually "recycles" to help one adopting family after another. For example, one $5,000 loan over

10 years becomes $40,000 helping 8 families adopt (given an average loan repayment of 15 months).

Application/Approval Process

The couple sends their application to Lifesong along with a copy of their home study report and the

other information requested on the application. We try to review each application within 6-8 weeks

after we receive it and send a letter to inform the couple of our determination.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption: How to Help Your Children Prepare For The Arrival Of A New Family Member

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:14:32 EST

Consider Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine To Grow Your Loving Family

When we adopt from Ukraine, we all want our existing children to share our excitement and enthusiasm. Many do. However, a newly adopted child from Ukraine, just as a new biological child, will change the dynamic of your family and all relationships. This is a great article from the internet (source unknown) addressing these concerns and offering suggestions for easing the addition of a new family member.

Adding a child to your family, either by birth or adoption, is a joyous occasion worthy of celebration. It is also a major life changing event that requires all family members to make adjustments. In order to ease the transition, it is important to prepare existing children for the arrival of a new sibling.Talking openly and honestly about adoption is an important first step in the preparation process. The timing and content of that discussion will largely depend upon the developmental level of the child, and the circumstances surrounding the adoption. For example, younger children are not able to understand timelines, government procedures, red- tape and paperwork delays. Telling a child about a sibling who may not arrive for another year could cause significant worry and concern. It is best to talk in general terms at first, and to gradually introduce the idea of a sibling before providing specific details.Understand that your child could have legitimate fears and concerns that may be stirred up by the adoption process. Questions about the permanency and stability of your family may arise. Children might worry about what would happen to them if you could not take care of them anymore. Would they be taken away from you and adopted by another family? They might also be concerned that their adopted sibling could be removed from the family. Reassure your child that adoption is permanent and that your family is and will always be a "forever family". Finally, prepare your children with specific responses to the difficult questions that might arise about why their sibling doesn't look like them, why their sibling was adopted, etc.Including your child in the adoption process from the start is recommended. Some positive ways to involve your child prior to the arrival of their sibling include: ask them to help paint, decorate and prepare their sibling's room; enlist their help with shopping for clothing, supplies, and other necessary items for their new sibling; discuss things they can teach their sibling or activities they can do together; or allow them to choose a special gift to present to their sibling once he/she arrives. To make the situation even more real for your child, you may also want to role play a "real life" situation in which your child will have to share your attention or wait for something that you won't be able to do for them immediately. Of course, this should be geared to the developmental level of your child and the anticipated developmental level of the child you will be adopting.There are also a number of excellent children's books that focus on adoption and are specifically designed to help prepare children for the arrival of a sibling. Reading together is a great way to introduce the topic, facilitate discussion, and address any concerns or questions your child may have.While it is good to involve your child in the process, asking them if they want a sibling implies that they have a choice. Unless you intend to give them the decision making power, it is better to acknowledge their feelings about a new sibling, but make it clear from the start what your intentions are. Instead of asking your child if they want a sibling, you might involve them in discussions about gender and possible names for their brother or sister, but without giving them the final say.If you are traveling overseas to adopt, you may want to consider taking your child on the adoption trip. Children who are older and mature enough to handle the trip could benefit from learning about their sibling's birth country and having the chance to form an early bond with their brother or sister. If taking your child on the trip is not possible or advisable, it is important for you to prepare your child in advance, and to reassure them that you will be coming back. Use creative strategies to visually illustrate how long you will be gone such as calendars to mark off each day, or paper chains that allow the child to remove a link every day until you arrive home. Perhaps most importantly, make certain that your child is being cared for by people they trust and with whom they feel comfortable, and that their daily schedule is not unnecessarily disrupted while you are away.Even with thoughtful preparation, the actual arrival of the much anticipated brother or sister can result in upheaval and negative feelings for the waiting sibling. Understandably, parents may need to spend more time with a newly adopted child to help him/her acclimate, which can lead to feelings of anger, hurt and resentment for the child already at home. It is not unusual for children to act out, revert to an earlier development stage, demand extra time and attention, or become more needy and clingy during this time of transition and adjustment. They may even attempt to harm their new sibling or express a desire for them to be "sent back" or returned. It is important for parents to acknowledge and validate that it is not always easy or fun to have a sibling. The honeymoon period never lasts, and eventually, the reality of having to share space, toys, time and attention with a new sibling will set in.When reality hits, it is critical to reaffirm your child's unique place in the family, and to reassure them that their world is still intact. Make special time for your child where you can focus on them and their needs without being distracted or divided. This could be as simple as a weekly "date" or outing to the park or library, watching a video together, or playing a game while the adopted sibling is napping. It is also important to make sure that your child's schedule and routine remain as consistent as possible to minimize major disruptions or changes. Keep them involved in extracurricular activities that they enjoy, and maintain their connections with friends. They need to have a life apart from their new sibling that remains relatively constant and predictable.We all want our children to get along and to have a positive relationship, but pushing a loving sibling bond is likely to backfire. As a parent, you can provide your children with opportunities to interact and bond in positive ways, you can point out similarities, and you can nurture and support common interests. Furthermore, parents should intervene when safety is a concern. However, siblings also need time and space to work out their issues and develop their own relationship over time. It may not be love at first sight and most siblings experience conflict from time to time, so try to maintain realistic expectations. If the evolving relationship between your children becomes too problematic or difficult to manage, do not be afraid to seek advice from your pediatrician, adoption social worker, or an independent counselor.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Free Adoption Presentation: The Ukrainian Adoption Process -Saving Time, Money & Emotional Energy

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:08:14 EST

Considering Adoption? Find Our How To Start The Adoption Process

New Jersey Adoption Experts Provide Free Adoption Presentations In Honor of National Adoption Awareness Month

Have you considered international adoption? Ukraine was the 5thgreatest source of adopted children in the U.S. in 2011, yet many parents who consider adoption have never heard about this European country's adoption program. The first step towards adoption is attending one of our free information meetings. At the meeting Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian Adoption Specialist, will provide detailed information about all Adoption Services International's Ukrainian adoption program and services, as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that international adoption provides for both children and their prospective parents. We encourage an open, judgment free question and answer session to answer any concerns and inquiries.

Join us Wednesday, November 28, 2012 6:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

To find out more visit us at:www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance:

info@asi-adoption.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

About the presenters:

Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

For more information, contact:

Free Adoption Presentation: E.M.O.T.I.O.N. and Me As An Adoptee

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:00:34 EST

Adoption Presentation In New Jersey

E.M.O.T.I.O.N. and Me As An Adoptee

Join The Adoptee Coach, as she speaks about abandonment, not being good enough, relationships, confidence and allowing in joy & love! The emotions we carry emit energy ~ what does your energy reveal? Do you feel labeled and powerless to change that identity? You can alter your perspective, attitude and make a shift in consciousness that transpires into an increase in positive energy and overall effectiveness in life!

Join us Wednesday, November 28, 2012 6:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

To find out more visit us at:www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance:

info@asi-adoption.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

About the presenters:

The Adoptee Coach of Self Reflection Coaching LLC:

Some of the emotions clients experience are abandonment, lack of confidence & self-esteem, guilt, pain, and fear. Parents surrendering a child(ren) as well as those seeking to adopt experience a wave of emotions, such as fear and excitement, anxiety and joy, judgment from others and themselves, loss, grief, and more.

No matter where the client is starting from they can:

Â· Overcome fear and doubt by becoming more open and trusting

Â· Make clear decisions

Â· Come to peace

Â· Transform relationships

Â· Set goals and design a life they love

Anyone with a strong desire and willingness to take action can transform their lives.

If a coaching relationship interests you, please contact Kathy Vervan Bugglin at

www.TheAdopteeCoach.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

(908) 797-4893

http://www.facebook.com/TheAdopteeCoach

Look for Kathy in the bestseller "Ready, Aim, Soar" on Amazon.

Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

For more information, contact:

Adopting An Older Ukrainian Child: What We Wish We Had Known About Initial Bonding

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 16:22:15 EST

Bonding With Your Older Ukrainian Adopted Child

The majority of children adopted from Ukraine are not infants. They are children with personalities and a past. In this article a mom and her daughter, adopted at age 9, share lessons learned about older child adoption in this beautiful article.

Every child is unique and every adoption and family experience will be different. However, as an adopted parent of an older child much of this story resonates with me.

Since it is a very long piece, I have broken it up into segments. My comments are in "quotes". Enjoy.

What We Wish We Had Known

By Judy and Sara Myerson

Initial bonding with an older child is extremely important.

Any child who was in an orphanage or foster care will have had major interruptions and disruptions with primary caregivers, and at worst, never had an adult with whom to bond.

We were lucky. Sara came to us with a memory of strong primary attachments to both her birthmother and birthfather. She also came with the history of having been abandoned by those parents, with no explanation of why she had to go or why she was the one so chosen. In her four years at the orphanage, she did not find one adult who took care of more than her physical needs. She was not about to trust that we would truly be there and remain. She had also perfected a number of survival skills-a defensive prickliness and pushing-away behaviors-that could make it hard for someone to want to bond with her.

When I watch Sara's adoption video now, several things jump out at me. The first is how often I allowed Sara to walk with, hold hands with, be given things, and be comforted by our guide, rather than me or her father. The second realization is how my energy was focused on caring for two-year-old Mia, not Sara.

We should have been doing all the care-taking. I should have been holding Sara's hand, not a shopping bag. Mia could have been cared for by her brother. Those first moments, when Sara was most afraid and vulnerable, were golden opportunities to establish us as the ones she could turn to, and to establish me as her mom.

"When adopting from Ukraine, you have the unique opportunity to spend time with your Ukrainian adopted child in their environment. The first days and weeks are critical. Build trust with your child by always keeping your word and your promises. Be on time for all your meetings with your child. Remind them you will be there tomorrow, and be sure to warn them in advance if you will have to miss a day. You need to show your newly adopted child from the very beginning that you will be there for them always and they can trust you to be there."

"Remember you are the parent. You need to set rules and limitations right away. Be careful not to allow a child to do things while you are with them in Ukraine that you will not allow at home. That double standard will be hard for the child to understand. Remember, it will be a dramatic and possibly traumatic change to a totally new living environment when you return to the States. Be as consistent as possible with your parenting. The more you can keep consistent and unchanged, the easier the transition will be for your newly adopted Ukrainian child."

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Free Ukrainian Adoption Presentation: Saving Time, Money and Emotional Energy

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 08:39:44 EST

Consider a Ukrainian Adoption of a Child 5 Years Old or Greater: 24,000 Orphaned Children Waiting for Loving Parents

Join us Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jerseyhttp://www.mapquest.com/?le=t&q=133+Rupell+Road%2C++Clinton+NJ+US&maptype=map&vs=directions

To find out more visit us at:www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance:

info@asi-adoption.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

For more information, contact:

Key To Successful Ukrainian Adoptions: Not Age Or Trauma, But Secure Stable Parental Bond

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 15:14:02 EST

Consider Welcoming An Adoptive Ukrainian Child To Your Family Through Adoption

Documentary says science can improve adoption success, by changing parenting habits and teaching children to love

A new documentary film suggests that older adopted children can be taught tolove, and that this can result in more successfuladoption. New research, shown in the film documentary 'The Dark Matter Of Love' suggests that love can 'rewire' the brains of older children, as long as their adoptive parents can get over the unhealthyparentinghabits they've inherited from their own parents.

(PRWEB UK) 13 November 2012

Statistics show that around 20% of the 3,200 UK adoptions every year will fail, with the figure rising to 30% with olderchildren.

Dr Robert Marvin, whose work is featured in 'The Dark Matter Of Love' has spent a lifetime developing a programme designed to help adoptive families connect.

"A lot of the work focuses on helping the parent overcome the unhealthy relationship habits they've inherited from their Mum and Dad that are preventing them from giving their adoptive child what they need," Professor Marvin explains.

"It isn't the age of adoption or the severity of the trauma the child has endured, the biggest factor in determining the success of adoptions is whether the parents are capable of having a secure, stable bond with the child."

The 90 minute feature documentary about a family going through Dr Marvin's intervention is set to release early next year. The film follows Claudio and Cheryl Diaz as they adopt three Russian children, an eleven-year-old girl and two twin five-year-old boys.

Claudio inherited a very strict style of parenting from his father and his controlling tendencies prevent him from forming a bond with his new kids. Cheryl's mother never encouraged her, so Cheryl struggles to appreciate her children's achievements. Through intensive work with Dr Marvin, both Claudio and Cheryl manage to overcome their habitual behaviours and to form real meaningful bonds with their new children.

When Masha, the Diaz's new 11 year old daughter, starts to connect with her parents she blossoms in every area of her development. Her school work improves, she starts to share her secrets with her new mother, and she makes friends at school.

Director of 'The Dark Matter Of Love' Sarah McCarthy explains: "Love is they key to every area of human development. Scientists at the University of Minnesota can predict with 77% accuracy whether an 18-month-old child will graduate high school based on the quality of its relationship with Mum. It's a more accurate predictor than IQ."

"Evolution has hard wired us to love. Recent experiments with monkeys and owls have revealed that brains can be re-wired much later than originally thought. Masha rewired her brain, she learned to love. If more adoptive parents worked on their own emotional baggage we wouldn't have to have 640 broken hearted children returning to our care systems every year," Sarah continued.

FURTHER INFORMATION:

The film has already received support from high profile documentary film maker Morgan Spurlock, and has been voted 'project of the week' by independent film website Indiewire.com.

Further information about the movie The Dark Matter Of Love can be found athttp://www.kickstarter.com/projects/darkmatterlove/the-dark-matter-of-love-0.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Gender Preferences in Ukrainian Adoption: Snips and Snails vs. Sugar and Spice

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 11:49:14 EST

Consider Adopting a Ukrainian Boy or Girl Today

Why do so many American families wish to adopt girls rather than boys? What were your feelings before and after adopting about the differences in genders and gender preference?

By Dawn at Creating a Family

The old nursery rhyme presents the choice quite succinctly: you can have snips, snails, and puppy dog tails (presumably along with tailless dogs) or you can have sugar, spice and all things nice. Most adoptive parents prefer sugar and spice. Adoption agencies, both domestic and international, tell me that if given a choice, 75-80% of adoptive parents prefer to adopt girls. It's a sad irony that there are more boys available for adoption than girls. Interestingly, numerous researcher have found that parents expecting a child by birth prefer a boy, at least for their first child. Issues like this intrigue me, so I've spent more time than I'd like to admit thinking about why adoptive parents prefer to adopt girls.

Women are usually the drivers in the adoption process and many women prefer to parent girls. As with most issues of the heart, the reasons aren't entirely clear. They may want to enjoy the same gender specific activities and toys of their childhood, or they think they will have a better handle on how to raise girls, having been one themselves. Single woman often prefer girls because they believe it will be easier to raise a daughter without a father. But I think the reason may be deeper. I believe that many women are afraid of raising boys, assuming that boys are more active, disruptive, loud, and dirty; and that teenage boys will engage in more risky or challenging behavior.

There isn't a lot of research on parental gender preference, but the limited research that is available shows that many women think that their husbands are also more comfortable raising a girl. Dr. Kristine Freeark, a clinical psychologist specializing in adoption and a professor at the University of Michigan, notes that the perception of what the husband wants is a very influential factor in preferring a girl. She points out that her research does not address whether this perception is accurate.

The matriarchal nature of our society may also play a role. It is more often the daughters that are the keepers of the family traditions, planners of the family reunions, and schedulers of the grandparent visits. Parents may subconsciously be trying to position themselves on the inside track with their adult child's family.

Daughters are also more likely to be the caregivers for aging parents. As my husband, Peter, so inelegantly tells our kids, "In a couple of years I'm going to need someone to wipe the drool off my chin and one of you will be the lucky one." (He says this to both our sons and daughters who are equally disgusted at the thought.) We all know exceptions to this generalization, and we expect that our son will be one of these exceptions; but, perhaps on a subconscious level, parents may think daughters are a surer bet for being old-age drool wipers.

There is also what I call the "China doll" effect. Girls, especially Asian and Latino girls, are sometimes perceived as pretty little dolls to be dressed up and looked at. They often receive attention for their looks and parents may enjoy the reflected glory. Don't misunderstand me: life is undoubtedly easier for the attractive and enjoying your child's beauty and the compliments they receive is fine. I think, however, it helps to acknowledge if this is part of the motivation for wanting a girl since not all girls gracefully fit this stereotype. You may get one of the rough and tumble, nose-picking variety. Even if your daughter fits the bill, you will have the added challenge of helping her understand that she is more than her looks; she is also smart, strong, and capable.

The reverse of the China doll syndrome is the "scary minority adolescent male" syndrome. I think male teens have a negative image in our society, and this is especially the case with minority males. Parents may have this stereotype in mind when thinking about parenting a black, Hispanic or Asian boy. Plus, President Obama not withstanding, there are not as many positive male role models in the media for Latinos, Asians, and African Americans. It is hard for many parents to imagine parenting Jackie Chan.

And then there is the cuddle factor. Most parents begin the adoption journey after spending years dealing with infertility.

These years of pent up desire for a child to hold and nurture can feed the desire to adopt a girl since girls are perceived as being more affectionate and responsive to cuddling. Further, our society discourages doting on boys. One woman I talked to summed it up well, "It is more socially acceptable to spoil a girl, and quite frankly, I want to do some spoiling."

The family name has traditionally been passed through the males of a family and some families are less willing to have a male outside their blood line carry the name into future generations.

Most liberated modern folks don't consciously subscribe to this belief, but on an unconscious level they may be vulnerable or may think that grandparents will be more accepting of an adopted daughter since she would have less impact on the family name.

My View from the Trenches

Before starting my family I definitely sided with the sugar and spice side in the battle of the sexes. Now, two sons and two daughters later, I have a different view. While I would never deny that there are differences between boys and girls, my experience and research shows that there are more differences within a gender than there are between the genders. Also, the "easiest" has more to do with the personality of the child and the parent than on the gender. The child that we find easiest to raise is usually the child that fits the best with our personality.

While the loudest of my children is a boy, one daughter is a close second. The calmest of my children is a boy. The most talkative of my kids is a boy, but the one who talks most freely about emotions is a girl. I should also add that the one least likely to share her emotions is the other girl. By far the sweetest of all my kids is a boy (at least that was the case until he turned 13, but I've concluded that all 13 year olds are developmentally incapable of being sweet, and I still have hope that he'll revert to his sweet self when he is older). All four of mine are slobs and pack rats. All four hated showers, brushing teeth, changing underwear, and all other forms of personal hygiene until the appeal of the opposite sex beckoned.

I haven't seen much difference in parental anxiety in the teen years based on the gender of the child. I worry about them all, and the one I worry about the most changes daily. If forced to pick, I'd have to say that the "hardest" is one son, but the "easiest" is the other son-so far at least. But I still have one daughter left to go, so all bets are off.

Undeniably, girls are more fun to dress until they develop a fashion sense of their own (and I use the word "fashion" quite loosely), which usually hits around the age of five. From that point on they are harder and more expensive to dress. As they age, you find yourself forced to ask questions such as "Who in their right mind would pay that much for a pair of jeans?" and "Where, outside of a red light district, would you wear that?"

I now feel blessed to have children of both genders and of all different personality types. The "easiest" varies depending on developmental stage (mine and theirs) and personality (mine and theirs). For me, a little snail and tail mixed with my sugar and spice is the best of all worlds.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoptive Families: Upcoming Event Russian Festival Nov. 17 Western Michigan U.

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:22:10 EST

Wonderful Activities To Explore The Culture of Your Ukrainian Adopted Child

Bring your Ukrainian adopted children to this amazing Russian Festival!

KALAMAZOO, MI -The annual Kalamazoo Russian Festival will conclude a week of international events as Western Michigan Universitycelebrates International Education week.

More than 1,000 guests, performers and vendors who are enthusiastic about Russian culture are expected to attend the event, which features art exhibits, concerts, folk dancers and singers, crafts, Russian food, children's activities, and a silent auction.

State Rep. Sean McCann will give opening remarks at 9 a.m. and various activities will be taking place until 5 p.m. at the Fetzer Center on Saturday, Nov. 17.

The event will feature a pysanki egg workshop, where guests can learn about what the decorated eggs symbolize and how to create their own. At 11 a.m. and 1 p.m., Marshall Academy high school students will be performing an adaptation of Pushkin's "The Golden Cockerel," a fairy tale about a love-stricken tsar who ignores his kingdom.

The Russian Festival is the final event of WMU's International Education Week festivities.Student cultural groups are hosting quiz bowls, panel discussions, dining events and soccer tournaments throughout the week on campus.

Admission to the Russian festival is $2 for children age 12 and under, $6 with a student ID, $10 for adults, and $20 for a family pass.

For more information, visit

russianfestival.org

or contact Judith Rypma

atrypmaj@wmich.edu

(269) 387-2628

ContactUrsula Zerilliat

uzerilli@mlive.com

269-254-5295

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Au Pair Agency Partners With Ukrainian Adoption Firm Adoption Services International

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:00:23 EST

Consider Giving an Orphaned Ukrainian Child a Loving Future: Photo by Michal Chelbin "Katya" in a Ukrainian Prison

Au Pairs come from another country for a year to care for American children and many families who have adopted children from another country are trying desperately to find a way to preserve their child's unique culture and language. For this reason, Go Au Pair recently teamed with Adoption Services International (ASI) to support their intercultural adoptions. As November isNational Adoption monththey are trying to get the word out about this unique partnership.

Many times parents will look out of country to adopt because in the United States competition can be tough. Once a family decides to adopt out of country there are a whole new set of challenges. The Adoption Institute has shown one of the challenges with cross-cultural matches is the adopted child will struggle with their identity, which may cause a lack of confidence and depression.

"An Au Pair is proud of their own culture. They will bring a different perspective the American families cannot provide," said Susan Kibler, director of ASI. "For the children placed in US homes, knowing about their own culture builds confidence instead of making them feel different or ashamed of their skin color or background."

If an Au Pair has the same nationality as the adopted children, she is able to keep or teach the children their native language, introduce them to traditional food, and educate them about their heritage."The Au Pair helps the whole family to have broader exposure to their children's native culture," said Polina Kravets, Representative for Go Au Pair's service area in New Jersey. "I frequently witness families bond with their Au Pairs through this amazing program and develop life-long friendships."

Bringing in an Au Pair is more affordable than using a nanny and will save the family the hassle of needing to search out groups or individuals with their child's same heritage in their area.

"I am such a supporter of Go Au Pair and the services they can do for both adopted children and their families," said Kibler. "I think their services could help a lot of parents and families who would otherwise struggle after adoption."

Go Au Pair is one of the original Au Pair Program sponsors designated by the department of State in 1989.There are Go Au Pair representatives in over 50 countries on six different continents and in more than 100 American cities. Their company headquarters is in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Adoption Services International unities orphaned Ukrainian children with loving American families through affordable independent Ukrainian adoption. ASI's company offices are in New Jersey.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Adopting An Older Child: What We Wish We Had Known About Giving Our Child Some Say

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 16:30:20 EST

Consider a Ukrainian Adoption of a Child 5 Years Old or Greater: 24,000 Orphaned Children Waiting for Loving Parents

Every child is unique and every adoption and family experience will be different. However, as an adopted parent of an older child much of this story resonates with me.

Since it is a very long piece, I have broken it up into segments. My comments are in "quotes". Enjoy.

What We Wish We Had Known

By Judy and Sara Myerson

I did not really have a chance to say yes.

When they told me there was a family from America who wanted to adopt me and asked if I wanted to be adopted, of course I said yes. When they gave me photos of my new house, family and friends, everything looked so nice. I felt special; everyone treated me differently and paid attention to me.

When my new family came, I was excited and scared. As soon as I met them, I left with them and was adopted. Other children had gotten to visit with their new family, then the family left and came back again the next day. I thought that was going to happen to me too. But, I never had a chance to go back, think, and talk to my friends about it. I never really got to know this family, to say no or yes to this adoption. I would have said yes, but I would have liked to have been able to choose.

"This is a really important point. When adopting from Ukraine, you as adoptive parents get this great opportunity to spend time with your adopted child. Make sure if they want to spend time in their group with their friends once in a while, you let them, and don't feel slighted. There were times my son said, "can I play with my friends for a little bit?" I sat and spoke with his caregivers and watched him interact with the other children. It was great to see his personality come out in a group."

"I highly suggest having a small going away party for your Ukrainian adopted child and his or her friends or group. Ask the caregivers what is appropriate. Don't go overboard, listen to their advice. However, if you have ideas, please bring them up. We bought play mobile phones for all the kids once the caregivers agreed that would be okay."

Children in placement and in orphanages are kids whom things happen to. They have been abandoned, neglected, and mistreated. They've been removed from families, sent off with new ones, placed in orphanages and group homes by adults, usually without explanation, preparation, or warning. They do not get to choose much of what happens to them, often growing up feeling powerless.

To Sara, her adoption was merely one more thing that happened to her. We should have insisted that Sara have several visits with us prior to adopting her. At the very least, we could and should have allowed Sara the opportunity to say yes (or possibly no!) to us.

"While we all want to get back to the States as fast as possible with our newly adopted Ukrainian child, those weeks we spend with them before and after court mean a lot. Give your child every chance to make decisions. Start by offering just 2 choices though, because having not been used to choosing anything, too many choices can be overwhelming. They can be what he or she wants to read, eat or play with. It starts to give them a feeling of control."

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Huge New Jersey Consignment Sale! Perfect For Winter/Holiday Clothing for Your Adopted Child!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 17:22:44 EST

Buy Large Sizes! Your Ukrainian Adopted Child Will Grow Fast With Love!

Get a JUMP on your HOLIDAY shopping at Kidzsignments!NOVEMBER 15-1776 ReavilleAvenueFlemington, NJ

Our event this week will feature gently-used children's clothing and shoes for the winter season as well as toys, books, DVDs, electronics, infant gear, accessories, games, puzzles, outdoor toys and more!

PLUS, NEW for this sale, ladies designer handbags and women's shoes!

Shoppers will be able to choose from thousands of items priced up to 90% off retail prices.

Fall/Holiday Children's Consignment Sale!

Public SaleThursday- 11/15 -9 am -8 pmFriday- 11/16 - 9 am -7pmHALF PRICE SALESaturday, 11/17 -10 am - 6 pm(most items half price on Saturday)(next to McDonalds)76 Reaville AvenueFlemington, NJ08822Due to limited space we cannot allow shopping strollers inside

DO YOU WANT TO SHOP?Just mark your calendars! Everyone is welcome to shop the public sale beginning at 9:00 am on Thursday, November 15th! There is no entrance fee and passes are not required at the public sale. You will find amazing bargains on all types of infant and children's items at a fraction of retail prices! Shop from thousands of gently-used (and new) clothing, shoes, toys, books, DVDs, infant gear, holiday decor, furniture, outdoor toys and more!

HOW CAN YOU ATTEND THE PRIVATE PRE-SALE?KIDZSIGNMENTS VIP PRE-SALE PASSES ARE AVAILABLE!

Don't have time to consignor volunteer? We sell VIP Pre-Sale Passes so that you can shop at the pre-sale before the public sale. Anyone can purchase a pre-sale pass, but we do limit the number available.One VIP Pre-sale pass admits 2 parents of the same child or one parent and one grandparent.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption Presentation and The Adoption Process Stress vs Ease

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:45:23 EST

November Ukrainian Adoption Presentations

Thank you to all who came out last night to learn more about Ukrainian Adoption. Thank you to The Califon Book Shop for hosting and Evey's Creations for the desserts.

For anyone who missed the program, we have an event November 28th. Information is below. If you can't make these, please let us know dates that would work for you. We are also planning a webinar with similar content.

The Califon Book Shop put together a list of recommended adoption reading for adoptive parents and adopted children. Please like us on Facebook to get a copy.

The Califon Book Shop also has signed copies of Kathy Vervan Bugglin's new book just released today!Ready, Aim, Soar!The Expert Insights System for Business Growth and Success in the 21st Century

Thanks to all!

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Adoptee Coach Kathy Vervan Bugglin’s Book "Ready, Aim Soar!" Is Released Today!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 13:15:25 EST

Kathy - The Adoptee Coach Is A Huge Supporter Of Ukrainian Adoption. Check out her new book!

We are pleased to announce that the Adoptee Coach herself, Kathy Vervan Bugglin's book Ready, Aim, Soar!The Expert Insights System for Business Growth and Success in the 21st Centuryis released today!

To get a free preview and Kindle version for only .99 cents today only, please visit NOW

http://tinyurl.com/RASoar.

â�¢ Discover a thought-provoking forward from bestselling author and "Buddha of the Internet" Dr. Joe Vitale, filled with honest answers and insightful solutions that provide clarity and creative ideas for those who are keen to take their business and their personal lives to the next level.

â�¢ Become a 21st Century Visionary. Dream University CEO/Founder Marcia Weider who has written 14 books and assisted 3 U.S presidents explains simple ways to breakthrough boundaries and achieve goals.

â�¢ Get Connected on Facebook. Mari Smith one of the world's leading experts on using Facebook as a marketing tool to increase brand reach and profit reveals how to focus and maximize social media for unprecedented business success.

This ground breaking book is just released today. To celebrate, for the next 24 hours, get your Kindle version for .99cents. Be one of the first to enjoy a free preview of Ready, Aim, Soar! and share your review on Amazon.

https://www.createspace.com/4041464

P.S. Discover the success secrets of all forty 21st Century business experts, receive over $1000 in bonuses and resources while providing hope to the homeless: 100% of the Amazon launch profits go to Operation Y.E.S.! Your bonus gifts await you in the book at

http://tinyurl.com/RASoar

Kathy A. Vervan Bugglin will be presenting with me at the upcoming event below:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

National Military Association Offers Active US Military Assistance For Ukrainian Adoptions!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:16:36 EST

Another Source of Financial And Process Support For Your Ukrainian Adoption

For military families who want to share their home with a child who needs loving parents, the National Military Association provides military families with adoption benefits. These include reimbursement of certain expenses, eligibility for extra leave to complete the adoption, and access to military health care for the adopted child before the adoption is final.

The child may be adopting a step-child, a child from foster care, a newborn, or traveling to a foreign country to adopt a child.

There are challenges unique to the military lifestyle. Some state agencies may be reluctant to work with military families because of biased thinking that the military lifestyle may not be stable enough for the child. The National Military Association provides resources that can help with those challenges.

For general information on adoption support for active military go to:

http://www.militaryfamily.org/your-benefits/adoption/

For information on eligibility for reimbursement go to:

http://www.militaryfamily.org/assets/pdf/Qualifications-for-Reimbursement.pdf

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Event:

The Ukrainian Adoption Process: Informational Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Stop Asking Adopted Kids If We Want To Find Our Real Parents!

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 15:21:08 EST

Consider a Ukrainian Adoption of a Child 5 Years Old or Greater: 24,000 Orphaned Children Waiting for Loving Parents

I love this article! I grew up with several close friends who were adopted, and it was just no big deal. Whether they were from Ukraine or MA, everyone knew who their parents were, the ones they ate and slept with every night. As the author states, this view is now somewhat controversial, but I think it should not be dismissed.

Adopted children, what do you think?

Enjoy, Susan

By Marianna

Everyone looks at a photo of our family and would say we look like a Benetton ad. All of my siblings, including myself, were each born on a different continent: Asia, Europe, North America and South America.

My sister was born in Thailand; I was born in Chile, my oldest sister in England, and my brother in Michigan.

We were one of the only families in our school with adopted kids. My older sister wasn't adopted, and my little brother wasn't either. Just me and my other older sister.

Now. It's cool to be adopted. I tell people my parents were the ORIGINAL Brangelina, picking up kids from random countries and giving us a better life. And they did. I think that adopted kids should have a secret handshake or one of those cool rings like Green Lantern. So that way we know who's adopted and who's not. Because unlike non-adopted kids, our parents actually did CHOO-CHOO-CHOOSE us.

Also. We know we are adopted. Even if our parents didn't tell us, I'd hope that we were smart enough to see that me being 5'3 with dark hair and my mom being 5'10 with blonde hair, that something was up. People who are adopted usually know that they are adopted. So stop acting like it's some after school special secret.

Speaking of which: I hate that in the 80's, TV shows made people totally weird about adopted kids. We are not all like Webster or Different Strokes.

Or there's always that dumb episode of every sitcom where a minor character finds out he or she was adopted (at age 18 of course!) and then goes and finds the birth parents. READ: Skippy from Family Ties, Steve Sanders on Beverly Hills 90210 and I'm pretty sure there had to have been a "very special" episode of Saved by the Bell.

I wish TV and films would stop doing that. I love Wes Anderson to death, but when he made the two main characters in The Royal Tenenbaums fall in love, and it was supposedly okay because Margo was adopted, I was sick to my stomach.

What I want people to know is that we aren't any different from you. My siblings are just that -- my siblings. I don't think of them as anything else.

The only real difference between adopted kids and not adopted kids are the following things:

- Feeling pretty punk rock that when I go to the Doctor it takes me half the time it takes other people to fill out those forms, because for the part of family history, I simply write "ADOPTED" across the top. Time saver for sure.

- In science class in 6th grade when you get to the DNA part and you figure out the breakdown of your father's DNA and your mom's and why you are how you are, you just sit that one out. Maybe read quietly or sit outside in the hall.

-You have nobody that looks like you.

- Having people think your 6'6 blonde brother is your boyfriend.

GROSS! I will usually loudly say "Hey MOM called; you gotta call OUR MOM BACK!" if there's a cute guy at the table near us. So he knows, "ah, that's her brother!"

What bothers me about people who find out I'm adopted is that they always have the most typical response, "Do you want to find your real mom?" Are you serious!?

My real mom is an accomplished author and teacher. That's my mom. There's no such thing as a REAL mom and a fake mom. Sure, there's my birthmom, but I don't ever care or think about her.

She did a very selfless thing to give me up, so why would I want to bug her? That's incredibly selfish of me. My dad, he's British and is an Architect and is one of the nicest people ever and is one of the hardest working people I've ever met. Those are my REAL parents. So when you ask me if I want to find my REAL parents, I'll simply tell you they live in Michigan.

My view is a controversial one. I don't think adopted kids should seek out their birth parents. It's selfish. It's rude. You're gonna break her heart just because you are curious? It would not only break my REAL parents' hearts, but who knows what kind of life she has gone on to lead?

Sometimes birthmoms have moved on and have entire families of their own who never knew about the baby they gave up.

Please. People. Stop asking adopted kids if we want to find our parents! You've been asking me that my entire life! Are you serious!? I'd be dead of starvation, or poor on the streets of Santiago if it weren't for my parents. I have the best life and the best family anyone could ever have asked for. I got so incredibly lucky. Kids who are adopted got the best thing of all. They got unconditional love from people who chose to have more kids because they had so much love to give.

I always tell people "Sure, your mom gave you life." But my mom? Gave me A life.

By Marianna

Marianna has been living in Chicago for the past 5 years after moving from Los Angeles. She travels extensively as a Mobile Marketing Tour Manager, and works behind the scenes as Crew for Feature Films.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Considering Ukrainian Adoption? Free Adoption Presentations: The Adoption Process: Stress vs Ease

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 08:02:07 EST

Consider Ukrainian Adoption As A Joyful Way Of Growing Your Family

Adoption Presentations In Celebration of National Adoption Awareness Month

Ukrainian Adoption 101 and The Adoption Process: Stress vs Ease

Join Us: Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-8:00PM

Location: Califon Book Shop: 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

With over 24,000 children available for international adoption, Ukraine is the 5thgreatest source of adopted children in the US in 2011, yet many parents considering adoption have never heard about this European adoption program.

Adoption Process: Stress vs. Ease

Coaching, What's In It For You? Everything!

We will discuss what coaching is and isn't. As someone who has been adopted, I bring a unique perspective to the journey of discovering who we are, where we belong and what each of us desires to be.

Details:

Join Us: Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-8:00PM

Location: Califon Book Shop: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830 (www.califonbookshop.com)

To find out more visit us at:www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance:info@asi-adoption.comorKathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

Presenters:

Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

The Adoptee Coach of Self Reflection Coaching LLC:

You can:

Â· Overcome fear and doubt by becoming more open and trusting

Â· Make clear decisions

Â· Come to peace

Â· Transform relationships

Â· Set goals and design a life you love

Anyone with a strong desire and willingness to take action can transform their lives.

Kathy Vervan Bugglin, CPC, ELI-MP:

www.TheAdopteeCoach.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

(908) 797-4893

http://www.facebook.com/TheAdopteeCoach

Look for Kathy in the soon to be released book "Ready, Aim, Soar" on Amazon.

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian And International Adoption: Post Adoption Depression And What You Can Do

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 14:49:12 EST

Consider Ukrainian Adoption As A Joyful Way Of Growing Your Family

Unfortunately too few people know or discuss the possibility of post adoption depression. After years of working so hard to bring this precious Ukrainian child home, you ask how you ever could have these negative feelings. As this article notes, over 65% of adopting mothers experience post adoption depression.

Learn about post adoption depression, its symptoms and what you can do in this piece.

Enjoy!

Post Adoption Depression: The Unacknowledged Hazard In Adoption

by Harriet McCarthy

There is a crisis of epidemic proportion within the International Adoption Community. It has the potential to compromise the health and well-being of many adoptive families. Known as Post Adoptive Depression or PAD, it affects over 65 percent of adopting mothers according to a recent survey by the Eastern European Adoption Coalition (EEAC), yet goes unacknowledged or unrecognized by agencies, social workers, and most of the medical community.

Post Delivery Depression, long recognized as an expected part of normal pregnancy and delivery is an issue that is openly discussed and well understood by the medical community and the public. Estimates vary, but between fifty to eighty percent of mothers who have given birth will experience the mildest form of PDD called "The Baby Blues" according to Depression After Delivery, Inc. Of those, approximately ten percent will suffer a more serious form of Postpartum Depression which is of longer duration and has moresymptoms. The cause of both these manifestations is attributed to hormone changes and imbalances. Families, physicians, and caretakers are alert forsymptomsand offer unconditional support to new mothers during this usually brief crisis.

The public and medical attitudes toward PDD are a far cry from the silence and secrecy that surround a much more pervasive problem - Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS) which is a term coined by June Bond in her Spring 1995 article for Roots and Wings Magazine. For those of us who are part of the International Adoption Community, in particular parents of orphanage children, we have the added complication of adopting children who are almost always older than newborns and have been in an institutional setting. In many cases, our new children are toddlers to school-aged, and their histories and language issues add an extra dimension to the possibility of their new adoptive mothers developing PADS.

Over the past seven years, I have been intimately connected to the international adoption community as adoptive mother to three older Russian boys, as a member of the Eastern European Adoption Coalition (EEAC), as Co-Owner and moderator for the Parent Education and Preparedness List at www.eeadopt.org, and as founder and Co-Chair of Piedmont Families Through International Adoption. Post Adoption Depression has been a recurrent and persistent issue in all my support experience. In the Fall of 1999, with the help of the EEAC which made our questionnaire available on-line, I launched a survey to see just how prevalent an issue PADS really is. The results were troubling. Our survey was accessible by members of the AParentRuss-List and the PEP-List whose combined membership now tops 3,100. Non-sufferers of Post Adoption Depression were especially encouraged to answer the survey. Of the 145 parents who responded, over 65% said they experienced Post Adoption Depression, yet only 8 people reported they had been advised by their social workers or agencies that this syndrome even existed. Preparation by those agencies would have been helpful, according to 61% of all respondents, sufferers and non-sufferers.

Why does PADS exist among the adoption community in such high numbers? There are a host of very concrete and understandable reasons. Most newly adoptive parents have spent literally years struggling to get to the point of having a child to parent. Their protracted and unfulfilled hopes, dreams, and longing may cause unrealistic expectations about exactly what it will be like to be a parent, and they are unprepared for the grief they feel when reality confronts the child of their imaginations. New parents may feel guilty about their feelings of ambivalence, resentment, or anger toward their new child. The belief in instant bonding or "love at first sight" is often an unrealistic one. Falling in love with a child is much like falling in love with a future mate -initial infatuation and euphoria give way to the lengthy and often difficult process of adjusting to the day to day presence of another human being. It often takes from two to six months for a real sense of attachment to blossom according to many of the posts of families who belong to EEAC. Being unprepared and unsupported, new adoptive mothers who become depressed often try to "tough it out" without asking for any help whatsoever. Many mothers worry that if they advise their agency or social worker (the ones they have spent months or years convincing of their superior parenting skills) that they are experiencing difficulty, those same agencies and social workers will think of them as unfit parents and, in the worst case scenario, remove the new child from their care. Consequently, a bad situation becomes worse because of lack of understanding and support. First line extended family support available to new birth mothers (and fathers) is often totally missing for adoptive parents. In many cases, after enduring years of disappointment with infertility, family members don't understand why the new mother isn't completely happy and content now that she finally has what she's wanted for so long. Rather than disappoint and confound her family, many new adoptive moms simply suffer in silence, filled with shame and guilt, feeling themselves imperfect or selfish.

Our survey didn't ask for gender specifics from our respondents, but we assume that most of the questionnaires were from women. An unknown but very important issue is Post Adoptive Depression in new fathers. Stress plays a major role in what we suppose to be an equally prevalent issue. New adoptive fathers are usually the ones to return to work sooner, and they have the added issue of juggling job and new fatherhood simultaneously.

While all of the above issues pertain to all adoptive parenting, our international community has additional components which load the deck. In almost no case are we adopting newborns. Among other things, we deal with grief over the loss of unknown histories and missed bonding opportunities. We see our children for a very brief time before the adoption is finalized and we often "discover" disturbing surprises about our children's backgrounds after the fact. Our older children come equipped with distinct personalities, some of which meld smoothly into our families, others of which are a jarring and daily reminder of our differences. We adopt children who have experienced an almost unimaginable amount of loss. We adopt children who have suffered the effects of institutionalism, hospitalism, and global neglect. We often adopt children with hidden academic, emotional, neurological and medical needs. Frequently, newly adopted children attach themselves to only one of the two parents, leaving the other parent saddened and disappointed. Add to all that the stress of out-of-country travel, jet lag, communication difficulties with our older kids and foreign country hosts, sleep depravation, and cultural shock. Our decks come loaded with the potential for frustration, powerlessness, and worry - a perfect prescription for the onset of depression.

When I reviewed the data concerning the length of time adoptive parents suffered from PAD, a very disturbing picture emerged. While most post delivery "Baby Blues" are of very short duration (less than two weeks), 77% of survey participants with PAD reported that they suffered theirsymptomsfrom two months to over one year with 45% suffering for six months or more. 85% of sufferers reported that their depression affected their health in some way (serious weight gain/loss was followed by sleep disturbances and headaches), 70% felt that PADS had interfered with smooth transitions and bonding with their new children. Clearly, Post Adoption Depression is a significant, multi-faceted issue that needs to be acknowledged, better understood, and unconditionally counseled and supported by the entire adoption community!

How To Weather The Storm

Knowing that the probability of having PADS is significant will give you a chance to prepare in the event that you are among the majority who suffer with this syndrome. Preparation might include discussing the possibility with your primary care provider as well as your child's future pediatrician. Make sure your agency is aware of the PADS and that they understand the dynamics and prevalence of this issue. They should be prepared to support your need to locate help and/or services should you need them. If you have previously suffered from depression in your life, you are at greater risk. Make sure your mental health care provider is standing by in the event that you need support with medication and counseling. Alert and educate your family and spouse. Explain that you may all need extra emotional support the same way new birth families do.

Dr. Bill and Martha Sears, The Baby Book lists several excellent suggestions for the Postpartum family which are equally relevant to Postadoptive families. When you finally arrive home from your international trip with your new child(ren), make sure that you have sufficient "nesting" time. Without guilt, hold visitors at bay for a few weeks. The exception to this rule would be the one designated family member or close friend who can provide domestic help and support in order to give time for the new nuclear family to learn about each other and start the bonding process. Before you travel, investigate your company's adoption benefits and maternity leave policy. Take the maximum allowable time before trying to go back to work. Be sure to get plenty of sleep and exercise. Fresh air and a brisk walk do wonders to mitigate mild depression. Taking a child for a walk is one of life's greatest inexpensive pleasures - fun for you, fun for your child, good for bonding. If you are single or if your spouse is unavailable to provide child care while you rest, arrange for a sitter who can come in while you nap, run errands, or simply take care of personal grooming.

New competence as a parent often means a deterioration of competence in other areas of your life. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty about less than perfect housework or a reluctance to cook your usual gourmet fare. Plan to put most of your life "on hold" while you settle in those first several weeks. If you know letting things go might drive you mad with anxiety, have alternate plans in place for others to take over for you with housework or chores. Have a store of good frozen foods on hand to help with meal preparation.

If you are married, one of the most profound changes that comes with parenting is the change in your relationship with your spouse. Prepare for that change and mitigate the negative impact by setting aside some special times for the two of you to be together without the new child. This is a vital part of successful parenting - important to both of you, but also important in the message it sends to your child. Your strong, dependable relationship with one another is one of the greatest gifts you provide to your new child. If you are fortunate enough to have a secure and happy marriage prior to adoption, spend the effort it takes to nurture and sustain it.

Preparation for PADS is the key to surviving it and shortening its duration. Accept the fact that adoption carries some risk. Expect surprises, frustrations, and setbacks with your new child as part of international adoption. Celebrate if there are none! Before your child comes home, take as many parenting classes as you can. Expect to be a therapeutic parent. Bonding and attachment are slow processes. Learn to be patient and give yourself and your child the one-on-one time required for attachment and bonding to grow. Your adoption journey doesn't stop the day you bring your child home. That day is really only a beginning. Plan for the continuation of your pre-adoption emotional roller coaster ride for at least the first year. If you have adopted a severely challenged child, plan on riding for two years! Reach out for help. Be honest with your social worker and agency. If you are having difficulties, tell them! You might be pleasantly surprised at how helpful they can be, but they can't help you if they don't know you're suffering. Join a support group such as those available at HTTP://EEADOPT.ORG, or locally. There are literally thousands of people ready to help and lend support. Provide private time for yourself, your spouse, and your other children. Keep stimulation, social, and work pressures to a minimum for as long as you can. Ask your extended family and friends for understanding and support. Accept your limitations and don't be afraid to fail. We learn by making mistakes. If your adoption situation proves particular difficult, remember to tell yourself everyday that tomorrow will be better, because it probably will be.

Most of all, know that what you are feeling is a normal response to stress, that you are not alone, and that there is help for this difficult phase of your adoption experience

Symptoms of Depression

Diagnostic Criteria From DSM-IV

Five or more symptoms in a two week period.

1. Depressed mood most of the day, everyday (feeling sad, empty, or tearful) or feeling exceptionally irritable.

2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities.

3. Significant weight loss or weight gain, increase or decrease in appetite.

4. Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.

5. Psycho motor agitation or retardation nearly every day observable by others(restlessness or being slowed down).

6. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness nearly every day.

9. Suicidal thoughts or ideation.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Five Tips for Bonding And Attachment With Your Ukrainian Adopted Child

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 10:45:28 EST

Consider Ukrainian Adoption for An Older Child!

Bonding and attachment are major worries when you are adopting from Ukraine and everywhere. When you are adopting and older Ukrainian child like I did, you tend to worry even more, even though studies say age is not a significant factor in attachment and bonding issues.

I like this article because it shares that bonding is something biological parents are concerned with too. We adoptive parents often forget this. I like his main points: have reasonable expectations, especially early on; nurturing and responding to your child's needs; communicating constantly with your child; play with your child, and touch your child. I agree, whatever the age of your Ukrainian adopted child, these 5 tips will help you connect with your child and your child connect with you.

Enjoy!

Kori Rodley Irons

One of the major fears adoptive parents (and grandparents) face is whether they will connect and bond with the newest addition to their family. Many adoptive parents don't realize that biological parents have some of the same fears, but adoption is a process that seems to lend itself to worries and concerns - with so much time to wait and wonder! There are some tips and ideas to help parents feel active in promoting the bonding process - whether you are adopting a newborn, older baby, or older child.

1. Before your child ever arrives, join an adoption support group or network with other adoptive parents. The more you are able to talk through your fears, learn suggestions and hear stories from other parents, the more you will be prepared and have reasonable expectations of the initial months with your baby or child. Reading books onparentingand adoptive parenting, watching DVDs and programs - all of these will help you feel ready when your child is placed in your arms.

2. Once your child arrives, focus on nurturing and meeting the infant or child's needs. This is one of the main ways that parents and children bond to each other, regardless of whether they are adopted or biological. Pay attention to the nurturing tasks you are doing for your child - feeding, changing, dressing, holding. By coming to your child when called and when you are needed, you will build trust and a feeling of safety which is at the basis of bonding. Responding to your baby's cries, your toddler's perceived "neediness" and your older child's fears with consistency, love and gentleness will let them know that you are the parent and you can be depended on. For babies and children - dependency is a good thing!

3. Talk to your new child. Language is a key element of connection and will help your child in his development. If your child is developmentally delayed or you have adopted from another country, language will be a major way in which you help your child become acclimated to his or her new home and culture. Even with a newborn, it is important to talk and sing and coo and use your voice to share information and emotion. Talk while you are doing caretaking tasks, talk about what you are doing, talk while you're taking a walk. Even though you may think your child doesn't understand you, you are conveying attachment and sharing information when you talk to her.

4. Play. Play is one of the joys of both parenthood and childhood. Before you know it, your new child will be in the terrible teens and you will miss the days when you were her favorite playmate. If your child is older or from an orphanage, he may not have had the opportunity to play and learn from games and silliness. It may be your job to teach him how to just be a kid and play. For infants and babies, traditional games like peek-a-boo and singing games are wonderful ways to interact and bond, as well as teach your baby. With an older child, playing will be one of more pleasurable ways that you are able to connect as you share age-appropriate playful activities.

5. Touch. This may seem like a no brainer, but touch is a key element in attachment. With an infant or baby, you will be holding your child to feed, rock, and comfort. But older babies who have been in orphanages, may not be used to being held and touched - they may stiffen or balk when you try to touch them. Gradually, introduce non-threatening ways to touch your older child - a pat on the leg or arm, asking permission to brush their hair, etc. Also use your body as a physical presence in communicating with your child - sit down on the ground with him when talking or playing, reading books is a good way to create physical closeness as is working together on a project like play dough or painting. As your child grows to trust you, touch will come more naturally and soon hugs and kisses will be an easy form of communication.

These are a few, main ways you can create bonding opportunities and feel more connected to your newly-adopted child. Give yourself time and try to remain pleasant and positive. Look for signs that attachment is occurring to give yourself boosts of confidence. As your child begins to come to you when fearful, try to get your attention when he is being silly or playful, or turning to you for affection - you'll know that you are an attached, bonded family.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

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Adopting An Older Child: Needing Help What We Wish We Had Known (Must Read For Ukrainian Adoption)

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 16:20:20 EST

Consider Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine

Every child is unique and every adoption and family experience will be different. However, as an adopted parent of an older child much of this story resonates with me.

Since it is a very long piece, I have broken it up into segments. My comments are in "quotes". Enjoy.

What We Wish We Had Known

By Judy and Sara Myerson

I needed help!

Not only did I need help, but there was nothing wrong with me because I did. Parents are often ashamed to let others know that they might be having trouble in a family arrangement that they wanted so badly.

I did not call my agency or social worker when I began to realize we were in "uproar." As a clinical social worker with expertise in working with adolescents and eight years experience in a psychiatric hospital, I, should have known what to do. Finally I sought help, and, thank goodness, it wasn't too late.

"Adoption is an extremely emotional experience for the parents, siblings and newly adopted child. I always suggest that families get help before, during and after the adoption process. Everyone needs support. The best help is from someone outside the situation that does not have any agenda and can be non-judgmental and totally supportive. A professional is the best. They have been there many times before and can help you understand that what you feel, however terrible or terrifying, is often normal. It is also common for adoptive parents to experience depression or regret after adopting. No one is comfortable speaking about it, but these are common feelings. Get help earlier rather than later. It will help you deal with the emotional roller coaster in a constructive way."

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Handling Fears About Your Ukrainian Adopted Child

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 15:19:05 EST

Consider Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine This National Adoption Awareness Month

Even biological parents can easily blow a new behavior up in their minds into a major medical condition, however, for adoptive parents we are almost looking fearfully all the time for some illness or symptoms - behavior or physical - from their past we know so little about, to surface. We are vigilant, and it can be easy to blow a new behavior out of proportion.

This article offers suggestions as how to deal with those fears.

Written by Janet Alston Jackson

When an adopted child first comes into your home, the joy and excitement the little one brings is magical.

There is nothing like that euphoria.

You fall in love.

However, when the child's health or behavioral challenges surface, an adoptive parent's imagination can easily drum up dark fears. While a birth parent worries about the child's issues, as an adoptive parent, you may also worry about the issue plus the unknown or known history of the adoptee's background.

You may even hear the haunting voice from a family or friend who was against your adoption, "Why adopt? You don't know what that child has in her background."

This is when you must stay strong.

Separate the facts from fiction. Your egoic-mind will try to send you on a whirl-wind of worry, but you must only look at the issue presenting itself, without adding a story.

For example, if your child throws a tantrum, your mind may imagine that his temper may get worse as he gets older because someone in his family may have a psychological disorder. "Maybe my child has this disorder too."

Only deal with what is in front of you, not your imagined story.

This creates more stress and takes away the energy you need to deal with the challenge. You can't think with a clear mind if it's clouded with worry about something that you don't know to be true.

My Mind Won't Let Me Rest

The best way to deal with any fear is to look at it. Suppressing or ignoring a fear only makes the energy stronger.

Thoughts are energy.

When a fear surfaces, ask yourself, "Is this true?" If it's not, let it go.

That same fear may come back a number of times, but if you just keep looking at it, instead of running from the fear, you will find that it weakens to the point of dissolving altogether.

Some people find it helpful to keep a journal and write out their fears.

This serves as a great tool to look at the fear, and to get it out of you. Keeping a journal about your feelings is a wonderful therapy to help you along the adoption journey. Just be careful not to let it fall into your child's hands. They may not understand that your fears have nothing to do with them.

Remember, your child is extremely sensitive. Many adoptive children are super intuitive because they have been in various placements. Out of survival, they know how to read the people in charge.

If you come unhinged, your child could become anxious and maybe act out this uncomfortable feeling they are too young to understand.

Be gentle with yourself, and stay calm. Have confidence that you and your family can work through whatever you are facing with ease.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Adopting An Older Child: What We Wish We Had Known (Must Read For Ukrainian Adoption)

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 18:07:01 EST

Consider Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine

Every child is unique and every adoption and family experience will be different. However, as an adopted parent of an older child much of this story resonates with me.

Since it is a very long piece, I have broken it up into segments. My comments are in "quotes".

Enjoy.

What We Wish We Had Known

By Judy and Sara Myerson

She was the one whose picture we kept going back to, the one whom we couldn't turn away from of the hundreds of waiting child pictures we studied for months. She looked out at us, unsmiling eyes shadowed by heavy bangs. My son, Daniel, then 11, called her "the sad one" and said, "Take her, Mom, please." I said, "But, she's older than we planned. She'll be eight or nine by the time she comes home." He replied, "Take her." So we did.

Adopting an older child, one who comes "ready-made" with a distinct history and personality, is a decision that ultimately comes from the heart. The journey of adopting an older child sight-unseen is a leap of faith on the part of the family and of enormous courage on the part of the child. It is also a journey we entered into, like many well-meaning parents, somewhat naively. Prior to Sara's adoption in January 1997, we were a family with two parents and two children-12-year-old Daniel (biological) and two-year-old Mia (adopted from China as an infant). Now, four years, one marital dissolution and a lot of turmoil, tenacity, reading, professional help, hard work, and heart-opening later, we are a family of five, with a different configuration. Sara is my very own daughter and I am, as she recently told me, her "real, not pretend" mother. Of all my children, she is the one who has caused me to stop, look, and stretch myself the most. I would not take back any of our last four years; however, there are things that we both wish we had known before her adoption, things that might have made the journey easier.

"I think it is a major advantage of adoption in Ukraine that you don't adopt a child sight-unseen. You get to meet them and spend time with them on their territory."

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Attachment and Bonding In Your Ukrainian Adoption: Study Reveals Age Is Not A Significant Factor

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 09:23:03 EST

Bonding And Attachment Advantages In Ukrainian Adoption

Fascinating results on attachment security six months after international adoption were revealed in the small study:Factors affecting attachment in international adoptees at 6 months post adoptionby Sandra Niemann & Sandra Weiss.

Contrary to what is commonly believed, age at adoption, developmental status, and length and quality of pre-adoption care, and adoptive mother's feelings of attachment were not significant predictors of child attachment status 6 months post adoption.

The two factors that were significantly predictive of healthy attachment between a mother and child 6 months post adoption were the number of pre-adoption placements and the child's stress level.

Children who had fewer pre-adoption placements had higher attachment security; similarly, children who had lower stress levels had higher attachment security. Results suggest that consistency of pre-adoption care was more important than its length or quality. Further, children having foster versus orphanage care prior to adoption differed in quality of pre-adoption care and in certain attachment behaviors, but not in overall attachment security.

Published inChildren and Youth Services ReviewVolume 34, Issue 1, January 2012, Pages 205-212. Also published inAdoption QuarterlyVolume 14, Issue 4, 2011 under the titleAttachment Behavior of Children Adopted Internationally at Six Months Post Adoption.

One of the particulars of Ukrainian adoptions is the opportunity for the adoptive parents to spend time with their future adoptive child in the child's environment. We at Adoption Services International believe this time allows a unique opportunity to reduce the stress levels in the child and build an attachment before leaving the child's environment for their new home.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Attachment In Ukrainian Adoption: Study Reveals Age Is NOT Significant Contributing Factor

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 09:18:57 EST

Bonding And Attachment Advantages In Ukrainian Adoption

The two factors that were significantly predictive of healthy attachment between a mother and child 6 months post adoption were the number of pre-adoption placements and the child's stress level.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

The Nature vs. Nurture Argument And Your Ukrainian Adopted Child

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 15:34:18 EST

Consider Ukrainian Adoption As A Joyful Way Of Growing Your Family

I go back and forth on this one. My Ukrainian adopted son says and does things that remind me not only of myself and my husband, but of my own parents! Still, his personality and character is all his own.

As you can see with this article, it is not only adoptive parents that think about this nature vs nurture debate.

Enjoy!

Posted by Dawn at Creating a Family

Before I had kids, I was a nurturist all the way. I believed that the environment I created for my children would determine how they "turned out". Oh sure, I would have acknowledged that there might be variations, but I figured these would be variations on the same theme. Since I was going to be the perfect mother, I would, of course, create the perfect environment for child rearing.

Our home would be an intellectual and artistic haven- stimulating, but not over the top. I would involve my well behaved progeny in carefully selected intellectual, athletic, and artistic endeavors, while leaving plenty of unstructured time for them to ponder the fate of dandelion puffs. I would fill our house with books, educational toys (made of wood-expensive wood), and nutritious food. Oh sure, I'd indulge them occasionally with some cheap, plastic, easily broken, mind rotting toy and a box or two of Fifth Avenue hyped, sugar laden cereal to keep them from feeling deprived when they compared notes with their friends, but since they would only watch the occasional PBS TV show, they would be protected from the dirty touch of advertising and would be more than satisfied by mom-approved toys and cereals. Yes sir, I was a nurturist all the way because I so wanted to believe that I was in control.

Now that I'm in the uncontrolled midst of parenting four very very different kids, I realize that control is an illusion, and I'm not sure where I stand on the nature vs. nurture debate. My family is a mix of children by birth and adoption spread out over ten years and raised in the same house by the same parents. The nurture argument would say my kids would be similar since their environment was similar. The nature argument would say that my biologically related kids would be more alike than the adopted child. Neither of these arguments is correct in my family. I think that may be why I am so fascinated with the nature vs. nurture argument.

An advantage of hosting a radio show is that I get to schedule and talk with the top experts in the subjects I find fascinating, and I've loved both of the shows we've done on the relative influences of biology and environment. I'm intrigued by the "famous" twin studies, so on one show (Nature vs. Nurture/ Genetics vs. Environment) our guests were the directors of two of the leading longitudinal twin studies in the US. The guests on the other show (Is Genetics or the Environment Most Important in Determining Who Our Kids Will Be?) represented two of the leading adoption studies in the US and also were both involved in twin research, as well. I was like a middle school girl with a crush on both shows.

Research findings on the influence of genetics and environment are fascinating. Eerie similarities between identical twins reared apart exist, but their research doesn't support a genetic vice grip on how we turn out. Some things, such as physical appearance, ADHD, and obesity appear to be highly controlled by genes. But most other things, such as IQ and personality, have only a moderate genetic connection. And some things, such as social attitudes (I think this means things like liberal vs. conservative, generosity, etc.), job satisfaction, how readily we fall in love, and our sense of humor, seem to be influenced very little by genetics.

Determining the relative influence of genes and environment is particularly hard in real life, in real families, because each child in a family has a unique environment. Although my kids have been raised by the same parents in the same home, their environments have differed since their place in the family, life experiences, talents and personality are different. For example, our eldest was burdened and blessed with three younger siblings throughout most of her life, while our youngest experienced quite different burdens and blessings by having three older siblings. One son is a gifted student, the other struggles. They are spaced out by ten years, so arguably they haven't really had the same parents since we were different parent when our eldest was born than we were ten years later when our youngest arrived. Also, as one of the experts pointed out, each child changes their environment and our parenting by being who they are.

Four kids and more than a few years later, I'm far less certain of most things in life and all things in parenting. I quickly figured out that I wasn't cut out to be a nurturist, since that put way too much pressure on me and drained the fun right out of parenting. Jumping ship to the naturist side had some appeal since I wouldn't be held responsible if my children's fate was predetermined by the arbitrary mixing of DNA. This was reassuring since I was far fromthe perfect parent. (I had an inkling of this my first week of parenthood, when I decided that baths were too traumatic for us both, and since we wiped her bottom and face regularly, they were unnecessary.) Despite the allure of passing the buck to the genetic whims of nature, however, I couldn't ignore the similarities in my kids-both by birth and adoption-that seemed to have an environmental connection.

Right now in my parenting journey I have replaced "versus" with "and" in the nature vs. nurture debate. It seems to me that we are all a product of both our genes and our environment, and that we have a great deal of control over our environment. I recently read a quote by a psychologist that researched in this field. When asked if nature or nurture contributed more to a personality, he responded, "Which contributes more to the area of a rectangle, its length or its width?" This is strangely reassuring to me now.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Angelina Jolie: Kung Fu Panda 2's Adoption Theme And Speaking About Adoption With Her Kids

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 10:49:57 EST

Adoption Themes Are Going Mainstream: Consider Ukrainian Adoption

What did you think of how the adoption theme was addressed in Kung Fu Panda 2?

ByDana Kennedy

It's not as serious as some of her films, butAngelina Joliesays she cherishes being a part of theKung Fu Pandamovies - because they're both entertaining and educational for her children.Kung Fu Panda 2resonates in particular because it has an adoption theme. And of course, three of the six Jolie-Pitt children - Maddox, Pax and Zahara - are adopted."The words adoption, birth mothers [and] orphanages are happy words in our household, and we talk about those subjects all the time," Jolie, 35, said Thursday at theCannes Film Festival, where her movie is premiering.The Oscar winner voices Tigress in thePandafilms. "I'm especially excited to be in this movie because of my daughters," she said. "She's one of the best characters I've ever played. My kids love it, and in many ways I did it for them."Jolie, who wore a belted, beige Ferragamo dress with jewels from her own line with Robert Procop, said her partnerBrad Pittand the family are all with her at the festival. "The kids are back at the hotel, running around, having a great time and probably causing a mess," she said. "They love it here."Pitt, 47, is in Cannes for work: His film,The Tree of Life, premieres later on during the festival.Jolie said thePandamovies reflect her own sense of family. "At the end of the day, we're all big kids," she said. "Life is very much about family and the family you choose. You can define your own destiny despite what happened to you in the past."

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

How To Answer Your Ukrainian Adopted Child When He's Told: "They Are Not Your Real Parents!"

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:33:05 EST

Real Parents = Adoptive Parents - Consider Ukrainian Adoption

Adoptive Parents = Real Parents Teaching This Equation at School and at Home

by Deborah McCurdy

"They're not your real parents!"

The little girl's words were not meant to hurt. At 8, she was struggling to understand her own adoption. But our adopted son was hearing these words for the first time, at the age of 5. And he was devastated.

For weeks, Mark could not bring himself to share the incident, nor his pain, with us. What terrible thing might happen if he did? His behavior showed he was troubled, but even when he came to our room at night complaining of monsters, he could not speak of his underlying fears.

One evening, as he lay with his head on my lap, with my hand stroking his forehead, Mark broke into sobs and burst out with his terrible discovery: "Becky says you're not my real parents!"

I hugged and reassured him. He had known for a long time that he was adopted and that this meant his "first parents" could not take care of him. He knew that we had become his "forever parents" because we were able to provide food and toys and clothes, and because we very much wanted a little boy like him. As a social worker in adoption, I had read all about "telling" and had thought that our explanations had covered all the bases.

But we had never dealt with the question of "real" parentage. It simply had not occurred to us that other children would openly assert that "forever parents" were not real parents. Yet this has happened to Mark at least three times in the years he has been in school.

Mark knows what to answer now: "Yes, they are my real parents," he will insist, "because they are the ones who are bringing me up." If the other child persists, he will say, "You're confused about that!"

It is not only the children who experience this confusion. Their parents and other adults tend to define adoption as something that happens when your "real parents" can't keep you. The problem is largely with our language, since the term "birth parents" is not yet in common parlance and it is the first parents who traditionally have been referred to as "real parents."

Of course, our language reflects the perceptions and values of past generations, and it has not caught up with our more modem concepts of adoption. I have often heard pre-adoptive parents say, 'We have two children of our own and now we' like to adopt." These parents are caught by the limitations of outdated language, which does not yet reflect their own progressive thinking and feeling. Although they may already think of the children to be adopted as their own, they can find no words besides "own" to distinguish children born to them from those they plan to adopt.

What can adoptive parents and teachers and other concerned adults do to help adopted children feel fully a part of their families Several suggestions come to mind:

1. Work on the problem of language.

In the course of the adoption process, adoptive parents learn to say, "Sarah and John were born to us, and Maria was adopted," when they are asked which children are their own. They are urged to help their families, and the parents and teachers of their child's playmates, to avoid the use of "real parents" when talking about birth parents. I now make a point of asking new adoptive parents to tell their children before kindergarten that they are their real parents by adoption and to add that other people "may be confused about this." This needs to be gone over more than once. The point to stress to your child is that "real parents are the people who bring you up, " and that the child is your own child, by adoption.

2. Keep the birth parents' role in the past.

The first parents must be spoken of sympathetically, as adopted children need to feel pride in their origins. They need to feel that their birth parents would certainly have kept them if they could have. But they should be told they have new parents now. It is very important for adopted children to know that they are where they are meant to be - that the first parents made a loving plan for them to be with their adoptive families forever.

I believe that it is a mistake to make the birth parents too real by speaking of them frequently, or glowingly, or in great detail, when children are sm all. Although birth parents have their own reality, we do not want our children to worry that there are people out there who have a claim on them and may try to take them back. There are simple ways to clarify that you are the child's real parents now. Some adoptive parents refer to the birth parents by their first names, if known. Others may feel comfortable with the term "first parents," used in conjunction with "forever parents." There will be plenty of time later on to help curious older children get a clearer, more detailed understanding of their birth parents. (Adoption workers do recommend that adoptive parents try to obtain as much specific non-identifying information as possible about the birth parents and their circumstances, and that they present his information in a favorable light as the child seems ready for it..)

3. Speak positively about adoption as one good way that children come to parents.

It is best for adults not to speak of adopted children as "special" or "chosen," lest the child come to feel over the years that those adults overemphasized their differences. Every adoption is a story of pain and loss, as well as a story of fulfillment and love. Thoughtful parents speak with pride of their ado adoption and the pleasure the child has brought them. At the same time, they need n to be open to hearing the child's concerns about having been given up by the birth parents. These concerns tend to surface when a child is about eight or ten, no matter how well the adoption has been handled. "Adaptive grieving" is a normal process, entailing some uncertainty and confusion and - for some children - a degree of sadness over the loss of birth parents It is important for parents to let their children know that these are normal feelings for adopted children to have, and that they will get through this time of uncertainty or sadness. If the feelings are strong and persist a long time, parents can have their child evaluated as to whether brief psychotherapy may be helpful.

Parents should realize that their child's feelings do not indicate that they are doing something wrong. Adoptive parents generally do a good job if they feel like real parents, with children who are fully their own whether or not they match them in race and color. As long as these parents are open about adoption, speak freely and naturally on the subject, and think of adoption as a truly positive alternative to childbirth, their children will learn to view their adoption with pride and should feel fully a part of their families.

This article was originally published in The Boston Parents' Paper in February 1986 the title "They're Not Your Real Parents!"

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Do Your Ukrainian Adopted Children Know They Are Adopted? Should You Not Tell Them They Are Adopted?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 14:35:05 EST

Consider Ukrainian Adoption As A Joyful Way Of Growing Your Family

I am always amazed when I am asked if my child knows he is adopted from Ukraine. Why shouldn't he? Is there something to be ashamed about being adopted? That is exactly how I don't want him to feel. And really, if they are asking me this question, does anyone believe it will be a secret for long?

While like how Tracy confronts this question and worries about families that choose to hide the fact that they are adopted from their children. A friend told me a story of a man in his 50s, who found out he was adopted only when his parents passed away. He was devastated and very upset. I think most of the problem is a sense of betrayal in hiding a fact, like it is a deep, dark secret. In my mind, sunshine is always the best policy and I speak to my son often and openly about his adoption and want him to be proud of his Ukrainian heritage.

Enjoy!

Posted byTracyRaztoDouble Vision

Ten years after adopting our twin girls, the question that still surprises me the most is, "Do they know they're adopted?" followed closely by "When did you tell them?"

The question is surprising to me because, in this day and age,I can't imagine why anyone would keep adoption secret. Or even that anyone would have an actual sit-down conversation with their children to disclose "the truth." We've told our children that they are adopted about 47,000 times since they joined our family and I expect we'll mention it another 470,000 times before we leave this early plane. There's nothing embarrassing, weird, or evil about adoption, so why not just let it be a part of our family's history?

But then I ran an adoption support group at a twins club convention, and one of the moms there had decided not to tell her children the circumstances of their birth and the other was on the fence.

Seriously.

The reasons? Because their children weren't really "adopted" -- one set was born throughegg donationand the other throughembryo donation. With new technology, it seems, comenew questions and new ethics.

It's not my place to tell anyone how to run their family; if you want to keep this information secret, that's between you and your child(ren.) In most of those cases biological parents aren't known (although some embryo adoption organizations do keep those records), so it's difficult to have any sort of open relationship with biological relatives.

But that doesn't mean they don't exist. And the truth always has a way of coming out.

During our group discussion I posed what I believe to be the most important question in dealing with any adoption (or frankly, child-rearing) issue about which you lie or conceal the truth:What are you going to say when your children find out the truth?For me, this includes everything from the existence of Santa (I lied to preserve some magic in your childhood) to high school hijinks (gotta tell the truth about this one if only to serve as a cautionary tale to my daughters) to the choices their birthmom has made since placing them with us (shared gently, as they have gotten older).

If you think you've got a good reason for concealing the truth and you can handle the emotions of your child when he or she finds out, then go ahead and keep the truth to yourself. I'm not sure if egg donation or embryo donation is a good enough reason to keep the truth to yourself, though.

Both women in the workshop believed that telling would only confuse the children (and what adoptive parent hasn't worried about that once or a million times?) because they don't have a way to find out additional information about their biological families. It would only make them feel less connected to their family, one of the moms said, and it would serve no additional purpose.

So I asked myself if we would speak about adoption in our house if Banana and Little Bit's adoptions were closed. Or if their birthparents were completely unavailable. Or if their birthparents were predators or deviants. Or if there was no way they would ever find out.

And for me, the answer was always yes. The truth is the truth, and we all come from a gene pool that is both pristine and polluted -- it iswhat you do with this body and soul you've been giventhat's important. As humans, we have a right to know as much as we can about that -- even if it is simply that you are not biologically related to your parents. For me, that should be true if your parents worked through an agency, a country, a lawyer, or a test tube.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Interested In Adoption? Free Upcoming Adoption Presentation - Adoption Process and Q&A

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 10:42:25 EST

Califon Book Shop Hosts Adoption Presentations In Celebration of National Adoption Awareness Month

Ukrainian Adoption 101 and The Adoption Process: Stress vs Ease

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Adoption Process: Stress vs. Ease

Coaching, What's In It For You? Everything!

We will discuss what coaching is and isn't. As someone who has been adopted, I bring a unique perspective to the journey of discovering who we are, where we belong and what each of us desires to be.

Details:

Join Us: Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-8:00PM

Location: Califon Book Shop: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830 (www.califonbookshop.com)

To find out more visit us at:www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

To register in advance:info@asi-adoption.comorKathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

Presenters:

Adoption Services International:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

The Adoptee Coach of Self Reflection Coaching LLC:

You can:

Â· Overcome fear and doubt by becoming more open and trusting

Â· Make clear decisions

Â· Come to peace

Â· Transform relationships

Â· Set goals and design a life you love

Anyone with a strong desire and willingness to take action can transform their lives.

Kathy Vervan Bugglin, CPC, ELI-MP:

www.TheAdopteeCoach.com

Kathy@TheAdopteeCoach.com

(908) 797-4893

http://www.facebook.com/TheAdopteeCoach

Look for Kathy in the soon to be released book "Ready, Aim, Soar" on Amazon.

For more information, contact:

Russian-To-Russian Adoption Booms, But With Too Many Sad Endings - Adopting For the Wrong Reasons?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 10:14:20 EST

Adoption Needs To Be for The Right Reasons And For The Good of The Child: Consider Ukrainian Adoption

Russians returned almost as many orphans back to orphanages last year as they adopted. This is a frightening statistic. Throughout the world there have been major national initiatives to encourage in-country adoptions. In some countries this has included financial incentives. Unfortunately, some families have been motivated by what I would say are wrong reasons to adopt. Then, when the payments, usually for the first year or two, come to an end, the children are often returned. The saddest part of all of this is the additional trauma the children must experience. It is important that the needs and best interest of the children trump national pride.

Ukraine has set up a similar program to Russia to strongly encourage Ukrainians to adopt. I can't find any statistics on how many children are returned, but I know from speaking with the Ukrainian Consulate in NYC that this is a major problem. Ukrainians favor adoption of young children and girls. Even after all the local adoptions over 24,000 children still waiting and available for international adoption.

By Sergei Burlachenko, Kiril Zhurenkov, Sergei MelnikovKOMMERSANT/Worldcrunch

MOSCOW -Russia is going through a home-grown adoption boom.

In the changing landscape of adoption, 6,700 children were adopted or placed with foster parents inside of Russia last year. It is a marked change since the mid-2000s, when most adoptive parents were foreigners.

Now the majority of Russian adoptees are adopted by Russian parents. Last year, only 31.4% of the children adopted in Russia were adopted by foreigners.

But there's also another, less optimistic figure: last year 6,337 adoptees were returned to orphanages, the vast majority at the initiative of their new parents. It is clear that in nearly all cases, the children were rejected by their new parents due to conflicts in the family.

Russia has begun instituting "adoption schools," which provide training for prospective adoptive parents, to limit such unfortunate conclusions. These schools have opened all over the country, and since September are required for anyone who wants to adopt a child in Russia.

One adoption school has been in operation in the Moscow Orphanage No. 19 for the past 20 years. Here, prospective parents could meet with a child only after having gone through the training. The orphanage's specialists would choose parents for the children after this. Some were ultimately refused. Then the child would live with the family as a foster child, until the child either reached legal age or was officially adopted. The orphanage helped the foster parents financially and also gave them psychological, medical, social and legal support.

"More than 900 people took part in the training," says Irina Osina, head of the department that prepares families for adoption at the Orphanage No. 19. "A successful adoptive or foster family requires much more than the typical signs of success. They have to have a certain level of knowledge, skill and experience in order to structure their relationship with the child correctly."

How to provide support and help, and to avoid hurting the child or giving him or her false promises or hopes, is at the heart of the training. "In our experience, only 30% of those who want to become adoptive or foster parents realize what kinds of problems they will have to face," says Osina.

Now, the Ministry of Education has made these specialized three-month training courses mandatory for everyone who is planning to take in a child. The prospective parents are told about the fears and disappointments that they might go through during a foster child's adaption to the family. They are also taught how to prepare their own relatives for the new child's arrival.

Exemptions

For foreign parents hoping to adopt a Russian child, it is not necessary to take the course in Russia, but they will have to show proof that they have completed a similar course in their home country.

In general, specialists welcome the new law, but it was not completely free of controversy. Some have been exempted from the course, such as those who have been successful foster parents, as well as close relatives, including step-parents. The paradox, though, is that most of the time when children are brought back to the orphanage, it is by relatives who had adopted them, not by unrelated adoptive parents.

This can be explained by several factors, both psychological (unrelated adoptive parents are often more prepared to take responsibility for the child) and material. It turns out that relatives, especially elderly relatives, will give up guardianship voluntarily if they do not have money to feed the child or provide adequate housing.

Another problem related to the organization of the adoption schools is that there are not enough specialists to teach them. Without good teachers, experts say, the future of these well-meaning reforms is still unclear.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ukrainian Adoption and Eastern Europe: Too Many Children Need Forever Families - Consider Adoption

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 15:41:44 EDT

There Are More Children In Need Of Forever Families Than Ever: Consider Ukrainian Adoption

This is an interesting article. Part Ukrainian adoption story with ups and downs. Unfortunately they encountered the reoccurring and sadly common problems with agencies and expenses running over expectations.

The author is from Kazakhstan and shares insights as to the Eastern European perspective on adoption and families.

Enjoy.

By Mila Dvoretskaya-Lemme

Like any proud parent, Jeff Elston happily shows off pictures of his three children. Many people know that he and his wife, Toni, went to Ukraine to adopt two of them. But when they try to guess which is the couple's natural child, they're usually wrong, he says. Riker, who looks exactly like Jeff, is adopted.

The Springfield couple wanted their biological son, Roman, to have a sibling. When several pregnancies ended in miscarriages, Toni's doctor advised the couple to stop trying. They decided to adopt - but outside the United States. Friends of theirs had adopted a Ukrainian girl, and that experience was positive, Elston says. "And also I thought it would be easier than an American adoption - no visits of birth parents and all of that," he recalls.

The Elstons' first trip, however, in June 2003, was unsuccessful. The couple didn't warm to the children they were shown. They returned four months later and came back with Riker and Reagan. "We thought two would be much better than one - and we could afford it," Elston says.

Two international trips and the related expenses totaled about $25,000. But neither Jeff nor Toni regrets the money that was spent. "Five-year-old Roman loves his brother and sister so much, we could not believe it. He kisses and hugs them before going to bed every night, though nobody told him to do it. I don't think it is possible to love one's blood siblings more," Elston says.

And yet there were moments when the Elstons wondered whether they'd made a mistake. After the adoption was completed, they took Riker, who was 6 years old at the time, and Reagan, then 8, to a rented apartment in Ukraine, and the kids acted out. "They spit at each other, yelled, ran all over the place," Elston says. And the trouble didn't stop in Ukraine - the children had to adjust to a new home in the United States.

"Once I got a call from school that my son [Riker] was pulling the ears of another boy," Elston recalls. "I had to explain that it is a birthday tradition in his native culture - like our spanking at birthdays. And there were many other things - like, it is OK to stay really close to somebody there, but here we give a person some space around. And, of course, they had to learn English."

The children have adjusted quickly. Today, the kids talk nonstop in English about their favorite American musicians, cartoon characters, and foods. But speak Russian to them, and they look confused and uptight. "They say they forgot the native language," Elston says. "Recently we watched the tape which we made in their orphanage, and they could not even name any of the children, though they remembered their faces."

There may be a logical explanation for the fact that these kids have forgotten their pasts so quickly: Those memories are just too painful. What good do they have to remember from over there? Father, who disappeared from their lives? Mother, who gave up her rights because she couldn't, or wouldn't, care for them?

Four-year-old Riley Elliott's first reaction to her new home in America was "Wow!" What else could an orphan girl from Ukraine say on walking into a room filled with balloons? Kim Elliott blew up more than 100 to make her new daughter feel welcome in January 2002. What Riley didn't know was that Kim and her husband, Steve, had to sell their house and move into a rental to bring her here. That was the price they were more than willing to pay after seven unsuccessful years of trying to have a child.

"We just didn't expect the expenses to be that high," says Steve Elliott. "Altogether, we spent about $25,000. First we had to change adoption agencies and lost some money there. We suspected them of doing some things under the table. Second, we had to travel from one orphan's place to another and stay in Ukraine longer. Some children were in really poor physical or mental health. For example, a 3-year-old was only learning to walk. . . . And I can understand this position of [Ukrainian] officials: All good children should stay in the country."

The Elliotts were disappointed and getting ready to return when their American adoption agent informed them about a girl in the city of Simferopol. "When we saw Riley Alexandra, we knew there was something different about this girl. She had such beautiful sparkles in her eyes, was playful and friendly. She liked my wife from the first minute, though she was suspicious of me," he says. "I can understand that - there were not many males among orphanage staff."

The Elliotts, like the Elstons, were inspired to go to Ukraine after seeing the happy example of friends who had adopted their children there. Riley adjusted well to the family, learned English in no time, and inspires only pride in her parents. She does not remember her life before she came here and forgot her native language completely, though Steve still remembers some words he had learned to communicate with her: " 'Beautiful,' 'darling,' 'frightened,' 'grandmother,' 'grandfather,' 'a dog,' 'to pee,' 'to poop' - altogether, about 10 or 12 words."

The Elliotts have since adopted another child, this time a baby girl born in the United States. They had hoped to reunite Riley with her older brother in Ukraine, but he was adopted three months before Riley and now lives somewhere in Spain. They don't know the identity of his new parents, leaving almost no chance that the two siblings will meet again.

Riker, Reagan, and Riley are among thousands of children from former Soviet republics who have ended up in the West. State Department records indicate that U.S. citizens adopted 5,209 Russian children in 2003 (the number is based on the number of immigrant visas issued to orphans coming here). That is second only to the number of children adopted from China, which was the source of 6,859 children.

My native Kazakhstan came in fifth place (825 adoptions in 2003); Ukraine was sixth, with 702. Every year, U.S. citizens adopt about 20,000 foreign orphans - and the number has been climbing steadily. Children from Kazakhstan are popular in Hawaii because many of them are from mixed marriages. Kristine Altwies Nicholson, president of Hawaii International Child Inc., told the Honolulu Advertiser, which reported on the trend, "For many adoptive couples who are mixed, this is the perfect and only solution to adopt a child who looks like the product of their union."

But over there, in the nations of the former Soviet Union, there is criticism of these foreign adoptions. The governments of most of the 15 ex-Soviet republics have taken steps, at one time or another, to put restrictions on international adoptions.

Byelorussia is the most recent example. Its president announced in November 2004: "International adoptions are a shame on the nation. We need our kids and are able to raise them without help abroad." To adopt a Byelorussian child today, foreigners must obtain the personal permission of the minister of education, which is not easy - almost impossible, in fact - to get.

In Kazakhstan, debate over the issue arose in 2002. An outright ban on international adoptions was proposed by parliamentarians, some of whom claimed that rich foreigners were buying children, perhaps to abuse them or harvest their organs. After the formation of an investigative committee, the members visited Irish families who had adopted Kazakhstani children. The conclusion was positive: The investigation revealed once-orphaned children who had found families.

Still, most of the population simply doesn't get it.

Why do those rich Americans travel halfway around the globe, fight with a foreign bureaucracy, spend tremendous amounts of money, and express their love for skinny, frightened, unruly children?

In the ex-Soviet republics, there is a strong desire for the "continuation of family." A couple will do everything possible to give birth to a child, even at the risk of the mother's life.

And when that doesn't work and they decide to adopt, they'll look for a baby and do what it takes to hide the fact the child was adopted. Forget the notion of an open adoption; they are sure that it would be too stressful for a child to know the truth about his or her birth parents, let alone meet them. So to have Americans show up and profess love for children they've just met is difficult for many people to understand.

At the same time, the economic conditions in much of the former Soviet Union are so harsh that many children are given up and sent to orphanages because a parent or guardian simply lacks the means to support them. How else to explain the tremendous number of children in orphanages?

For example, my native Kazakhstan, with a population of 15.4 million, has 100,000 orphans. Many of them live in crowded and primitive conditions.

The Elstons and the Elliotts say that for the most part, the places they visited look nice, but I am sure only a few are like that. I am reminded of a Russian proverb: "Don't leave your garbage outside your house." Foreigners and journalists don't see the abusive conditions that many orphans must endure. Many children run away, preferring life on the street as homeless beggars.

Families such as the Elstons and the Elliotts have provided loving homes for a handful of children abandoned in their own countries. Children such as Riley, Reagan, and Riker are truly lucky.

Unfortunately, there just aren't enough Americans for all the children left behind.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Study: Gay Adoptive Parents Make Great Adoptive Parents Should They Be Allowed To Adopt In Ukraine?

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 14:38:41 EDT

Consider Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine

This study has received a lot of attention in the past week. It compared at risk children adopted at the age of 4 by heterosexual and gay and lesbian couples after several years of adoption.

Only 19 states and very few countries allow gay and lesbian couples to adopt. With over one hundred million children in need of forever families this gives pause to think. Should same sex couples be allowed to adopt?

By Lindsay Abrams

Adoption is an effective intervention for at-risk kids, and this holds true for those placed with gay and lesbian parents.

PROBLEM:Should we allow highly at-risk children in the foster care system who are in need of homes and loving families to be adopted by homosexual couples? The quick answer is "yes," but it's always good to have some science to back that up.

METHODOLOGY:This is the first study to compare children who were adopted out of foster care by gay men, lesbian women, and heterosexual couples, and to track their progress over time, explains lead author Justin Lavner, a doctoral candidate at UCLA. The researchers followed 82 children in Los Angeles County -- 22 of whom were adopted by homosexual parents at the average age of 4 -- and evaluated them after two months, one year, and two years after they were placed with their adoptive families.

While studies have previously been done in which children who were adopted by gay parents as infants, the children followed here started out with a number of biological and environmental risk factors acting against them -- like premature birth, prenatal substance exposure, and abuse or neglect -- which the researchers identified from public records.

RESULTS:Children in all three types of households benefited from adoption: on average, they made significant gains in cognitive development -- their IQ scores increased by an average of 10 points -- and they maintained stable levels of behavior problems. What's more, the kids adopted by gay and lesbian parents actually started out with more risk factors, and were more likely to be of a different ethnicity than their adoptive parents, but after two years were on equal footing with their heterosexually-adopted peers.

CONCLUSION:Co-author Letitia Anne Peplau put it succintly: "There is no scientific basis to discriminate against gay and lesbian parents."

IMPLICATONS:Over 100,000 foster children in the U.S. are in need of homes. A potential 2 million homosexual couples are interested in adopting, according to a 2007 study. Only 19 states (and the District of Columbia) allow gay couples to adopt. Even in states where it is legal, added Lavner, discrimination against gay parents makes them less likely to pursue adoption. The numbers -- and now the scientific evidence -- speak for themselves.

The full study, "Can Gay and Lesbian Parents Promote Healthy Development in High-Risk Children Adopted From Foster Care?" is published in theAmerican Journal of Orthopsychiatry.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact:

Ban on US-Russian Adoptions Would Have ‘Dire Consequences’ - Consider Ukrainian Adoption

susan@asi-adoption.com (Susan Kibler) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 10:14:58 EDT

Lots of Threats From Russia About Halting Russian Foreign Adoptions - Consider Ukrainian Adoptions

Russia's Children's Rights Ombudsman Pavel Astakhov called for the ban on foreign adoptions of Russian children at a hearing before Russian lawmakers in Moscow on US human rights issues. The bilateral agreement 2 years in the making has just gone into force Nov. 1st, yet the Russians continue to threaten to close adoptions to foreigners and the US. Sadly, the most dire consequences would be for the tens of thousands of Russian orphans that need loving homes.

By Maria Young for RIA Novosti

A call by a Russian child rights official to halt foreign adoptions of Russian children, including in the United States, would result in more harm to a greater number of children, said US adoption experts Monday.

Russia's Children's Rights Ombudsman Pavel Astakhov called for the ban Monday at a hearing before Russian lawmakers in Moscow on US human rights issues.

Astakhov said the $1.5 billion adoption industry attracts unscrupulous people and that concerns over the future of orphans "are all lies."

Astakhov's call to ban foreign adoptions comes just as an exhaustive,bilateral agreement between the US and Russiato dramatically improve the adoption system is set to begin.

"Why we would just throw that away doesn't make any sense," said Kathleen Strottman, executive director of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI), a non-profit organization that works with policy makers to remove barriers to safe, successful adoptions.

"The two governments have been working in earnest for two years to address the concerns. This is a very solid agreement that will improve the outcomes for children," Strottman said.

The US-Russian adoption agreement, signed into law in Russia by President Vladimir Putin and set to be phased in beginning November 1, mandates a number of changes including more screening and training for adoptive parents, and greater scrutiny post-adoption.

The US and Russia put the agreement into place "to promote stronger safeguards for adoptive children and parents in the inter-country adoption process," said a US State Department official not authorized to speak on the record.

The official added that it incorporates several fundamental principles of the Hague Adoption Convention, which Russia has not signed. That agreement signed by 89 countries, including the United States, sets standards for international adoptions, and puts safeguards into place to prevent the abduction, sale and trafficking of children.

Russian officials claim at least 19 Russian children have died following abuse by American foster parents since adoption of Russian children in the US began in the early 1990s.

Since 1999, parents in the US have adopted more than 45,000 Russian children, including 962 children adopted last year.

The numbers are down in part because of more than a dozen high-profile adoption abuse cases.

A father in the US, who left his adopted toddler son in a hot car to die, was found not guilty of involuntary manslaughter, a ruling that infuriated many Russian officials.

They were also outraged when an American woman decided the 7-year-old boy she had adopted had too many emotional problems and put him on a plane back to Russia unaccompanied.

"That was the final straw that led to this agreement," said Chuck Johnson, president of the National Council for Adoption, a non-profit advocacy group that works to promote a culture of adoption.

But he adds, with an estimated 700,000 children in orphanages or other state-run care facilities, the idea that Russia can serve the needs of its institutionalized children without an international adoption process doesn't work.

"They have an orphan epidemic in their country," said Johnson. "Inter-country adoption will never be the cure but it is a viable solution, a viable option."

Strottman said an increasing number of Russian orphans have been institutionalized in Russia for longer times, and more of them have been exposed to alcohol and other substance abuse, factors that lead to significant physical, emotional, social and developmental delays, and make adoptions very challenging for both parents and children.

"As we have learned more about the needs of these children who are adopted, we are better able to prepare adoptive parents," she said.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process, Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey 07830

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

For more information, contact: